What's Most Important to You in a Relationship?
As per your current or past experience, What's Most Important to You in a Relationship?
What is the thing which is missing in most of the relationships?
The most important thing to me is (natural) compatibility!
There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply does NOT want what you want!
I'm not talking about little preferences such as brands of toothpaste.
If one person wants children and the other doesn't or one is willing to relocate to wherever the opportunity is to advance their career while the other wants to stay right where they are for life....etc
One person wants to have sex 4 times a week and the other is content with once per week. Over a year's time that's 208 VS 52 times per year!
Any so called "middle" in situations like these would be a (dramatic) change. People don't "change" unless (they) are unhappy.
The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
Compatibility trumps compromise!
Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.
People say relationships are "hard work" but the reality is choosing the "right mate" is the really hard work!
Life is too short to be trying to "change water into wine".
Acceptance is the most important thing. If you accept everything the other person is and is not, and they accept everything you are and are not - then there will be overall harmony. Will there be arguments? Of course. Disagreements? Naturally. Acceptance is key.
My last relationship, the fellow had a problem with making quite a bit of noise when he ate. I cannot STAND "food sounds". To the point of plotting the culprit's death when I hear it. I had to end the relationship. Granted, that was not the ONLY reason for me ending it, however, at the end of the day, I could not accept the fact that he made food sounds when he ate and I was certainly not going to "put up with it", or "overlook" it. There wasn't enough other good things to compensate for that. I could not accept that about him.
Sound shallow? Perhaps. But *I* accept that about myself. When you are considering spending a great deal of time with someone and looking at partners as LIFE partners, you have every right to make sure that you are not settling, that you are accepted and that the other person accepts you - food sounds and all.
Acceptance of minor differences is fine. However if one is verbally/physically abusive that shouldn't be acceptable to anyone! The truth of the matter is everyone is entitled to have "deal breakers" and "boundaries". There are 7 Billion others!
Certainly you need to be compatible with a partner, to a certain degree. But, for me, the most important factor(s) would be tolerance and acceptance. The point is not to find someone that is 100% compatible with you - in the long run, there is no such thing. The point is to find one that you are willing to tolerate her imperfect traits and annoying habits because you accept that this person is not you, nor the idealized version of a partner that the world around us has created in our minds. This doesn't mean that we should tolerate any behavior in a relationship, only that we should be willing to put our ego aside to find the balance where things run smoothly. Not because we are perfect (and deserve a perfect mate, whatever that is), but because we have accepted our partner's imperfections and, thus, our own imperfections. I believe that this is a personal, ongoing quest for each one of us.
The most important thing to me is trust. Without trust, no relationship can move forward smoothly. I believe it is the basic building block of a relationship.
Secondly, I feel compatibility matters a lot. Understanding each other's needs and wishes, respect and giving each other time is also very important.
Showing love and caring in little ways also keeps the relation happy, sweet and long-term.
Nice question Ashish! God bless you! ☺
I totally agree with your answer.
Trust and compatibility is an essential factor in relationships.
Bless you, my friend
Thank you so much for selecting my answer as the best. ☺
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