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How to court outside of my cultural norms?

  1. mythbuster profile image84
    mythbusterposted 7 years ago

    Well, I've gone and done it. I'm interested in someone whose culture I have NO BUSINESS with lol.

    I cannot court her with poetry and certain things deemed to be "romantic" in my culture because of language barriers. There is almost no poetry in her culture... or if there is, I certainly can't read it or understand it! lol

    Now what?

    1. Arthur Fontes profile image87
      Arthur Fontesposted 7 years ago in reply to this



      I think if you take an interest in learning more about her culture, and her language, that could be seen as a very romantic venture?

    2. Maddie Ruud profile image78
      Maddie Ruudposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Learn her language.  It's the most romantic gesture of all, and even if things don't work out, you'll take away some useful knowledge.

    3. profile image0
      klarawieckposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Watch the movie BORAT. That will teach you what to do! lol

      mythbuster - just be yourself. She will love you!

      1. mythbuster profile image84
        mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        BORAT? Are you sure?

        I will watch it...give me a day or so, I'll let you know if I learn anything.

        1. profile image0
          klarawieckposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          lol Do let me know if you learn anything! lol

          It is my experience that when the cultures are very different, one of the two has to accomodate to the other one. This is very difficult when both have large families who are very much into their own culture. I tried it once and it didn't work out. He was very jealous and tried to change me. So, I ran out of the church leaving the little glass slipper on the third step. wink

          I have seen other couples that make it work. I wish you much luck and patience.

          Good night!

    4. prettydarkhorse profile image62
      prettydarkhorseposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      learn her culture, smiles

      Say I love you with sincerity in her language. It is exciting to learn about other culture, start with language like what they said here. Understanding what is acceptable behavior and that is also good, compromise. I don't know if Rosetta Stone has a Czech lang. buy it.
      There was once a British who courted me and the first thing he did was to learn my language, understand what I am and is sincere about it. Even though he speaks I love you in my language and it is funny, I can feel his sincerity.

      1. Greek One profile image77
        Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        did this British fellow ever get to kiss you, Pretty?

        1. prettydarkhorse profile image62
          prettydarkhorseposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          He got sick and died the year after, I could have been married to him.

          1. Greek One profile image77
            Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            i'm sorry to hear that sad

            1. prettydarkhorse profile image62
              prettydarkhorseposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              He was an English gentleman, he will always be a part of my beautiful past, sigh

              1. Greek One profile image77
                Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                but in the year you knew him, did you kiss him?

                1. prettydarkhorse profile image62
                  prettydarkhorseposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  I nearly said yes, I sent him to airport with a kiss on the lips, I was shy, (I guess he was already my bf then when I kissed him). I waited for him to come back, he was diagnosed with lung cancer, a smoker.

                  1. Greek One profile image77
                    Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                    ya see.. my good friend MythBuster can't wait that long.. he has needs... strong powerful needs!! smile

                    If the gentleman had been more forward and tried to kiss you ahead of time, do you think you would have let him, even though you were shy?

  2. mythbuster profile image84
    mythbusterposted 7 years ago

    Thank you, Mr. Fontes and and Maddie Ruud. I'm trying, I'm trying (to learn the foreign language) lol it's Czech!

    Might not get past friendship level here but I have learned, definitely, to say and pronounce "I'm sorry" lol

    My North American mouth and throat cannot even MAKE certain Czech sounds!

    WTHeck is "Cthu" combination of letters in the Czech language for? There's not even one bit of that sound supposed to be made inside the mouth lol

    Haaaaalp.

    Oh - despite the dramatics here - yes, I am trying to ask her about Czech culture. She was born near where I was but family kept very heavy homeland influence and culture - and ALL the language... so, working with a lot of differences here.

    1. profile image0
      Amie Warrenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      There a thousands of Czech poets, very good ones too. Find some that have been translated into English and read them to her in English, have her read them to you in Czech.

      My friend who learned Russian said "gutteral" means "mouth full of marbles".  Czech is a gutteral language.

      1. mythbuster profile image84
        mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Amie Warren, I did think of and try that - she really doesn't like poetry lol

        I am still shaking my head - but I am not about to argue with her lol

  3. Arthur Fontes profile image87
    Arthur Fontesposted 7 years ago

    Maybe this could help?



    http://www.locallingo.com/

    1. mythbuster profile image84
      mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Thank you Mr. Fontes.

      Yep, this page is going to come in handy.

  4. ediggity profile image60
    ediggityposted 7 years ago

    How about flowers, or make her something?  Isn't that the universal language for I like you?

    1. mythbuster profile image84
      mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Got it, ediggity... flowers goes in my arsenal of friendship and dating tools right freakin' NOW! Good call.

      1. kerryg profile image86
        kerrygposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Be careful though, different cultures have different flower meanings. For example, in Russia you're always supposed to bring flowers for the hostess when you visit somebody's house, but they warned us not to take yellow ones because those are associated with funerals. I don't know if there's anything similar in Czech culture, but it's probably worth doing a little research.

  5. lorlie6 profile image86
    lorlie6posted 7 years ago

    Speak with your eyes, MB, that's universal for sure!
    All the best!

    1. mythbuster profile image84
      mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Will do, lorlie6. Thanks for the tip... now, so long as the look on my face isn't all panicky and full of confusion lol

  6. profile image0
    china manposted 7 years ago

    Falling in love across cultures is the most exciting journey I have ever made.  The biggest help was the ability to immerse myself in her culture rather than trying to negotiate her problems in mine.  Difference is one of the most interesting additions to a relationship if you can genuinely change some of what you 'know' is right to what she 'knows' is right - and that is the most romantic gift you can give her.

    1. richtwf profile image60
      richtwfposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Yes absolutely agree with your sentiments - well said. And especially liked your last sentence. What's right in one culture might be considered wrong in another and it's very important that you're aware of each other's cultural values and standards, so that you can avoid potentially embarrassing social faux-pas.

      Another point to add is that with a more conservative culture, you have to be patient and willing to accept traditions even if you might consider them backward. You need to be willing to understand and accept the latter, and this will make any relationship more viable and more successful.

      1. mythbuster profile image84
        mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        k, so I will work on acceptance and patience...

        Thank you.

        1. richtwf profile image60
          richtwfposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          My pleasure.

    2. mythbuster profile image84
      mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Whoa whoa whoaaaaaaa china man lol I'm not sure we are supposed to fall in love...

      Well not exactly - or not right away. I'm still trying to build a relationship/friendship first. lol

      I do value your suggestions tho' and will try to focus on what you've said about differences... I already felt myself wanting to change her (closer to the cultural norms I am familiar with), so that was a bad sign for me - and a sign that I should ask for some tips or advice. I do very much like that she is different, so I need to examine my own "stuff" and reasons why I might want her to be more similar or fit in better with things I am comfortable around.

  7. mythbuster profile image84
    mythbusterposted 7 years ago

    Oh man - learn her language - get her flowers, take away some useful knowledge of her language if things don't work out, practice from Mr. Fontes language pages, make a lot of eye contact and speak with eyes, make some changes to her differences/culture, honour her differences, be willing to accept her as-is and be patient...

    Wow, that's a lot to remember lol

    1. profile image0
      china manposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Don't get overloaded - just be yourself big_smile  You will do ok as you seem to be a decent, upstanding, reasonable, well balanced, sensitive kind of guy - for a Yank big_smile

      1. mythbuster profile image84
        mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        lol @ yank

        lol @ guy

        Thanks china man

    2. richtwf profile image60
      richtwfposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Giving flowers is a lovely gesture but if you went to Sri Lanka and bought flowers for a Sri Lankan girl, they'd most probably laugh at you. Strange but true. They see flowers as a complete waste of precious money which could be spent on something else!

  8. tobey100 profile image59
    tobey100posted 7 years ago

    Tell her your Obama's nephew.  Doesn't everyone worldwide love the guy?  They've gotta love his nephew as well.

  9. Greek One profile image77
    Greek Oneposted 7 years ago

    My dear MythBuster, I had the pleasure during my single days of mating with women who possessed various religious beliefs, ethnic backgrounds, cultural perspectives (and sadly in hindsight, a few different species, I believe).

    Cultures differ, but what attracts women is consistent.  Provided that there is an initial physical chemistry between you, there are a few simple rules to remember that I will gladly impart to you at no cost (because I like you)...

    Step 1:  Never use the word 'court' in a public forum again.  We aren't in Kansas, and it isn't 1924.

    Step 2: Don't worry about having to relate to her culture.  You are not trying to become an ambassador to the Czech Republic.  You are looking to date her, not to establish a widget franchise in Prague.

    Step 3:  Get out of the mindset of having to 'woo' her, or be romantic.  If you were an ass and she was into you, you wouldn't have to 'be romantic'.  If you were the nicest guy in the world and she wasn't in to you, it wouldn't matter how 'romantic' you were.

    Step 4:  What attitude should you take in your interactions with her?  Simply display the qualities that would attract any woman.  Know your self worth and don't be shy to show it.  Be respectful but not a wuss.  Tease her, smile, and be straightforward and not ashamed of your intentions.  It doesn't matter if she is Czech or a from Mars (I've dated a few of those, by the way).. she is a woman and is therefore naturally attractive to the positive alpha males traits and behaviors of assertiveness, cockiness, sense of humor and most importantly, self confidence.

    PS.. When you end up meeting her hottest friend, say "The Greek One says 'hi'".  They will know what you mean smile

    1. profile image0
      Home Girlposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      First of all I am totally agree with Greek One on his Step 2!
      Second -  women love men being romantic! She is not from the Moon, she, I am sure, knows some English, some literature, she went to school, didn't she? Be around her family, understand her background - you don't need a lot of language for that. You'll need a lot of understanding, a vagon of patience, in most cases it does not last but in some - it does!  Deep down any culture, aren't we all looking for happiness? If you find it you have to take care of it, it is fragile!

      1. mythbuster profile image84
        mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Her English is thick with accent and no, she knows no literature - hates poetry, in fact.

        1. profile image0
          DoorMattnomoreposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          darn, that makes the poetry link I found you pointless.

          soooo, how did y'all meet if you dont speak the same language? not trying to be rude, just wondering...there must be some common ground in there to start from?

          1. mythbuster profile image84
            mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            I'll still appreciate the poetry link!

            Um met via GLBT friends and supports - big city I'm in.

            Waiting for Greek One to see light bulbs above his head lol

            1. profile image0
              DoorMattnomoreposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              my light bulbs exploded on the last comemnt.  big_smile 

              http://www.expats.cz/prague/article/cze … ch-poetry/

              if anyone knows where to find some czech love songs its Haunty.

    2. mythbuster profile image84
      mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I love this response lol All of it. Thx Greek One. I will mention you to her best friend... except her best friend is quite likely to be lesbian lol

      Still... she might know...

      smile

    3. Greek One profile image77
      Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      two additional points...

      Step 5:  Don't say "I love you" until she does.

      Step 6:  It is best not to take advice on how to pick up a woman from another woman, because they don't have years of experience on being the one who is being 'picked up'.

      1. mythbuster profile image84
        mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Will Step 6 differ if she is lesbian? lol

        1. Greek One profile image77
          Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          don't worry about the lesbians until you get yourself a vagina...

          now female bisexuals, well that a totally different thing!

          1. profile image0
            DoorMattnomoreposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            hahahahahahaaaa this looks extra funny now....sorry.

  10. Flightkeeper profile image72
    Flightkeeperposted 7 years ago

    Oh she's Czech, you made her sound like she's a Martian.  Give her a box of chocolates and a mixed tape of Czech love songs -- I'm sure they have those, otherwise how did Czech men and women ever get together?

    1. mythbuster profile image84
      mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Actually, I looked for Czech poetry and love songs and had trouble... I will get the chocolates, for sure.

      She hates poetry but I will keep looking for the songs, anyway.

      I know she's not a Martian lol but I feel like one. My strength is that I navigate the English language well - that's what I do, public speaking (which most people fear as much as death), poetry readings, writing, poetics, english tutoring... but none of that helps me in this case lol MythMartian here lol

  11. Greek One profile image77
    Greek Oneposted 7 years ago

    since you haven't hit on me yet MythBuster, I just assumed you are a man!

  12. mythbuster profile image84
    mythbusterposted 7 years ago

    *mwah* Greek One...

    1. Greek One profile image77
      Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      You are brave enough to date women despite the scorn and attitudes of so many, but the fact that her background is different than yours intimidates you??

      What do you usually do when you pick up women?

      Do whatever is successful in those situations... chances are, her vagina will be in the same place (although I could tell you stories)

      1. mythbuster profile image84
        mythbusterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Yep - it's a pretty homophobic area where I'm at - but I've learned to deal with that... it's the actual cultural and language barriers I am more worried about, Greek One...

        No public displays (except when the Pride Parade comes around again - or at GLBT events), but if I have language barriers in private...... whoa - that scares me - no float or trans-karaoke guy-girl to point to - no distractions... sheesh.

        Could be a disaster in private lol

        1. Greek One profile image77
          Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          some of my better relationship evolved because the women were not able to fully understand the stupid things I was saying... they just assumed that since I was so cute, what I was communicating was insightful and hilarious.

          Plus, it's hard to talk when you are making out

        2. profile image0
          DoorMattnomoreposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          I bet you will be fine. so, you like this girl. It can't be because she's stuck up and haughty and never listens? Doesnt understand people and never smiles? I bet she knows (or soon will) that you dont know the language. Will you be angry if she says something odd in English by accident? Or would you laugh, and maybe find it cute?

  13. Flightkeeper profile image72
    Flightkeeperposted 7 years ago

    Well, there's goes Step #6!

  14. mythbuster profile image84
    mythbusterposted 7 years ago

    Steps 1-5 still look reasonable and valid tho'!

    Thx Greek One! *mwah*

    lol

  15. Greek One profile image77
    Greek Oneposted 7 years ago

    I'm so glad that I am not the only woman mistaken for a man here!

  16. mythbuster profile image84
    mythbusterposted 7 years ago

    Thinking of changing my "bust-pic" profile pic to one of "Solon" and see if that makes me a more credible lesbian lmao. Doubt it tho' - wanted people to take my articles seriously when I first signed up... kinda fond of my old dead Greek dude profile pic now.

    1. Greek One profile image77
      Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I myself am partial to old Greek dead avatars

      1. profile image0
        klarawieckposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I also wanted to be taken seriously when I first joined HP, but then...  I ran into... the ancient Greeks. roll

        1. Greek One profile image77
          Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          when I was single, I used to take Miami girls all the time... seriously tongue

          1. profile image0
            klarawieckposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            take them where exactly? lol

            1. Greek One profile image77
              Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              their place, backs of cars, Denny's washrooms, underneath the stands of the American Airlines Arena, behind the bar at B.E.D., etc...

              1. profile image0
                klarawieckposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                Those are not Miami girls for sure! We are more hygienic than that! We prefer the laundrymat, the carwash, and of course... the beach! lol

                1. Greek One profile image77
                  Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  i refuse to get aroused on the beach....

                  it leaves a large vertical pipe shaped tan line on my face

                  1. profile image0
                    klarawieckposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                    Hahahaha... And what happens if you go in the water? I'm sure the tourists could mistake  you for a windsurf fin!

  17. mythbuster profile image84
    mythbusterposted 7 years ago

    Thanks for the suggestions, people...

    Going with the flowers ideas, smiles, learn language (she needs to help me here - desperately need help with this lol), Greek One's steps 1 to 5...

    thx

 
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