Why are some of us attracted to someone who is unavailable ?

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   twilanelsonposted 13 years ago

   Why are many of us attracted into relationships with someone who is unavailable ?   Why when we find out the person is not available do we stay in the relationship(all excuses and rationalizations set aside) ?

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      TJenkins602posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I suppose it is the challenge of making this person "available."

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         Dawn the Chipposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I think its probably you they have the commitment issues and this is projected , thus producing/attracting unavailable relationships. You may not think thats true, I was the same, it took me to be 45 before I realised the committment problem was with me.

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      molometerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Because you are not in love with your partner.

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         Marlena Oechsnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I agree...If you are not in love with your partner anymore, your eyes will wander. But once you see something you cannot have, a desire, a spark flares up that gives you such energy. And if you cannot have this other person, you might channel that energy into something you and your partner can use. It's all about the fantasy and the forbidden nature of wanting what you can't have.

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      Maria van Olphenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Attraction does not discriminate. Maybe you should just redirect your focus. There must be something you are doing or thinking that attracts unavailable people.

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   TMMasonposted 13 years ago

   Forbidden fruit.

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   lucymcbeesposted 13 years ago

   Attraction is mix of what your eyes seeing and what your heart feeling.

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   Disturbiaposted 13 years ago

   I don't like the term “unavailable."  We are all available in the sense that we are not property and belong to no one but ourselves.
   
   What attracts us to others is primal.  It doesn’t recognize the rules of society or religion.  It’s a look, a scent, an action, something below the conscious level of thought, and when we encounter someone who emits all the right signals, we are attracted to them.  The chemistry doesn’t care whether that person is in a relationship or not.

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      Inspired to writeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Disturbia you have nailed it right on the head. Even within a relationship, we belong to ourselves! Chemistry! This is the most correct attitude of attraction I have heard in a long time. Primal instincts, it is not our fault when attraction takes over, we can't help it. Enough said.
      Regards Dale

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   Greek Oneposted 13 years ago

   I wish you people would stop hitting on me... I am a married man!

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   LADYGIRLposted 13 years ago

   The reason being is that you basically don't even care about someone else feeling and relationship they think they have with you. You just want someone to be with, forget whomever him/her is with. It all about your selfish ways. And on the other hand if the person who is in the relationship accept the proposal they really doesn't care as well, never did. It all about having good morals.

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   tsmogposted 13 years ago

   OK, I'll take a stab at it. I like what Disturbia said regarding attraction. However, I would like to throw into that mix it is also part of our individual socialized process too. And, from my view unavailable does not always mean they are in another relationship - they are simply unavailable for a long term relationship.
   
   For example. I tend to be attracted to ladies who are smarter than me. I tend to be attracted to ladies who are independent. I tend to be attracted to ladies who may have a conservative career, but not necessarily a conservative personality, if you catch my drift.
   
   Though the dating process occurs the longgggg term relationship is unavailable, usually, well, since I am not in a longgggggg term relationship, then I guess not usually - smile.
   
   In this case I have to think it falls onto sociological factors rather than factors of attraction. Why I have stayed in these relationships in the past, though knowing they are temporary, honestly it is easier in someways. Financially, emotionally, and convenience. Beginning again requires a large investment of emotions, time, and also money, which I am limited on all three.

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   SoonerOrLaterposted 13 years ago

   For some, the reason may be that they, themselves, do not want a committed relationship for one reason or another. Have you ever met someone who has been separated from their spouse forever, but never took the step to divorce?  They actually don't want to take that step so they can live their definition of the best of both worlds.

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      Tulips-smithposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      firstly I think a lot of men and may be some women like to try and have what they can't get and secondly I agree with your point sooner or later about men wanting to have the best of both worlds for example when I messaged my ex today just simple thanks text and dropped a hint about me collecting my wardrobe from his flat.  Never got a message back or anything today.  Gave the guy tthe perfect oportunity to get me out of his life for good and if he does not take it well I dunno really lol!

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   courtlneygdtmposted 13 years ago

   This could also be a form of self-protection, especially if one of the parties have been through a prior marriage, separation and divorce.  If someone is unavailable, they do not have to risk reliving the pain and hurt they suffered  during the previous relationship -- simply because the relationship they are in is not going anywhere.  How can it -- if one of the parties are unavailable? One of the caveats with this type of relationship is that one of the parties is not truly committed (usually the unavailable party), so at the end of the day -- they are both biding their time on a relationship that leads to nowhere.

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      Arlene V. Pomaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Believe it or not, this is what the person wants.  I know older women who have been married 30-50 years and still put up with this nonsense of having an unavailable spouse.  This one woman allows hubby to attend veteran events all over the United States.  He's not a big shot, but he goes to every one of them.  If you put up with this behavior, then you're okay with it.  She is allergic to fish, so she ate some trout by mistake.  He wasn't around.  Would you believe she was trying to drive herself to the hospital as her throat was closing from the allergy?  Come on, now!  You're better off alone!  She is also afraid when she is alone with delivery people or service people.  Do you think he cares?  Of course not!  He's retired.  He could make the time to be there with her, but he doesn't do it.  I wouldn't put up with the jerk.  At least my husband is there whenever I need him or whenever I ask him for support.

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