How do I know if my spouse is cheating?
My husband subscribes to dating sites. What would make him do this? Why would he be doing this? I don't cheat nor give him a reason to be discreet and cheat
If you don't trust him/suspect he's cheating; assume you're right!
Unless you have a history of being paranoid and insecure there's no reason for you to ignore "red flags" or doubt your instincts.
If something doesn't feel right to you it's probably not right for you.
The first question has to be for yourself:
"Is cheating on you a deal breaker?"
If the answer is (yes) it doesn't matter (why) or what his reason is!
Generally speaking the goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.
They're essentially looking to compliment what they have.
Rarely do cheater seek to replace one relationship with another.
Some common reasons given for cheating are boredom or the desire for something "new", their mate no longer does certain things, they feel taken for granted, lack of passion/romance, no longer physically attracted to their mate, no longer have "fun" or flirt with one another, a feeling of missing out especially if they got married very young without much dating experience.
As I stated if cheating is a "deal breaker" it doesn't matter.
If cheating is NOT a "deal breaker" you might suggest couples therapy once you've had discussions with him and have determined he's cheating in response to something rather than just wanting the thrill of being with someone "new".
Another factor is whether or not he's asking for forgiveness and shows genuine contrition for disrespecting the marriage.
Forgiving someone without being asked to is seen as weakness.
Cheating is a decision one makes rather than investing in their marriage usually after they've determined their spouse can't give them what they desire and they refuse to do without it.
Only you can determine what (your) "deal breakers" are.
It's hard to say. Many married men go on dating sites without any plans to cheat or to meet anyone. It's an odd quasi-fetish fantasy thing where they like to pretend they are going to cheat. The key to knowing if he's cheating is his cell phone. If he's texting all the time and he keeps it locked when he's not on it, then he's probably cheating or on his way to cheating. Also, Facebook is another good way to know if he's cheating. Dating sites are for meeting new women/men. Facebook is for meeting former women/men.
What would make him do this?: The answer to 99 out of 100 questions with men is Sex. If a married man is on a dating website, then I would say it's probably because his wife has seemed to lose interest in sex. Men like to have sex a lot. If their wives never want to have sex, then the men feel ripped off--trapped in monogamy to someone who won't fulfill their physical wants. I would suggest talking to him about sex and your relationship.
It is Not okay for him to be on dating websites. He is married to you and his doing this is disrespectful and humiliating. Whatever you do, please do not ever feel like your job as a wife is to be a sexual ATM machine on demand, because he isn't "satisfied." He is acting like a jerk. If he hasn't already cheated, it is just a matter of time until he does. In my opinion, he has technically cheated already. Tell him to stop. Then set up an appointment to see a professional counselor about why he feels it is okay to humiliate his wife. The other guys here gave you some actual reasons why men cheat, but that does not mean you have to accept excuses from your husband to act like he is single.
If he wants to stay married to you, someone who gives him no reason to cheat, then he needs to grow up and decide to become a man who understands the meaning of personal responsibility.
by abovenbehond 2 years ago
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