I recently asked a group of single men, 23 to 35 years old, how they felt a woman would answer that question. Mixed reviews. I would love to get the many Hub-Lady's outlooks. This is as diverse and varied a group as I'll ever find.
Be as honest or brutal as you feel the answer warrants. Thank you ahead of time.
I am not into being dominated any time or any place.
well...i read your hub and, so as not to throw off your hub's chi and since it relates to the topic of discussion i will comment here.
male dominance has nothing to do with taking over conversations, 'snagging the hottest chick in the room', not respecting other's opinions or taking someone's ideas and taking credit for them. that, to me, is arrogance and self-importance to the nth degree.
there is a difference, to me, in men who are confident yet respectful to others, including women, who know what a woman is about and how to handle her, including taking the lead in shall we say romantic encounters and men who just drive their tank of dominance over everything and everyone he encounters.
p.s. the only times "he" and "his" should be capitalized is when we are talking about God. and BDSM and that sort if stuff is sick, IMHO.
Just the one hub? I believe I've got 3 or 4 on the subject, thus far. ;-)
By all means, feel free to comment on any Hub of mine, in any manner you find warranted. If their chi cannot survive intelligent criticism, they need not remain posted.
Thank you very much for your input, Cosette. And the P.S.
I love when a man takes control... but only when I allow him to! heehee
I think it's exciting for sex......as long as you know you can 'pull the plug'
but not in everyday life---have to kick their ass, sob's!!
See? Masculine Dominance in the bedroom can either be extremely attractive or just plain ridiculous. It depends on the man.
lol... totally depends on the man. If he's not normally a bully, but your slave in real life. The take charge change is really interesting. But bully in everyday life and bully in bed...that's called another thing.
Klara, can you elucidate some on what might separate the attractive from the ridiculous?
And thank you for your input.
I think it depends on the man's personality. You can have one man repeat the same behavior/same dialogue as another and it might come across as a complete goofball because he's not being himself. This is what I think about all people - everyone should be himself/herself above all else. If a man is sensitive, then he needs to act the way it feels natural to him, etc. A woman will pick up on the fact he's not acting normal if he tries to do otherwise, and chances are she won't find it attractive.
I hope it helps. Sorry for the original short answer. I tend to be blunt sometimes.
Thanks for the elaboration, Klara. (You say blunt like its a bad thing.)
My only contention with your very valid point, is that success leaves clues, and behaviors can be learned (and taught). 5 years ago, the Pick Up Artist (PUA) movement was flourishing among the nerds of 100 big cities across the globe. Social dorks who couldn't even approach a woman prior to their "training", found themselves closing like professional ball players inside of a month. Just by mimicking lines and methods developed by NLP wonks, and behavioral psychologists.
I know that seems far fetched, but feel free to look it up. I don't teach those methods, because they tend to create callous Don Juan's too jaded to find real love, and too obsessed with conquest to carry those skills into their Professional lives.
I agree w/ Kiarawieck. To elaborate a bit...
Dominace by a man in the bedroom, as long as it is consentual by both parties can make for funky fun, if the man in question can pull it off. He must be able to take command but remain humane... in other words it's a game, he still has to care about the female, to my way of thinking.
Outside that situation I don't care much for the idea. I can see a man taking charge in a situation where he may be better suited to make decisions and have more experience such as a doctor when folks are sick and so forth. But I think that in any relationship it has to be a give and take kinda thing with both parties being on somewhat equal ground.
With all of that said I must further point out that what works for some people does not work for others. Some woman like to be told what to do, how to think, what to feel, and so on... I'm just not one of them.
I was trying to NOT dive right in to BDSM, vix. I had rather asked if you found it attractive, not was it fun in the bedroom. I appreciate your answer, never-the-less. I'll try not to imply anything about you by the direction you took the question. ;-)
Upon further reflection, I can only say that the quality is attractive only to a point. A dominant personality that is so because the people surrounding said persona give up power to him as he is clearly the best choice to be in charge is truly intoxicating to behold.
On the other hand, the dominant persona that is pushy, overbearing, arrogant, or pompus is not attractive at all. This type of man impresses me as typically being insecure but trying to mask it. Ones that take it to a physical extreme, i.e. bullies are the most unattractive of all of these.
I guess it boils down to a matter of the dominace or power in question being given or taken. The first is attractive beyond measure. The second is repulsive.
I don't find a masculine dominance particularly attractive in a male or female. what I find most attractive is a man confident enough in himself to genuinely be himself, not trying to fit a stereotype.
i think this would be a better way to put it.
So. Confidence, but not dominance. Thank you, Rebekah.
One of the key problems men face when challenged to "be themselves", is that they only have a vague idea of what that means. Most fall back on Mother's Best Behavior, which is so very Not "themselves".
"I guess it boils down to a matter of the dominance or power in question being given or taken. The first is attractive beyond measure. The second is repulsive."
I agree with this statement. I also want to add that each person replying might have a different idea of what constitutes "masculine dominance," any or all of which could be completely different from your own definition. Perhaps it would be helpful if you described what you mean by "masculine dominance."
Good point panter about the clarification of terminology.
I left the definition open to interpretation, specifically to garner feminine input without attempting to bias or influence the answers, Panther. My only indulgence in that regard was to offer boorish as an option.
Please understand that some of the guys I council have such a hard time making decisions, they rarely change lanes. Hardly a recipe for personal success.
Among a few other things, I am a retired bodyguard, and the single father of four daughters. There is no room for bullies or abuse in my philosophy.
Thank you for your input, PrettyPanther.
Vix? Some of your quotes will no-doubt make the cover of the work-book. You are a gem.
To me, male dominance speaks of harshness and brutality - the same as it would for females. Definitely not attractive!
On the other hand, if we're talking about being submissive or dominant, then a man who is dominant is much more attractive than a submissive wimp. Being dominant, to me, means having a stronger personality, a stronger presence in the room, a force from within.
Physical strength or actions don't determine dominance - intentions mixed with respect and confidence do. It's possible to be dominant with a lack of respect and little to no confidence - to me, a poor combination.
It's the men who know they're dominant and know how and when to use it properly that makes them most attractive. The ones who don't are the ones you don't want to be involved with.
(Let's not confuse submissive with being shy or quiet, or a dominant person with abuse - they are all quite different and can be mixed or matched)
It has been my experience that confidence is the very cornerstone of dominance. Those who lack confidence, attempting to ape dominance, are best described as domineering. And they are a blight on humanity.
I assure you, genuine masculine dominance has Nothing to do with harshness, or brutality.
Thank you for your input, Rafini.
Yes, domineering is the word! Thank you....but isn't domineering the active form of dominance? It comes from the same root word, right?
I don't think confidence has anything to do with someone being domineering, unless you want to say it's a lack of confidence. No, confidence brings assertiveness, not domination. Do you really think Hitler was confident? I don't. I think he may have been over-confident, but certainly not a proper balance.
You may not think masculine dominance has anything to do with harshness or brutality, but you are a man, right? I think it's a little more difficult to be honest about the self in those respects because it's a generalization not something specific to yourself. That would be like me talking about Feminine Wiles - can I really be honest about how it's used and what effect it has on men? No, because each woman is different.
Dominance is derived from confidence, self-assuredness, and proven experience. Dominance is quiet, composed and clear. Dominance will only raise it's voice as necessary, and can back up every word it speaks.
Being domineering comes from the other end of the spectrum: It is derived from insecurity and fear. Fear that others will discover how weak you actually are. It is expressed with bluster and threat, like the neck-frills of a skinny lizard. Brandished in the hopes that you will appear bigger than you actually are. People unfamiliar with genuine Dominance can be fooled by the domineering type, but rarely for very long.
yes in a way male dominance is attractive, by that I mean I love my man to be the man of the house, not a wimp, and sure of himself. That's what makes a home feel secure. Now I don't mean, a man who is bossy, and a dictator, just one who takes his role in the family seriously, not just being a wimp, who just lets what should be his role be taken over by other family members.
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