My cousin is getting out of a relationship with his girlfriend of a year and he's taking it pretty hard. He hadn't been with a woman in nearly 5 years due to some depression and health issues. This girl essentially got him back on the path to happiness. Now she's trying to break off the relationship. She has made a laundry list of things she would like him to change about himself. The list is impossible. It almost seems like she knows he can't accomplish all the things. She said in order to get back together he has to do these things. Should he attempt? Is she trying to make it impossible so he has no chance? What are your thoughts world?
Why would he want to be with a woman that doesn't like him the way he is? I think he should be thankful she's breaking it off and he shouldn't waste any more time on her!
I totally agree with lady love! She is obviously taking the power position. Once the power balance is unequal in a relationship, one individual is going to feel marginalized and angry/hurt, and the other is going to feel empty and guilty and/or inconvenienced/irritated. Your cousin deserves to be treated like a king by a lady who he treats like a queen. That is how all relationships should be.
Your cousin must determine whether remaining as he is means more to him than taking what seems to be his only chance of being allowed to stay in a relationship with his girlfriend. I refer to the second option as taking a chance because he has no guarantee that this woman would remain with him even if he does make the drastic changes that she is demanding. She simply could be playing a cruel game with his emotions.
Personally, I wouldn't change for anyone. I'd tell some domineering princess like that to take a hike. However, your cousin must decide for himself which course offers him the best opportunity for happiness. I wish him the best.
Oh that's sad. I say move on, if she doesn't like him just the way he is, then she is not the one for him.
If it took her a year to realize that there are things about him that she would like to see change, that's her fault, I'm sure she saw things well before now.
I'd say break it off with her, tell her that if she is not happy with him the way he is then it's best that they part ways, now, because it will happen sooner or later.
Sorry if this sounds to brutal. Or insensitive, I do not mean to be.
I don't think that sounds brutal, Diane. It's just the truth. He deserves to be respected and desired, as we all do!
it is sad, there really should never be a list of things to change. No one is perfect and people grow and change throught thier lives, hopefully each person will improve according to whatever THEY want to do. Not becuase its a conditon for soemone else to love them.
Its hard but he would be better off to find someone new, who understands him and accpets him the way he is.
Whether he breaks it off or she breaks it off is immaterial. The relationship is probably over and he is going hurt and need a lot of support. If he was not in a relationship for 5 years before this he is going have issues. To be fair I believe you also said his g/f actually helped him overcome some stuff so maybe he will move on. It is sad, but when you get involved with another person you risk getting hurt.
I am convinced that he must lose this girl. She does not love him if she wants to change him. At the root of love there is the acceptance. He will understand this only when he will be away from her.
In fairness to her, she may be tired of being his emotional support. Maybe that "laundry list" is about her wishing he'd look to her less for his own happiness. Either way, though, it sounds like they aren't right for each. Of course, I have no idea what's on that list, but it did occur to me that her "getting him on the road to happiness" might be a sign that he's been looking to her for more support than she can keep offering (or wants to or is able to).
The girl's "laundry list" convinces me to say, the relationship is not really for both to consummate. In love and true relationship, personal sacrifice of one for the other also has its limits and if they can't work it out on a mutual ground, the boyfriend must weigh the situation and leave to save them both from eternal misunderstandings and unhappiness.
There's a saying that women marry men hoping they'll change whereas men marry women hoping they'll stay exactly the same.
Obviously some change/growth on both sides is important.
There's many ways to look at your cousin's situation. Here are a few thoughts:
1. The girlfriend may legitimately want to stay with him but feels that after a year of helping him with his issues it's time to get more of her own needs met. Perhaps she felt he was too fragile before to approach him.
2. The cousin, being out of practice in relationships, may be oversensitive about what she's asking for.
3. If she really wanted to break up with him it would be a lot simpler to just do it. "Sorry, this isn't working for me anymore" is an acceptable out. Or "I need more space." Or "It's not you... it's me." There are many ways to cut a lover loose.
4. On the other hand, agreeing to her ultimatims is a bit like negotiating with terrorists. As soon as you give them what they ask for they up the ante.
I guess it depends on the true nature of her demands/requests.
no.. they've only been together for a year. much easier to move on rather than change for a woman handing out ultimatums. let's say he makes the changes and then another year passes and she makes a new list..? it may hurt for a while, but if he's truly on the road to happiness, I would make sure I stay true to myself. people don't give us our happiness, but may help us discover our own.
I can understand how it may be hard for your cousin to leave that situation. This woman (or girl) has been there to help him re-establish himself over the last year. You said that he has/had depression and health issues, which could make him see this girl as the reason he is better today, and not through the power of his own inner strength. He may feel that losing her will put him back to where he was.
This girl sounds like she either can no longer be in such an emotionally and mentally demanding relationship, or is just a plain old toxic girlfriend. Hopefully he can believe in himself enough to know that he is strong on his own, and is better to be alone and have loved and have an open future full of beautiful opportunities, than to feel trapped through self-infliction in a relationship where you cannot ever be yourself, having to know that the person you love does not love you for you.
I hope things work out
by bigmodo 9 days ago
How can i make my girlfriend fall crazy in love with me and never want to leave me?How can i make my girlfriend fall crazy in love with me and never want to leave me? I lost my girlfriend some few months ago to another guy, it happened like magic. Though it was my fault in some way, but now i got...
by Sturgeonl 13 years ago
What are the secrets of a great relationship?
by Kordell Snowe 9 years ago
Is it normal for close family and friends to withhold information as a means of control.Etiquette Q: This is something that has bothered me since childhood with my mother and now with my girlfriend. I believe they purposely withhold information as a means of controlling a situation which I...
by kmj217 11 years ago
I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now and would do anything for her...she honestly is the one i think i want to spend the rest of my life with but recently my dad had drug addiction problems my mom works and goes to school and my sisters boyfriend hits her plus i go to school and...
by Nima S 15 years ago
I just broke up with a girl, because she did not call me back. And when she hangs out with this certain group of friends she never picks up her phone. And I dont here from here until the next day. Now one of her friends has a fiance and a boyfriend on the side. Do you think im exaggerating ? Or did...
by Money Fairy 12 years ago
Do you know of any truly happy relationships?I mean relationships that aren't family related like:(mother/daughter, father/son etc...) but rather boyfriend/girlfriend or boyfriend/boyfriend or girlfriend /girlfriend. Are there any monogamous, happy, loving, joyfilled relationships?
Copyright © 2025 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2025 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |