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Why do people test you to see what they can get away with ?
I have asked that question many times over the years and I still don't know the answer. Well, I know part of an answer. My sister had the attitude that she could do anything she wanted and I always had to forgive her because she was my sister. Example: I was selling my piano and had listed it for $800. A co-worker of hers wanted to come see the piano. She came over with my sister and said she wanted it so I told her the selling price was $800. She looked at me then at my sister then back at me and said, "Penny said you'd take $600". Aside from the $200 it seems minor but it was constant and annoying.
Where friends are concerned I am totally baffled. One former friend would come over to visit and think that my no smoking request applied to everyone but her. Even after directly asking her not to smoke in my apartment, she would pull out her cigarettes. I finally had to tell her that if she couldn't not smoke while she visited me she'd have to stop visiting me. She stopped the whole association. Another situation concerned a friend and former co-worker I was helping understand a database program. We would set up a time for her to come over since I had the program on my computer and she didn't. Well, she was never on time. More often than not she was a half an hour late. Then she would expect the entire two hour teaching time. I explained I had other people who had made appointments and the time she was late came out of her time, not mine or theirs. It made no difference. The final straw was one day she didn't show up at all. I was walking out the door to go to another appointment when she pulled into the driveway. That was almost 3 hours after her appointment time. First I asked if she got the time mixed up. No. Then I asked why she hadn't called or answered when I called her. No response. Then I asked why she was so late. She had been out doing errands and wanted to finish them before coming over to the lesson so she'd be able to concentrate. I explained I was on my way out the door, that I wouldn't reschedule the lesson, and that there wouldn't be any more lessons with me. She tried to laugh it off saying she'd make a note that she can't be late when she comes to my lessons. I just shook my head and told her not to bother.
Maybe it's as simple as wanting to control your behavior or that they're just so selfish you don't really count. Whatever it is, there is a point where it has to stop.
Well in my case i had to throw them off out of my life as they were expanding their selfish ways. Their behavior ranged from being annoying to extremely hurtful. They cried & tried too hard to get back in my life again. I wonder what they think.
Sadly, if you relented and let them back in they'd only be worse because you'd be seen as weak even though you'd be forgiving. Sometimes you just have to let them go.
I noticed that they themselves were weak and insecure ( in a lot of instances ) putting up fake faces in front of people but why would person who himself/ herself is weak would continue to hurt other people if they are not stopped or thrown away.
I suppose there have always been conmen, users, and manipulators who are on the look out for people they can take advantage of in some way. This is why it makes no sense to live by the old adage of:
"I'll trust anyone until they prove me wrong."
We should allow people to (earn our trust) by demonstrating honesty and integrity (over time). One has to take note of all "red flags".
Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect your heart.
Everyone is entitled to have "deal breakers" and "boundaries".
If something doesn't (feel right to you) it's probably not right for you.
Looking out for oneself is a necessity these days. The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world!
Totally agree with that. But there are people who once find out that advantage can be taken and they can get away with that. Then keep repeating that endlessly. As if they fix themselves up in a position where they will take advantage like forever.
Yes, that's why it's up to the individual to have hardcore "deal breakers" & "boundaries" so when this stuff arises they will remove such people from their lives. It's about us not them.
Each of us (chooses our own) friends, lovers, and spouse.
People will test you and look for your boundaries or weakness. They are usually people that are trying to gain an advantage over you.
Some are weak people looking to see where they are stronger than you.
Then you have the ones that are looking to con or hurt you and test for a way. People can be selfserving at others expense
Some people are quite adept at detecting weaknesses & other forms of vulnerabilities & go .....FOR THE ATTACK. People usually spot those who give off a sense of low confidence & low self-esteem. They feel that the latter don't have the guard to assert themselves. They also feel that people who ALWAYS put OTHERS before themselves are their prime candidates. Also, selfless & kind-hearted people are the ones who people test.
People tend to test those who they deem are the weakest for the former believe the latter to be victims or easily malleable. People also tend to test those who are blindly obedient for they know that the latter will follow their wishes w/o question. History has shown that people who are the most conforming are the ones who others test because they know that such people wouldn't rebel but ....follow.
People AREN'T about to test those who are strong & have a high degree of self-confidence as they know that the latter will fight back. People also won't test selfish people because the latter are quite vocal regarding THEIR needs & they have a very high regard for themselves. People won't test those who question authority because the latter aren't followers. In essence, people will test only the weak, vulnerable, those w/little or no self-esteem, those who are blindly obedient & conforming because they know that such people will do the former's bidding.
They want to act in their best interest but are testing where your limit is.
I think I'd need more to know what you're asking, like whether or not you're sure that's the motive, what kind of "testing" (because with children it's about boundaries, safety and developing values) and who's doing what.
Sometimes we assume negative motives when they aren't.
And sometimes people run at fences because they aren't sure what the limits are. When concrete boundaries are clear, there is little need to keep trying.
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