What's the best way to let a man down easy?
Let's say a woman really enjoys a man's company and conversation. She actually likes everything about this man, but alas, the sexual chemistry just isn't there for her? How do you tell him you don't feel the same way? Have any of you been "let down" gently? What did the other person say without making you feel resentful?
If a woman really likes a man, sexual interaction shouldn't be a problem. To me, it just seems that the woman is only interested in sexual activities. Therefore, it will seem silly to put someone down just because the sexual chemistry isn't working out. Alas, here is the best way to let a guy down, without any actual harm.
Plan before you make the announcement. Plan where you are going to tell him, and when it is the appropriate time.
Accept that there might be some crying, sadness, or anger.
Once that person is in the appropriate place and time, try to get it out. For example, "Honey, I've got something to tell you. I don't think this relationship is working out." Don't cry on purpose; only cry when the emotion really strikes you. The guy might take it as a joke or a prank, or he might not believe you. If he is denial, try to tell him that you're saying what you feel. Allow each other to cry, and keep it simple. Don't ever say "It's not you. It's me". End this with a hug, and if you think you guys can continue being friends, allow that to happen. Nobody said letting sown someone is easy, so take responsibly for what you did. Remember this: If the guy feels depressed or has suicidal thoughts, take responsibility. Call 1800-784-2433. Remember to take responsibility!
Jeez. I hardly think most men are going to "end it all." And personally, I do not engage in sex if I do not feel any physical attraction. I'm talking about men who fall fast even if two people who are still in the getting-to-know each-other phase.
Chemistry is a huge deal in relationships, otherwise every male-female friendship would be bordering on an intimate relationship. I have guy friends who I think are amazing human beings but I don't feel "that way" about them and that's 100% okay.
Not everyone believes in trying to change water into wine.
The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with! Chemistry and compatibility are a "must have" for most people.
Always be honest. I've lied to guys to make it "easier" on them (like getting a few weeks in and then just saying "sorry I didn't realize I'm not really in the best place for a relationship right now" when actually I just didn't want to have a relationship with *them*) but ultimately it just complicates things even more and ending things with a bit of deception never felt quite right. I think it's fine to simply say "I really like you, I think you're a great person, but I don't see this going anywhere." I think a lot of times people can tell if you're feeding them a line versus the truth anyway.
I'm a big believer in just feeling "that thing" and I've met some really attractive, charismatic guys that I've not been even remotely interested in dating because there was no chemistry or deeper attraction. I've also met guys who were pretty average looking and a bit quirky but I felt "that thing" almost instantly and was very interested in them. So on the flip side, if someone were to end things with me by saying "I'm just not sure there's any chemistry here for me" it would be very easy for me to understand and not take personally.
You're a brave woman, Aime. If someone told me "There is no chemistry," I would feel really depressed, at least for the day. Lol.
To be honest, it's easier to lie. But, as you said, lying could confuse matters--and it really isn't being a grown-up.
I guess knowing that I've had no chemistry with some objectively really great men, I feel like it's not personal in the sense of "there's something wrong with you/something that YOU are missing." If that makes sense?
Good point. I've not felt attraction to lots of men. No reason why they might feel the same way about me. But maybe something like "I am not feeling the connection I thought I would; I hope you understand." I think that would be less "humiliating."
Sometimes I think the gentle letdown is worse. Of course, it depends on the person. In the past, I dated a few men and it just wasn't going anywhere. Most of the time they take the "I just don't think this is going to work" in stride, but other times they will push you or keep trying to win you over. It's like they take it as a challenge to woo you harder. At that point, sometimes you just have to be blunt.
A part of me has a certain amount of admiration for a man who keeps trying. With him, I can be firm. But when the guy is angry or shocked, it's harder to be blunt---at least for me. But you've made it work, Christin, so it can't be all that bad. Lol
I believe most men appreciate honesty in the long run.
Everyone would rather be with someone whom they are naturally compatible with. Generally speaking when a person is concerned with letting someone down "easy" a major goal for them is to not come off as the "bad guy". They're setting themselves up for an unrealistic outcome. He's not going to be happy getting rejected!
Pain usually accompanies rejection especially when one cares about another. Offering "platonic friendship" as a consolation prize will either give the person false hope that maybe they can win them back or set them up for even more pain down the road when he sees or hears about her dating a new guy.
"She actually likes everything about this man, but alas, the sexual chemistry just isn't there for her?" hmmm
Oddly enough I've seen many people answer similar questions on HP with statements about being able to "work on" the sexual chemistry aspect. However I applaud people who stay true to themselves regarding their "must have" traits.
You can't manufacture chemistry. It's either there or it's not.
Both people deserve to be with someone who is into them. Hopefully at the end of the day the guy realizes this.
In order for her to be "the one" she would have to see him as being "the one". A breakup simply means you're not "the one".
Great answer, dashing! I also agree that it is not suitable to offer a platonic friendship. However, if he really can handle the "rejection" and wants to stay in touch, then I believe that is fine since their conversations are so fulfilling.
I too had a girl who really enjoys with my company. I am a business man and she is a software developer. On every sunday we use to date. On one fine sunday evening I was about to attend a friend's function with my girl.
I use to move so closely towards here on every occasion even she feels comfortable with my company. Even I hug her at some extreme but won't kiss her.
On that fine sunday evening, we got a chance to stay together in a hotel room because we just enjoyed party and time went almost 11Pm. We both decided to stay and planned to vacate on monday to our native.
Inside the room I and she even sit very close to each other even she lied on me watching on TV. I completely surrounded here. A nice romantic movie was running and at the middle of the scene hero and heroine were about to mingle with each other.
The same moment I don't know what she thought she just drove away from me. I asked here why? She just smiled and said nothing. I just frankly asked once again what? ...............
She again started to sit by my aside just put her hands on my shoulder and said even we were too close there is no need to have sex, because we are friends and that's it. It's not mean that I will allow everything for you, but I do know limitations.
Then she hugged me and went to sleep. Said me to come and sleep with me.
I don't what to say? Even I won't angered on her and I smiled on her innocence. I feel bad inside myself why I was taken to that situation?
That moment onwards even now also she is really too close to me. I would be happy to have such a decent girl.
Myilraj, This sounds like a case in which this woman was not being responsible. Dating every Sunday & suddenly "just friends?" The case I am referring to is a brand new relationship in which the man falls really fast. BTW, you sound like a nice
Ya but, suddenly falling on this type of relation ship is something unusual as far as I had seen. Thanks for your comment.
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