How do you handle a 'brush-off'?

1. 84

   donotfearposted 15 years ago

   In this case meaning: An abrupt dismissal or snub by a person or group.  How about when you continually get the 'subliminal brush off message'.?   Any input?

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      Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      urinate in their coffee... it's the only logical solution

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         donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         
         

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         Disturbiaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         OMG! I'm getting a visual of that and I've got tears in my eyes from laughing... be careful not to splash over the top.

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            Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            oh, it's much better in person

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               donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               
               But if it can't be in person, no response is the best response, right?

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                  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  Not responding is so obvious that it wouldn't work !

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                  1. 84

                     donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     
                     Really?  Ha!  How's that?

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                        tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                        It's obvious !
                        If you don't see it I can't help you

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                           donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                           
                           Gotcha!!! plain & clear now.

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               2. 67

                  Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  I guess you could courier the coffee.. but that can get pricey

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      3. 65

         FranyaBlueposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Greek One, I used to work in a lab and one girl decided to pour a patients urine into the coffee of a really annoying colleague after an argument they had. Gross but true and to make it worse, the urine was taken from the 'pending tray' where they usually sat for days getting black and smelly.

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            Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Pee is one thing.. but if you are going to go that route, the least you can do is give a fresh cuppa

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            mega1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

            oh how gross!  this is worse than spitting in the food!

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               FranyaBlueposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               Yep, I did feel a bit sick after hearing about it. I also felt really sorry for the guy. And the girl who did it felt really bad for ages after.
               
               But it was good for the rest of us, whenever he was annoying all you had to do was imagine him drinking that coffee and you instantly felt better lol

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                  Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  I've written a hub about a coffee chain I visit...
                  
                  their coffee often tastes like urine

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                     FranyaBlueposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     and you still go there?

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                        Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                        how else do you expect me to prepare myself for the day when someone pees in MY coffee??

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                           FranyaBlueposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                           Don't accept drinks from other people and never leave your drink unattended.
                           
                           That's date rape advice but it works for this too

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                              Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                              but how will i meet the man of my dreams???

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                                 FranyaBlueposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                                 You meet the man of your dreams by going to sleep.

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   2. 73

      lorlie6posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      In 2001 I had this happen at work...suddenly my co-workers no longer took breaks or lunches with me.  It was painful, but I knew something was amiss, and after around 6 months, I put in my notice.  Came to find out there was a new owner and the management went through huge changes.  I wasn't what they wanted.  But it hurt.

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      1. 67

         Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         yeah.. then move on.. there could be hundreds of reasons for that..

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         Betty Reidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Wow.  Usually I don't care is someone snubs me, but if it were the entire company, that would be really tough.  That's great if you were able to find a new job before getting fired.

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   3. 0

      Poppa Bluesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Really. get new friends! Why would you want to bother with people that continually dismiss or snub you? The best you can do is be the bigger person and don't bother to interact with them unless it's necessary and keep it professional and never, ever be personable with them, other than to smile and say good morning and good night.

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         Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         exactly.. treat them as if they were your spouse!

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            Disturbiaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            No kidding!

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         donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         
         I like this response, Poppablues.

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   4. 87

      rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      if you continually get it from a 'friend', time to find a new friend.  people who 'brush off' rather than communicate respectfully as a friend are not worth my time.
      
      then there's the other side to consider, we 'generally', not always, get what we're giving. are you in some way making yourself less approachable?
      
      brush offs are not fun and sometimes it's hard to 'brush it off' yourself. I guess if you value the friendship, talk to her, otherwise maybe she was one of those friends who is only a friend for a while. surround yourself with those who love you and want to be around you! life is too short to spend on those who use you.

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2. 69

   myownworldposted 15 years ago

   take the hint...and move on...

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      Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      yes.. i agree with myownworld...
      
      take a hind and move on...
      
      right after you urinate in their coffee

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         Betty Reidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Haha.  Very funny.

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3. 69

   Rod Marsdenposted 15 years ago

   I adjust my glasses and say I must need new ones. Gee I thought I was talking with some decent human beings but apparently not. My mistake.

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      Disturbiaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      No mistake, we are all decent human beings here.

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         Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I can send you a new pair of glasses....
         
         with some coffee

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            Rod Marsdenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            No need Greek One the insult was intended only for the rude person not anyone here.

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         tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Someone who pees in other's coffee is not decent by my standards

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            Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            it was JUST a suggestion... I would never do it myself...
            and you can't prove that I did because there where no cameras around at this hypothetical event

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            1. 84

               donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               
               So Greek One, you never said how you'd really handle a brush-off!!! Give me some serious imput. I gotta hear it...

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                  Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  i need more context.. who is the person, what kind of association with them do you seek... what outreach have you made... what reply have you got?

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                  1. 84

                     donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     A friend of mine out of town who has continually done this from time to time. I wrote it off to the fact she was very busy. Now, I'm not convinced. I believe its a lack of regard for others. Period. She's supposed to be 'very close' to me. Not a casual acquaintance. I don't have to be associated with her, I chose to because I liked her company. But it's fast become a 'give & take situation.

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                        Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                        yeah,, that is common.. people come in and out of each others lives all the time...  sometimes those that are close to use take friendships for granted or get occupied by other things.. especially when they are far away.
                        
                        Don't take it to heart

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                        1. 84

                           donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                           
                           I'll try not to. Just overly sensitive at this point....
                           Don't like being brushed off casually after I've invested with honesty and emotional support.

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                              tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                              I think it's an error to see feelings as investments. You give your friendship and love, without expecting anything.
                              If you do, something's wrong with you.
                              you're angry with your friend because you're measuring your feelings and your time wasted on her against her time & feelings !
                              That's very selfish, to say the least !

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                                 mega1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                                 now,see, that's exactly what I mean!  I have to disagree with you Tantric!  the kind of reasoning that says you are the selfish one for feeling used when someone has brushed you off! I used to think this way but no more!  NO!  people do invest in friendships and we do expect certain returns of affection and thought because it has been that way and then when someone brushes you off, it hurts!  and it really isn't your fault and you aren't being selfish to feel the way you feel!

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                                    tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                                    I never expect anything, and give freely. If someone brushes me off, I just move on and forget about it.
                                    Feelings are not investments !!!!

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                                       mega1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                                       true - that's true - but I'm just an emotional type.  I wish I didn't get "invested" in friendships but I do and feel deeply both the pleasure and the pain.  When we say "investment" in this sense it doesn't mean we expect payback, but feel we have given a lot and been treated unfairly in return.  I know I should not get so attached to people, but I sometimes do.  Not all the time.  I like these cyber friendships because its easier to just live in the moment here and more easily walk away.

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                                       1. 84

                                          donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                                          mega1, I agree with you. Whether it's with a man or a woman, it feels like a slap in the face when you've had quality, meaningful time. If it were a man/woman thing it would sting even more. Regardless, yep...my feelings are hurt. But I'll get over it. I'll just keep on being myself and work on my resentment. That's important.

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                           2. 80

                              mega1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                              I know just how you feel - a friend I've been "close" to for over 25 years brushed me off in a very overt way - and it is also a pattern with her. In the past she has done this several times and then acted like I was at fault somehow - she actually made arrangements to come spend a weekend, didn't call, didn't come, never said Boo about it - when I called her finally she said that "something else came up".  So I have finally written her off and won't respond to her anymore.
                              
                              I'm wondering if this is a personality type because she sounds just like your "close friend".  She also tells whopping lies that make no sense and then brazenly just denies them when found out and confronted!  I'm not the best friend I could be either, so I used to feel like it really was my fault when she did these things, but I have finally gotten wise, although I still hurt over it however stupid that may be.

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                           3. 67

                              Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                              t's natural to be hurt... but if you don't take it personal (ie if it is not a direct slight against you with the intent to hurt you), then just realize that that is the nature of human relationships

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                     2. 84

                        donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                        
                        I think it's time I moved on...or her. Looking objectively, it appears she's a user wanting association when it's convenient for her, not the stable lasting kind. Think I'll sit back and wait for her to contact me again. When she finally does, as is her pattern, I'll just tell her:
                        "If you have time for a p#%, s%^&, & shower, you have time to email, text, or call.  It's obvious you don't give me any regard.  Don't say you'll contact me then not do it.  I don't like being disregarded or brushed off.  I won't be brushed off again.  It's inconsiderate & rude."
                        Maybe this is the answer. I gottaa go to work right now, but I'd love to hear any other input.

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                     3. 76

                        IzzyMposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                        If you feel your friend is not acting like a friend anymore, it's time to let the friendship lapse.
                        No need to for nasty words or anything like that, just don't call her - let her call you. Listen to what she has to say and advise her as normal, but no longer confide in her like you would so with a true friend.
                        You never know she may be keeping something from you, something bad that has happened/ is happening to her and not everyone confides everything. It may be something she is embarrassed about and so doesn't want to talk about.
                        As you don't know, and as you haven't done anything to her, keep the relationship friendly but distant. When she is ready to tell you (if there is anything to tell) you want her to know that you are a ready ear, but there is nothing else you can at this point. Hope that helps:)

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                        1. 84

                           donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                           
                           Yes, this too could be a possibility. This is what I call "giving it the benefit of a doubt", which is what I automatically do. But when it happens more than twice, one begins to wonder the nature of the person.

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         2. 84

            donotfearposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            
            But the thought doesn't hurt anything. "Thoughts okay, actions not"

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               tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               It doesn't hurt ! LOL!
               But I would never have a coffe with Greek one !

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            IzzyMposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Consider it 'urinotherapy'!

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               Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               EXACTLY.. thank you Izzy!

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               tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               Now you're pissing me off !

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                  IzzyMposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  

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                     tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     

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         4. 60

            Disturbiaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Obviously it's not OK to pee in someone's coffee, unless, of course, they brush you off... seriously, we only entertain the fantasy here, right?

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               Greek Oneposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               nope.. evidently everything this written here is truthful.. kinda like what you see on TV

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      3. 69

         Rod Marsdenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Glad to hear there are only decent human beings here Disturbia. I was referring to how I would handle a rude brush-off.

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4. 84

   donotfearposted 15 years ago

   Ha..maybe send one of those appointment reminder cards: Have you forgotten? 

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5. 0

   Crazdwriterposted 15 years ago

   This has happened to me quite a few times..back in HS a friend I was close to was supposed to come over and stay with me...intead she lied saying she had to go back to LV where she had moved to in our junior year, but instead she stayed with another person (one ho had threatened to kill me back in HS while she was dating my husband who had been an ex then) My mom and I saw her at the mall and she instantly put an arm around me when I said hi to her she was shocked and thrown off by seeing me. The next day she tried apologizing to me and I simply said F off. We r kind of talking because she is my husband's best friend but I don't trust her nor are we close anymore.
   
   another time was while I was living in Hawaii and supposedly the Navy wives were nice and supportice and blah blah blah...BS...I kept asking them to do things and they blew me off so I sent a letter to the head Navy wife whatever she is called and told her off. felt great. There is a new wife in charge and I had to contact her because some pictures I had taken when my husband came back was never given to me. She and her husband were pissed that I had been treated so poorly. And she even found a few pics, not the right ones but still nonetheless was still a few pics with me holding up my sign for my hubby when he returned from deployment. And she said that she wished I was still there so she could meet me and teach the other women respect.
   
   
   In your case I think a letter telling her how you feel and that you don't appreciate the brush off. Tell her that now your friendship is over and don't bother calling anymore. that's what I would do.

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6. 70

   Cagsilposted 15 years ago

   How do you handle a "brush-off"? See it for what it is and move on.

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