HARD TO GET MY HUBBY ATTENTION! I TRIED VERY HARD!

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   ssaulposted 13 years ago

   No matter how much i try just can get my husband attention or to get him to understand i have needs as well. He is a very working man and there's a Hugh age different between us, sometimes i think that might be the cause of it.
   He hardly help around the house and always makes excuses because he work hard each day, my child hardly know his dad.

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      prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      hang on there, and tell him about your feelings, difficult for your baby, try to understand him as he is maybe too tired, Talk to him
      
      I hope he will find time for you and his baby as time is very important for children, they wil always rememeber the times their parents were there for them,

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         Ask Janposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I agree with prettydarkhorse

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      Will Bensonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Do you think he could be suffering from clinical depression?

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      qwarkposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Ssaul"
      You say "my child."
      Is he the father of that child?
      How old is the child?

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      goldenpathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Unfortunately, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  Offer him a Twinky and let the chips fall where they may.

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         Kenrick Chatmanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         A Twinky? How about a full course candlelight meal with rose petals leading to the bedroom, bathroom, and so on for post-meal calorie-burning activities?

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            goldenpathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Dude, you rock!  However, it's been a while for me.  At this point, activity like that would probably give me a cardiac arrest!

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               Kenrick Chatmanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               If you go, at least you will go happy.

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                  goldenpathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  I love your positive disposition!  You may have just gained a follower.  Teach me, master....

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                     Kenrick Chatmanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                     lol...

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      Michael Adams1959posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      See my article on men being man of house. maybe that will help. i can't really believe it but I have had tons of comments from people that have read it, just wish they would have left the comments on the hub

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   Greek Oneposted 13 years ago

   when my wife tries to make a point or convince me of something, she usually tries seduction.
   
   When that fails, I find that a frying pan to the side of my head helps to alert me to the urgency of her request

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      prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      hehe, you made me smile, good morning

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      poetlorraineposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      a few times i have read your comments over the last few days. i would have loved to hit you with a frying pan... cannot believe seduction does not work

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   JeanMeriamposted 13 years ago

   Some men are just like that. What seems to help is showing appreciation for the hard work on a regular basis. At the end of the day just try cuddling up and telling him that you love him and appreciate it. You can draw more flies with honey, ya know?
   
   Men are horribly stubborn, the more you tell them they are wrong or doing you wrong the more rooted they get in it. If they work 12 hours and come home to you complaining they aren't there, they will start working 16 hours to avoid the conflict. Give him something happy to want to be home with. It's frustrating and takes a while but it works.

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      Mikel G Robertsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      This is the best advice I've heard.
      
      Personally, I can attest to my own stubborness. Make it a contest of wills and I'll die before I give in.
      
      The only thing I can add is be accepting of doing things differently. What I mean by this is when I was married I tried 'helping out' by washing the dishes or laundry, but it wasn't enough to just do the dishes, no I had to do the dishes her way. I have been washing dishes my whole life (since I was 7 or 8). I know how to do them and what way works best for me. Do not come and tell me how I have to wash them, just be glad that I am. If when I help I get complaints as to how(what method I use) to do the work I'm doing, then it goes right back to 'well then do it yourself'.
      
      Personally I prefer the clean up after yourself philosophy. If when your done with whatever you are doing you clean up after yourself, then the work gets done right away and things stay clean rather than allowing things to get to a certain state of OMG before the cleaning process starts...

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         poetlorraineposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         aw you needed to get that off your chest.  I let my husband wash up, do the shopping, cook the tea, his way, it is great.

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   Lecieposted 13 years ago

   i know with house work you're tired as well. but maybe if you helped him with something that he's doing he may return the favor. if you make the extra mile to make life easier on him he will be glad you're there and maybe just maybe you'll get the result you want. for generations us women have had to work harder to make the relationship work. if you do this and he still doesn't come around then maybe you should suggest marriage counsling. good luck.

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   donotfearposted 13 years ago

   I know the feeling, hon. Have you read the book "The Five Love Languages"?  Read it, it's worth it.

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   Paradise7posted 13 years ago

   I understand exactly how you feel, I felt like that, too, in my marriage.  It's even harder for you with a child.  At least he's still there, he still comes home to you, and that does mean something.  I think hang in, but really, really, do try to talk to him about how you feel.  So often men seem to blow off those kinds of conversation, like feelings aren't important because they aren't a practical matter.
   
   I think sometimes men think too literally and too lineally to listen to a women on these subjects.  It's like they think we're whining, and we're just trying to communicate something important to us. 
   
   Maybe find a topic he's interested in.  That's an old standby from years and years past.

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   Kathryn LJposted 13 years ago

   Yeah, reading a book always gets my husbands' attention.  Guys tend to be a bit self absorbed sometimes.  Being engrossed in something that doesn't involve them usually gets their attention, where as paying them attention seems to drive some of them away.  Get donotfears book and read it in front of your guy.  He will be at least a little curious.  Good luck girl!

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   TheGlassSpiderposted 13 years ago

   I'm sure you've already tried a lot of things to get his attention, so I will refrain from offering that kind of advice.
   
   You've gotten some good suggestions here, and a book to look out for, so while you're pondering those things, check out this video about the differences between men and women's  brains. It will definitely give you a laugh (and maybe your husband too), and this guy might even teach you something.
   
   I wish you the best of luck!
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMZ73mT5zM

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   Glenn S.posted 13 years ago

   Is he honest, trust worthy, and honorable.
   
   Count your blessings.
   
   Be patient, he will probably surprize you with something romantic when you least expect it.

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      Kathryn LJposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Ahh. you sound nice.  The masculine voice of reason.  More male threads please.

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    Kenrick Chatmanposted 13 years ago

    Have you tried a romantic dinner or getaway? Or something totally different and unique.

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    lets live happilyposted 13 years ago

    The best option i do what he wanted from ur side without his asking and dont tell him again and again that u r doing his choice, praise him for every litttle his deed, every time ask him for decisions in different situations, means pamper him with all your efforts, make him ur addict,let it be for a couple of days or a week, then stop slowly and slowly, and u shall reply urself

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    waynetposted 13 years ago

    My mrs did me a candlelit pot noodle and that got my attention, but then inflatable Mavis came in and ruined it, demanding sex on the kitchen table, I just had to....

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       poetlorraineposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       inflatable Mavies?????

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    wayne srposted 13 years ago

    You failed to mention if your husband was deaf or hearing impaired.
    and you say there is a big  age difference.The age  should not matter as long as there is love.But if your husband is hearing and you are deaf,it may be just a matter of communication between the two of you.But I have noticed that the hearing people who marry deaf/hearing impaired persons,I would say maybe 50% of the time usually fall out oflove and divorce.I hope that is not your case.Just hang in there and try to do your best in communication  with your husband. Wayne Sr.

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    theirishobserver.posted 13 years ago

    get him a scary movie and go out for the night come back half way through the movie he will be gald to see you

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    SummerStewardposted 13 years ago

    It seems to me that when a relationship becomes to comfortable the animal instinct is taken out of the picture. For whatever reason ,it sounds like the big bang has been taken out of your relationship. SEDUCE him! By seduce I don't mean sex. Seduction is about more than sex, sex is great, good, wonderful, being willing to GIVE and TAKE and a wonderful quality for a women, but it may be time for you to make him want you again. At an animal level. To think it's absolutely horrible to not want you, to not be with you, to not consume you.
    
    You have to bring surprise back into the relationship. YOu have to stop TALKING about your feelings and just DO it. Show him what its like to be your man. SHOW him how much you love what he does. Men need this show of appreciation just as much as women do. They want to know they rock our world. You want to spice things up? Don't talk about it, just be ready for him outfitted in his favorite fantasy when he gets home and INITIATE. You want to work on intimacy? Show it in kisses and touches.
    
    When he gets home from work one day, get him his favorite movie and have it ready on the tv when he gets home, make his favorite snacks and have them waiting on the coffee table for him. Set up and nice relaxation kit for him, whatever you can think of. Then go out with your girlfriends. Add some mystery to yourself. All that mystery is, is a constant ability to surprise him. Show him in a non nagging way, that you appreciate how hard he works and reward him. Take you and your daughter to a movie, or to your moms, or on a play date and leave him be. When you get home, he will be ready and revived, give him what he needs so he can give you what you need.

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    Kudlitposted 13 years ago

    Sounds like a good idea for a hub:
    
    How To Seduce Your Husband in 5 Easy Steps
    
    

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       SummerStewardposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       haha, I just may! Though my passions lie elsewhere

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