Do you feel we all put up facades, and then when folks discover our facade, they become disappointed
Yes. And to explain, a facade to me means a wall. If you have close friends, that wall does not exist because you are comfortable with those people. If you have friends who you are reserved about (Example would be your Pastors child who befriended you) it is natural to not want to be entirely open with them. If that person is a good person and really wants to be a part of your life or your solution then they will not be disappointed when they find out about your 'wall' rather they would try and help or understand why. This is a wall, a two sided one! There is always a reason why you have that wall and on the other side lies that reason. If you are anti-social as I am, you don't have to worry about any of that. This is basically why my permanent wall is up. I have trouble trusting people and it has been disappointing for others and each time I was the one who ended up being hurt.
I know I sometimes put up shells, and I have friends who are even worse...and sometimes I hide the bad habits I have and then when folks discover them they are disappointed in me and my habits....
Yes. And if you were very close with those people, your habits wouldn't be a big deal to them.
I like how Elvisa M described it and somewhat agree. I think we all initially put up some kind of facade even if it simply being silent. I would presume I put a facade generally with people I have not met. There will be some dependence on social amenity as well as given environment.
For instance I may be jovial when introduced by a friend to his/her other friend being on a familiar equal field of play. Contrast in a business meeting being introduced to a competitor's representative by an associat I am friendly with and not within an established friendship. Even though there may be seen an outward sign of friendship with handshake, it is based more on mutual respect.
With both cases those there was an initial facade. Perhaps I have a nature of being grumpy more oft than most. The first social situation may not reveal that thus a facade of disappointment with the next meeting. The other does not mean closeness of a formed friendship may not occur. If it was received as business only then there was a false facade regarding difference between friendly and friendship.
Yes I hear you Tim...Sometimes I have to put up a facade of actually liking or believing what the other person believes if they are in a political stance or religious stance that I do not agree with...Rather than getting into a discussion, let it go.
Hey I was born and raised to put up a wall. What happens here stays here was a family tradition. You dressed right, you cleaned yourself right and you spoke right or you were in big trouble. And that facade better be a cheery one or else. You liked what you were served and you respected even those you had no respect for. You stand up or sit down as is correct and you always looked an adult in the eye when spoken to.
Those are hard habits to break when you get older.
When I let down that wall I am vulnerable. And those I let it down for always feel closer to me and me to them. I have never ever felt that someone was disappointing in knowing the real me. I have good friends and family.
I have been burned a few times letting down that facade. Oh well that is the breaks and we move on.
One of my favorite facades is always looking good when I go out. If you look good with a bounce in your step, you are treated good. Even though you feel like crap underneath. A good thing.
The facades we put on are generally so automatic that we hardly notice them consciously. These are a sort of 'role play' we adopt to deal with a situation, circumstance or environment to protect what we THINK to be ourselves, our very vulnerable and fearful self-image. We become so used to it that we believe we are it.
When challenged, our self-image immediately feels its fear. It normally responds or reacts automatically to protect itself, even down to "having the last word," in an argument about nothing of real importance. The self-image is mind-made (your own mind) Once you discover, even for a moment, that you and your mind are not one and the same thing, you never fully go back to that erroneous belief, "I think, therefore I am."
Very interesting. I never heard an argument against Descartes put quite that way. You are saying the mind is part of us but not who we are? Non est ergo sum just does not have the same ring to it.
I am saying, as Roberto Assagioli said in his book, An Act of Will, we are centers of consciousness with a will, and that although we have physical bodies, thoughts, and emotions, we are not these - they belong to us. in life. We ARE Life
I believe most people approach new people with the idea of not revealing too much of themselves early on.
Therefore they tend to guard their true thoughts and feelings until they trust or feel comfortable around them.
There are instances where people look to "impress" each other.
Some people cultivate images of themselves they wish were true!
Many motivational speakers and life coaches advocate the "Fake it until you make it" technique as a way for gradually creating change in one's life. This is designed to boost one's own self confidence.
"Act successful and people will treat you like you're successful."
Nevertheless no one advocates overtly lying. Just look the part.
Naturally if someone discovers the substance isn't there (yet) to match "the image" of the individual we slam them for it.
With social media people portray mostly the best of themselves. You can only learn about the other person if you get to know them face to face.
We all have flaws and are not perfect either.
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