Ahhh...the joy and pain of a relationship that runs hot & cold!
I've been spending online time and real life phone time for over 6 months with a younger man. We have quite a lot in common, so the age thing hasn't been an issue, however, if you can call a man being unsure of his emotions, or maybe even uneasy with a woman being more comfortable with him than maybe he is even with himself..I guess age or immaturity could be called into play here.
As I've noticed little things he says or does, I would swear that he has started, in a way, testing me, using the excuse "I told you you had to have a sense of humor" and claiming some of the pushing away and testing is "just kidding". I do not think he is outright trying to mess with me or hurt me or anything like that. I wouldn't hang around for it anyway, pretty sure he knows that too. It just feels as if since he hasn't had much experience in the way of relationships, that he suddenly realized that 6+ months had passed and things were still going happy and pretty darn smooth with us, and honestly, I believe it frightened him in a way, because he hasn't been this far in before, and maybe not knowing what to expect next has him uncomfortable? Fear of the unknown?
It feels a bit like he is testing and pushing to see when I'll break or say "F off!" He has said in the past that abandonment is his biggest fear, but I think he may have a habit of chasing people away or pushing them too far, and in a way, ending it before they can leave him, if that makes any sense.
I just wish I knew how to make him feel comfortable again, and not over-think all of this. Does anyone have ideas on how to help him? Not just for my sake or the sake of what we have together, but so he can feel confident and 'safe' again, instead of sabotaging the genuine good relationship we've had going for nearly 7 months.
Thank You in advance for your kindness and understanding:)
Is this person seeing a therapist? Is sounds like his issues are related more to family and not to relationship status.
He might be immature about relationships, only because he has limited experience in that area, but he could feel inferior to you, because of your experience.
I guess it would depend on "how" you talk to me or at him? There are too many factors that go into a relationship.
On another note, he could be experienced enough to see what's going on and what direction the relationship is headed, as well as, knowing how much you are involved in the relationship, because you've told him. Thus, he could be a player who is playing you, so as to confuse you and get you to commit more information or feelings, so he would be able play on your emotions.
Again, it's too difficult to figure out, without having extensive information, like his age, his background, your age, your background and everything you've talked about.
It's just a thought. Hope I helped.
It sounds like this young man you are seeing has serious abandonment issues. If you love him, you may want to stick by him and help him get over his fears and build up your relationship, this does not mean that there will be not risk. There is always the risk he could leave you, and yes that could cost you emotionally. There's another hubber thats goes by hollywoodjames and he writes a lot of relationship hubs. He wrote a really good one title Older Women- Younger Men and another hub titled Warning Signs that Your Relationship is Doomed. His work is really deep, and he is very experienced in the area of relationships. I think his work can help you.
He is projecting his insecurities, I believe this could be due to -- as someone already mentioned -- abandonment issues and the resulting insecurity.
Unfortunately, while you may be able to help him, it will have to be his job in pulling his emotional socks up. With enough trust and time it is a natural process.
To one extent or another, I think we've all been there.
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