If someone is cheated on why does it always seem like the cheater blames the oth

1. 63

   Thomas Finneyposted 7 years ago

   If someone is cheated on why does it always seem like the cheater blames the other for it?
   
   On many of my relationships I have been cheated on, then they go and proceed to act like it was my fault. Guaranteed I am not perfect but who is?
   
   

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2. 94

   Jeremy Gillposted 7 years ago

   Yea, cheating is pretty dumb. If someone's at the point of cheating, why not just end the relationship? Clearly they're not terribly invested anymore.
   
   Cheaters, like anyone who makes a serious mistake, desperately grasp for rationale. If they can justify their actions ("you drove me to this!") they relinquish themselves of the guilt and responsibility, People are wired to see themselves as the good guy, which is why some disagreements are so hard to resolve; both parties feel the other is solely wrong.

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3. 71

   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   The real question is why do we bother asking cheaters (why)?
   Most cheaters pressed for a reason as to (why) they cheated are likely going to go into a "cause and effect" mode.
   In other words something YOU did or stopped doing was the catalyst for them to step out. However it should be noted whatever that "thing" is it was not enough to be considered a "deal breaker" in their eyes. If it were they had the option to breakup or file for divorce.
   Generally speaking the goal of a cheater is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Very few cheaters are looking to (replace) one relationship with another.
   They want to complement what they have.
   Having said that I believe there are 3 basic types of cheaters:
   1. The Incessant Cheater
   This person has never been faithful long-term. They get bored very easy and are always on the look out for a thrill that comes with being with someone new or different. For such a person monogamy is the equivalent of going on a "strict diet". It's not a matter of (if) they will cheat but (when) they will cheat. Their motto: "Variety is the spice of life!"
   2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater
   This person is not "proactively" looking to cheat. They may have a crush or admire someone or maybe still hold fond memories for an ex. This person whomever he/she is one day gives your mate the signal they they're interested in them! They're out of town on a business trip or you're out of town or scenario is such that there's a low likely hood of getting caught that it seems like a "once in a lifetime " to turn a fantasy into reality".
   Sometimes this type of cheater will confess weeks, months, or years later to unload the guilt they're carrying if they truly feel they have someone special.
   3. The Discontented Cheater
   This person blames YOU!
   It was you that pushed them to the point of looking outside. However the reality is both monogamy and cheating are choices an individual makes. Naturally the fact they cheated makes them look like the {bad guy} but to do so without a "motive" would really make them look bad so it has to be (your) fault!
   Secondly if the betrayed person buys into it being their fault they might be more likely be open to "forgive" or  get "couples counseling" or choose to "work on the relationship".
   Each person has to decide if cheating is a "deal breaker" or not.
   If it is: Why bother asking (why) since you're leaving?

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