I haven't been contacting my exboyfriend at all since he broke up with me about three weeks ago. I did call him a couple of times to talk about our friend that recently passed away. He was the one who broke up by the way. Anyway, I was on Facebook earlier and I did not talk to him, but he started talking to me, and said:
"Okay, tell me honestly, do you seriously believe we will get back together?
I am curious
Matter of fact, nevermind.
I'll discuss it another time.
Goodbye for now."
All in one shot without me responding. What does this mean? Does he want me back?
I think it means "I have an opportunity and was wondering if I should avoid it since we might get back together but then I realized that it's not cheating if we're on a break, so nevermind. Let's talk about it later."
But I really have no clue.
Sounds like he might be missing you but isn't sure whether or not he actually wants to be back with you, or just wanted to see if you were missing him and is playing a head game to get the information he wants to hear. I would be careful with this and don't make contact with him again unless he contacts you let him think if you had read that statement...
Oh God! Men! First, I must warn you that I have been through this a few times, and it has NEVER worked out for me. It seems, to me, that all men get lonely for "old times". Every situation is unique, but if it is over and you are over the hurt of being dumped, don't open yourself up for that cut to be re-opened. Protect yourself.
Suggestion: don't bring it up. Just leave him alone. You made a mistake, learn from it and move on. He maybe thinking you want to reconnect, possibly. Again move on.. leave him alone.
Matter of fact, nevermind.
I'll discuss it another time.
Goodbye for now."
Definitely wants you back. He wants to talk to you again obviously and wants to continue and discuss.
I'm not sure what is "definite" anymore... I wish I could, but life is one of those... Very confusing things. Mostly relationships, I find.
I'm still giving him time, if he initiates contact again, I will talk.
Sounds to me like he's playing her.
I don't know if he's "playing" me.... It could just be like a test. That's how I sort of feel. Then again, after going through a bit, messages can seem mixed and confusing.
That is manspeak for "If we arent going down the same road, I would do it in a heartbeat!"
Sometimes relationships can be confusing. I'm not sure if he wants you back or not, if he truly did wouldn't he just be upfront about it? I'm not sure what type of person he is, if he hides his feelings, or whatever.
So I guess my best answer would be, maybe?
He's that type of person who always thinks he's right and hates to be wrong... So I had a theory that if he DOES want to get back together that he may just be portraying it in an odd way... Simply because HE broke up with ME without any true reason. He wants to feel "right" perhaps.
As I see it, it's fairly obvious what he's doing - testing to see if he can still get your attention in order to stroke his own ego.
If he genuinely wanted to date you, he'd be at your door with flowers (or similar) asking you to take him back. He wouldn't be hiding behind a computer screen playing silly games.
I agree with this. How long were you two together? I'd seriously avoid a relationship with somebody who is only willing to have conversations about serious things over facebook, email & SMS but not face to face! If he really wants to be with you, he will make the effort to show you. If he can't or won't then I think you are better off without him.
And that's why I'm playing the no contact game in order to get him to realize what he's missing... That much I can do.
Do you both have mutual friends that you have been speaking to concerning this situation? It sounds as though he heard through the great vine that you would like to get back together hense the opening statement "do you seriously think that we will get back together"? Then he all the sudden no longer wants to talk about it. Maybe he is scared of your reaction to the question because he doesn't know what you'r answer will be (yes, no , maybe). At this point I agree with the other hubbers that it sounds like he hasn't made up his mind either way. If he wanted you back this instant he would make it happen ie. he'd be bangin down your door.
That's his way of saying he's not getting any and wouldn't mind jumping your bones until the drought is passed.
Hmm, care to translate? XD
If it's about sex, we're both virgins despite how long we've been together. We have good morals and love eachother because of who we are.
Sounds like he's trying to convince you to have sex with him and take it to the next level! I think we should have sex and make him jealous.
Ehhh, no thanks.
We both agreed on a very mutual level that we were going to lose our virginity to each other when we were at least 18.
I would venture a guess and say if he wanted to be with you he wouldn't have broken up with you. Then again some people do some weird stuff at times. Maybe he made a mistake and wants to remedy it or he thinks he made the right decision but is second guessing himself.
The question is not whether HE wants to get back together with you, but rather if YOU want to get back together with him.
Trust your feelings and instinct in this matter and you'll be fine.
Yeah, I agree with the above comment. I believe he's playing a head game and is also on an ego trip. He wants you to want him, but he wants to take you or leave you at will. That's not a good relationship. Leave it alone! My advice, having been hurt by such people, way too many times.
That is saying that he is confused and that maybe the relationship thing isn't working for him right now. He may have some stuff on his mind. Men tend to hide their feelings and if a relationship is involved they most likely push it to the side and just deal. If he is saying things like that, if I were you I would leave him alone and move on. He is making it seem like you are running behind him or something.. Just take things as they are and hit the delete button to his friend link on Facebook..
Well, that's the odd thing... He says he still loves me and wants to talk and see eachother as much as we did when we were together...
Well, perhaps... But we didn't fight, cheat or anything.. And I know a lot of long term relationships have ups and downs... He perhaps doesn't know how to deal with it... We both love eachother and he told me that before he broke up... I don't have a true reason to feel as though I should hate him.
If you broke up, then you broke up. Regardless, if you cannot figure out why you two broke up, then I would say it was due to immaturity and the relationship should be non-existent.
Just a thought.
Did it exist in the first place? I sort of don't buy a platonic relationship between a boy and a girl at that age.
Well, believe it or not, we met online. On a site called Neopets. I lived in Maine and he lived in Florida. Well, we were friends for about 2 years and he supposedly has always liked me. Well, two and a half years ago we didn't ask eachother out. We merely said "I love you" to one another on the computer.
We then met last June, so almost a year ago. He came up to Maine and it was the best thing ever. Then my family and I went to vacation down in Florida for Disney and all and we met up again. Well guess what? I'm now living in Florida because my family decided they wanted to move here. What are the odds, right?! All I know is that this happened for a reason...
Us meeting eachother on Neopets and seeing eachother and me moving down here... It's all too incredible... Don't you think?
It might be incredible or it might be not - but the guy wants to f**k you, plain and simple. This is not something he has any control over. He can pretend he doesn't want it, to please you - yet his hormones are giving him a hard time...
Which is likely to be the underlying reason for your break up btw...
Well, it certainly wasn't on my side.... I took the unfortunate action to try to win him back by begging, but it naturally didn't work. The break up was about three weeks ago like I said and I've only initiated contact with him maybe 4-5 times, ALL about our friend.
All of my serious relationships were on again, off again. I eventually ended things for good with my high school boyfriend, but we broke up and got back together a bunch of times. It's only natural. When you're growing up, sometimes you aren't in the position to have someone else by your side.
As long as you two are honest with yourselves and each other, things will happen the way they're meant to. Don't listen to people saying to call things off for good, that's just cynicism.
How good are you at taking advice that doesn't fit with your preconceived idea of the answer you want to hear?
If you have been with this person for 2.5 years then you certainly should know him and yourself in relation to your relationship with him. Or maybe that aspect has not been important enough?
Why you would discuss a relationship publically in an open forum is a clue that the depth of the relationship was pretty shallow. Most people who have a realistic understanding of relationships know that having a platonic relationship with someone is a far cry from having a full blown relationship with them which has a sexual basis to it.
I think you will find that your ex made the decision to sow wild oats instead of wasting himself with someone who imposes her own restrictions on him as a basis of controlling him.
As you (if you are honest with yourself) know there are plenty of fish in the sea... and a simple trip to the reef with his mates would show him that having a relationship with the anglefish is abit tame when there are some pretty hot sharks out there that will blow his bubbles in a wink. Isn't that what he's telling you?
So hey get over it and stop looking for and playing games for attention..... Write him off as a shark bite victim and spend the time learning how to relate to other fish.
I appreciate any advice or input anyone is willing to give me, with an open mind. Of course, I trust him and love him more than anything. Posting this was nearly to get some feedback from other people. Possibly people who have been through the same thing... I mean, it's quite rare for someone my age to have been in a relationship this long... Heck, to be boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 and a half years is long in today's modern world.
I wouldn't say that I am over him, I am just over begging him back because quite frankly, it won't work. I am coping with it.
Oh and I do not wish to control him at all. If I were a truly controlling person I WOULD be playing mind games with him, but I am not. About four days ago I had called him to talk about the loss of our friend... I told him that if he ever needed anyone to talk to, he could always call me. We have a very deep bond, it isn't anything superficial and it almost isn't anything most people could understand...
Thank you though, I appreciate your perspective on things.
Good on you... thanks for your answer.
There are many issues involved in your posted situation.
I find it hard understanding that 2.5 years is perceived to be a long time for a relationship today. That is really sad.. in fact, probably the saddest part of the situation that you have presented here.
In my life I learnt to believe more in myself and others when it comes to time with people. If you take the actual 'ownership' aspects out of the equation.. eg: My.. Our.. B/f.. G/f.. ex partner... etc. Then the key issue in the relationship is one of Friendship. That has the ability to last beyond a lifetime and really does define the quality of the relationship that you have with the other person.
Good luck... Can you remain friends? (in reality)... only if neither has claim over the emotional grounds of the other.
So..... When will you trust yourself with joining this site as a writer as opposed to what you have done here to date?
Ok, here is what he is doing, at least 90% certain. He is checking to see if you are still into him. There are many reason why guys do this, call it stringing along or whatever.
1. It is for his ego, keeping the ties warmed up so that it is easier to talk to you, come crawling back, "hang out" or whatever he is looking to do.
2. He likes you, but for whatever reason is just wanting to do other things. This is almost the worst as it leaves all these unasnwered questions etc. It is almost better to either love or hate someone unless you are chill being friends..and flirting.
3. He is into you, but maybe not that into you right now.
Make him chase you a bit, we pursue that which retreats from us (Tao of Steve...fantastic)
Hey, that's what I've been attempting right now... XD
I think it's a mixture of all, really... Just from knowing who he is and what would make sense from his actions...
Does anyone else have any more input or opinion on this?
Go find other people to talk to, hang out with etc, if you are meant to be then you will be, if not then move on and find MR. Right
Besides, you are too cute to wait around for some fool to figure his own mind out.
I'm not waiting on him, I suppose. I'll live my life in a way that I can enjoy. It's odd, but I've learned that if I want him back I have to live without and accept it. I guess I already have!
If or when that time comes where he wants to talk about getting back together, I will not say "yes" right away. I will ask him WHY and what made him come to the conclusion. If he's legitimately sorry and has good reasons, I will give him another chance. I think everyone deserves second chances.
He is not a bad person, just a person who doesn't quite know himself and isn't ready to admit it. But he's only 17, so I'm going to give him space until he contacts me and I'll see what's up.
That's how I'm going to go about it for now!
This all sounds very reasonable. I was a IDIOT at 17...heck, I am still an idiot, most of us men are. But that doesnt mean you have to put up with our crap! Good luck with it all!
Well that and he had a slight anxiety problem with not being able to see me as often as he'd like. We usually see each other at least twice a month. We live an hour away. I mean, it's better than when we lived across the country from each other! He was also put under a lot of stress lately when our best friend passed away and how our friend's mom didn't like him and how he ALSO had to deal with other crap from other people. It can be a lot on a homeschooled 17 year old.
I am definitely going to cut him some slack, to a DEGREE. So if or when he wants to get back together at any point, I will give him another chance.
There's no point in thinking 'what does he mean' - think how often in your life you have made an assuption and got it wrong. If you really want to know what he thinks then there is only one person you need to ask and that's him.
However, before you do that - you need to ask yourself some questions. " Do I really want to contact him or am I just curious?", "Would I like to get back with him?", "How will I feel if he does/doesn't want to get back with me?", "Do I trust him?" Answer them honestly and then decide whether you're going to contact him. If you do - it will be your choice and you will have to live with whatever he says back and how you react.
Thank you for the advice. I think I have mostly considered asking myself these questions, but my ultimate goal is that he'll want to be my boyfriend again. And to do this, I really can't contact him at all unless it's a pressing issue. I'm afraid to push him further away.
I believe you deserve someone better. The message may not be what you think it is. Just leave him alone and move on.
I wish I could know what he means...
I can't tell if he wants to be with me again or is questioning me if I still love him. I still do... And I know he still loves me, which is truly confusing.
I am leaving him alone and moving on in a last ditch effort that maybe it will spark something. You know, like "absence makes the heart grow fonder" type of deal. I know that he was upset when I didn't call him for so long...
Regardless what he means. Your best bet is leave him alone. Move on. Find another bf. You are better off. You deserve far better than him. Consider not calling him anymore. You maybe hurt in the long run. The only reason possibly he said that was that you did call him about a matter. Move on, my friend.
Maybe it's unfortunate but I'm not the type that really "looks" for a significant other. It was just lucky that we fell so deeply in love. Everyone does tell me I deserve better. I mean, he's a good person with just... Not the right priorities in order. He was going through a stressful time with our friend dying and people starting crap with him. He's usually a very caring and loving person.
I will take your advice and move on. But, I will leave the door open for him if he wants to come back WITH a good explanation...
Ashukah really i do care for you u are indeed nice and truthful.
I understand you have feelings for him. However, stand your grounds. Again you deserve better. Shot the door and lock it.
There is a guy out there that is a thousand fold better than him.
Who love you the way you want to be loved. He unfortunately was a mistake for losing you. He in my opinion has no taste for dumping you in the first place. However, playing hard to get will definitely find My right. Stand your grounds,. Good luck my friend.
I guess I will do as I always have and be patient! Whatever happens, happens... I believe love can find anyone if they wait for it.
Your ex isn't worth it but there's someone out there, just for you.
Definitely.. however, suggestion: it would do you a world of good to never call him again. Time will find you a bf, just be at your best and be yourself.
Since you asked....
Don't call him. Don't initiate contact with him. Ever. If he wanted to see you, he would. If he wants to talk to you, he will. If he wants to be in your life again, he'll make it happen.
The "mixed message" he sent you was just that: a mixed message, a game. He's testing the water, selfishly. He ended it, now he can live with it.
Don't sit around and wait for him. Go out & have a good time. Be you, be free. I had several treat me that way before I met my current husband. It's a game. Don't let him play you honey! BTW, I'm 51 yrs old, an old chicken, but I know what I'm talking about. You're pretty, so go out and show the world who you are!
You're welcome. I don't mean to sound harsh, hon, I just feel your pain here. I remember all too well how it feels. Sucks....being left in limbo like that. Just makes me wanna cuss. %%$##$%^%*(()(*&^^
Oh no, I understand! It doesn't sound harsh, merely truthful.
Surprisingly I'm dealing with it quite well at the moment. I'm just going with the flow!
I am sure you did. However, unfortunately.. he doesn't feel that way. You need to move on. Talk to your family about this.
Well, he apparently does feel that way... He told me that he still loves me and isn't sure on why he left. I mean, we never really fought that often and we had a tight bond...
I am moving on with life, do not worry. And I have talked to my family about this and pretty much I'm just going to wait til he contacts me.
Well, he told me this a bit ago, about two weeks.
He's called me once and has tried talking to me on Facebook a few times since he broke up with me. I've only contacted him three times to talk about our friend and what not.
The times I called he said things like "...You haven't called in like... Forever." and "Thank you very much for calling."
I mean so far it seems like he wants to me to talk to him everyday and pretty much see each other as much as we did. Kind of wierd right?
Sounds like a dweeb to me. Most me to NOT know how to say what they feel. Repeat DO NOT. If these were his words, he is missing you but doesn't want the fear of rejection from you if he just says. "hey I'm missing you". So this is most mens way of saying both. He can't just say this outright which I think is a real turn on if he did. Which makes him look like a dweeb. A see-sawer. On the fence. You get what I mean. Drop him dead because he'll do the same thing another time and another and....
Ehhh, so you sure this is his way of saying he misses me?
I guess I'm just so confused about the situation I don't know what to think.
RUN! and don't look back. I don't know the guy but from the posts it sounds maybe he wanted to see someone else but it didn't work out and now he came back to you. Is this possible? I wouldn't trust him. But that's just me. If he left in the first place, I would be wondering why. That would drive me crazy! I don't see him as a committed person. Good luck!
Well, we stayed together for 2 years and 7 months and he told me he wasn't leaving to be with anyone else. I mean no offense, but he's homeschooled and all and only knows about three other girls and one of them is a lesbian and the other cheated on our friend, so yeah...
Eh, whatever happens happens. If things work themselves out, great. If time heals me, wonderful.
Ahhh okay, anyone else have any input on this confusing situation?
going along with casgil...and to quote a useful book...it's called a break-up becasue it's broken. he's your ex for a reason. really, why waste time over someone that merely confuses you, breaks up with you, and makes you feel unsure of your decisions? you could be spending that energy elsewhere, with someone who really wants to be with you.
I want to direct you to the following hub that is related to this very thing. It is totally right on...read it with an open mind....http://hubpages.com/hub/5-Signs-Hes-a-Player
Yeah, I think he might be a little messed up, but not quite player like. The thing that's really separating him from being a "player" is the fact that he isn't with anyone right now and I was truly his first girlfriend. He's not really that type, I guess.
Well I have good news. We talked the other day on the phone and he seemed happy enough to talk to me. We talked for like a half hour too! I messaged him later for forgiveness about a lie I had made near the beginning of the relationship. I guess he didn't feel like we had complete closure on it... Well, like I said he was going through a stressful time even a bit before our friend died and replied back with:
"It's alright... I'm getting by just fine, stuff of the past doesn't bother me as much now, I guess. Though I gotta admit I have few things to do, that's why I am saving money for stuff. And spending hours a night making guns. XD
Ever since a bit before Elvis passed, I think I have draw one thing, and written nothing. A lot has been drained from me, so I'm tryin' to get it all back"
He also said he appreciated the message. He still does love me... Does it sound like he might come back? I really do hope so...
by Ashukah 9 years ago
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