I work out at a gym 6 days a week and have seen a guy whom I have been attracted to for the last 4 months. In the mean time several men have been drawn to me and regularly come up to me to talk, flirt or help me work out. Previously this guy I am attracted to did not pay attention to me. About a month ago he started to notice all the guys coming around me and he is beginning to show signs of perhaps being interested. I have noticed him laughing with other guys around me and when I work out in an area he seems to walk over and work out right near me. He does not make eye contact but from a distance I can see him glance at me though the mirrors. At first I thought he was married but recently found out he was not, or even in a relationship. One of his work out buddies stopped to talk with me and I said, "too bad your friend is gay because he is quite attractive." They guy laughed and said, "what? he's not gay!" I lied just to find out if he was married. I said, "oh some guy told me he was." So his friend went back to him and teased him. The next day he was nervous but upbeat and again when ever I would use a piece of equipment he would get on the one next to me. I keep getting other men talking with me and I wonder if that is making him nervous. I think it is good that I do have other men interested in me but I would prefer him to come around. I am playing the classic hard to get game. I find that men need a challenge especially a man like him who can clearly get most any gal he wants. The other guys say that too. So, I am not going to be like all the other women who chase him. I wonder if it is because I'm not chasing him is why he is not sure what to do with me. My question is, do guys always make eye contact to show interest? Or do they try not to make eye contact because they are scared or feel inferior? Does having other men around me work to my advantage? Hopefully I can get a mans opinion on this one. Thanks for your input.
First let me be clear. I am not a guy. But since I have had some experience in this matter (quite a bit actually), I thought I might share some thoughts. Although eye contact is a traditional method of indicating interest, it isn't always used. Some don't like to be caught looking, so they only do it when they are pretty sure you aren't paying attention. Typically only very shy men wouldn't make eye contact out of fear, but they often check you out covertly. And most men do not feel inferior, even if they should. In fact, the men who may feel like you are out of their league often will be the first to approach you because they feel they have nothing to lose.
Having other men hanging around may work to your advantage initially, but may backfire. Not all men like dating social butterflies and dealing with constant competition. It makes it harder for him to stand out and earn your interest, if he is not a die-hard, competitive jock. Also, it makes it hard for him to find that opening which will dazzle you with his brilliance. The fact that he is choosing to work out near you is a pretty good indicator that he is intrigued, but he may have good reasons for not wanting to approach you. Perhaps he wants to overhear your conversations with other men to find out about your personality.
While men do enjoy the chase, keep in mind that if they date you only because you're the prize that the other guys are after, usually it won't be a match made in heaven. You will just be a trophy. And guys do like their trophies. But think of the trophy shelf that gets filled up and then only looked at when they are bragging to someone. Having other men around does broadcast your availability and creates gossip about you in the guys locker room. Just make sure it is positive gossip.
If you want to break the ice with him, make sure there is some time without the other guys around where he can approach you on his terms. You could help that out by creating an opportunity for him to notice you on a different level. Say you needed some change for the juice bar. Or perhaps you accidentally knocked your headphones out of your electronic music device and he got an earfull of your favorite tune. See if he looks at you then, and then see if he smiles or comments. Perhaps you could flirt a little with him by dousing him with a small bit of your favorite light body spray to help his workout area smell a little nicer.
There are many approaches you can take, but using other men to present a challenge isn't the best move at this point. If he has other women he is interested in, perhaps he will prefer to take the path of least resistance and before you know it he could be in a relationship with another woman and you will be left wondering what happened. While I am not advocating chasing him, you need to let him know you think he is interesting too. Men loved to have their egos stroked. So far you have let him know you thought he was gay, and maybe he's hanging around you just to prove he's not. He probably feels confident in his heterosexual life, but may wonder what gave you the idea that he was anything but straight. If your answer is because he hasn't put the moves on you yet, then you come across as arrogant. If it is because of the purple speedos he wears when working out, that's a good reason.
I think that after a month of playing around, it is time for at least a little small talk. After all, having a relationship with someone generally means you have to find something to talk about over dinner or in the morning. I say you should start now, because the longer you play hard to get, the more opportunities he will have in the real world to pursue other choices.
Hope this helps. I'd love any feedback on how it went. My hubname is bloominbec, and today is my first day hubbing, so you probably know better than I do how to reach me. Take care and happy hunting.
guys are hard to figure out. find out what u have in common(music movies sports) go up and say hello.if it was ment to be it will happen but fate cant happen if u just stand there.
yes i contact is first thing, which is our communication channel.Girls are shy in doing first but men sometimes also hesitate to express ,may be you look muscular ...lol...sorry...
when he complete his work out...you done ur 's, just go out of the gym same time and simple hand shake can add fuel to fire...just do and say hello to him...i personally know ..girls have 440 volts in them.... literally speaking....
it will work out actually...
Take Care and have a Volcanic effect upon him..
If you're really interested in him and you want him to make the first move, then pick a secluded area, not normally your work out area, and see if he follows you and repeats the same pattern he has been doing. If he chooses a machine next to you, and you've gone out of your way to relocate, then there is a good chance his actually interested in you, but too timid to make the first move.
What is his reasons? Who knows and why care at that point. You will have learned what you needed to know. The next move is up to you, not him.
If he does pick a machine next you, even though you went out of your way to move to a secluded place, then break the ice by asking for his assistance. Then gauge his reaction from that.
If he tries to gain leverage, so as to brush against you or get close, then you know he is interested in you more than gauged originally. If he maintains his distance, then the move is up to you again. You can gauge his responses by your actions. Thus, deem if he is just shy or respectful.
Just my thoughts on it. And, I am a man, if that helps.
I think Bec gave you some very good advice.
all I would add. is let him know you're interested. say hello, be friendly. don't miss an opportunity by playing games. you've been attracted to him for 4 months. I say quit playing hard to get, and simply be yourself. you have absolutely nothing to lose unless you play too long and he loses interest.
by realtalk2473 years ago
A friend and I had a conversation pertaining to men's lack of courage when approaching a woman to date or meet. So I conducted an experiment. On a random afternoon I had a lunch at a popular crowded...
by FelineFrance6 years ago
I am curious as to why it is wrong. I do agree that is there is much more to a relationship than looks. What if you are 5 ft 11 woman and do not feel comfortable dating a 5 ft 2 man? Why is it shallow? Isn't a...
by kirstenblog8 years ago
How would you deal with unexpected contact from an ex after a long period of no contact? The relationship was an unhappy one and the breakup painful and angry. They say 'no hard feelings' but I still have hard feelings....
by LadyTwizzelton6 years ago
The never ending battle of good girls vs. bad girls. Taking a poll now with your votes for Bad Girls or Good girls.BadGoodThe nice guys say the like nice girls and don't want to deal with ego driven, bossy women. But,...
by AnonimusAdvice2 years ago
A follow up To my "SEXY is not the same thing as BEAUTIFUL" essay
by Chocolate Lover7 years ago
Some friends telling me that some of guys they have been dating lately are not calling them back or never pick up the phone or never knock on their door anymore. What happen?I will understand if it's only short time...
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners.
Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc.
HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.