Marriage: Here's a weird one for ya!

1. 73

   tritrainposted 14 years ago

   My ex-wife and I haven't talked in almost 8 years, but recently reconnected.
   
   I think we both made a mistake in splitting up.  We really were good together.  *We still needed to evolve as individuals, I think.
   
   Well, to throw a wrench into all this, she had married someone else along the way, but has been having second thoughts (before I came back into the picture). 
   
   Lo and behold, I come back into the picture.  Wow.

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2. 69

   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   Sounds like a situation I have been in. However, me being me, I can only say I've been there, done that.
   
   Edit: Sorry, never been married, but same situation with girlfriends.

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3. 68

   Diane Insideposted 14 years ago

   Let's see she wasn't happy with you, now she's not happy with this husband.
   
   hmmmmm.
   
   My guess is if it were to happen and you two get back together, after a while she won't be happy with you again.
   
   But it's just a guess.

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4. 61

   Rajab Nsubugaposted 14 years ago

   Lo and behold! She is a no go area for you! She has now has a reference whenever you do bad! More often than ever you are now going to have break points simply because it is now registered in your minds that you can happily live without the other. You better live the "wow" part as it lasts!

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5. 65

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   Being "good together" is one thing.  Being "right together" and being "perfect for each other" are completely other things.  When people are "right together" or "perfect for each other" they don't split up in the first place.  Sometimes people who are "good together" make better friends than spouses.
   
   Apparently, your ex-wife was "good together" with her present husband for awhile too.  It seems like she's someone who marries people because she thinks "good together" is grounds for getting married.
   
   One thought is this:  Why did she even allow you to be "back in the picture" in the first place, and why did you even get back in that picture when you know she's married?  ("Back in the picture" usually means that people have gone beyond just sending one another a Christmas card and being cordial when they run into one another a the mall.)
   
   Your ex-wife either made a mistake marrying you or made a mistake divorcing you.  So, she either made the mistake of twice marrying someone who isn't right, or else she made the mistake of divorcing someone who was right for her and, on top of that, marrying someone else.  She seems to have a mistake pattern going there, one way or another.  Again, though, maybe it's just my thinking.       Maybe I'm just to quick to call more than one giant mistake "a pattern".   
   
   I'm not looking for any answers to the questions here.  I just think they're questions you ought to be asking yourself.  What I've noticed (after being married and divorced and knowing other people who have, as well) is that when a relationship seems like the foundation of it is 75% good and 25% percent bad, that doesn't mean it's "mostly good and only a little wrong".  It means it's 100% wrong, and it's only a matter of time before those cracks in the foundation lead to major crumbling.  You didn't fix those cracks in the foundation before, and it's unlikely (I'm guessing) time did anything but let them be covered up or forgotten.  Maybe that's just my thinking.  I just know that my ex-husband and I make amazing friends and not-so-amazing spouses for one another.

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6. 73

   tritrainposted 14 years ago

   All good responses and thank you for giving me food for thought.
   
   Our reasons for divorce mostly had to do with a difference in what we wanted in the future, some jealousy, and a negative and huge influence from her parents.
   
   My hope and belief is that we have both grown beyond those things. Also, it turns out that our "future" turned out to be identical anyway.  We have both gone down much the same path, yet have not been present in one another's lives, which is pretty amazing.
   
   The mistake was that we divorced.  We both admit that.

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   1. 0

      Home Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Well,  people do mistakes. Then they become older and wiser (not aways though). They understand themselves better.
      Anyway, I am happy for you. Let it lasts!

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      1. 61

         soneblomposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I know of couples who remarried after being divorced for years, and they are happy now,  There is always hope! Talk, talk, and talk sit down and talk so you two can create a better foundation. Prayer is vital, with God on your side you can be sure to make it work. Everything of the best!

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7. 61

   Stimpposted 14 years ago

   WEEELLLLL....I'm coming from the "second spouse" standpoint.  I married someone who told me during our marriage that while he was married to her, he'd look at her and think "I don't even like you, let alone love you."  LOW AND BEHOLD......their new found "LOVE" was the demise of our marriage.  Can you really put sour milk back in the frig for 10 years and suddenly it's fresh?  I doubt it.  Sorry, to be so negative but I sincerely doubt they are any happier than previously.....but whatever.  I found it to be a huge waste of 7 years of my life with this man AND that is what hurt.  Keep in mind that there are others involved and alot of hurt to be had by others.  She and he are now remarried.  Good for them.
   
   She wore WHITE during their wedding....she broke up her marriage and he broke up ours for one another.
   
   But I'm not bitter....so that's the important thing

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8. 67

   b. Malinposted 14 years ago

   I'd say take it slow...you're both more mature than you were eight years ago...are there children involved...and did she original leave you for him?  I'm on my second marriage, of 22 years...we've had our moments...but we are happy...some people just like the thrill of being "the other one"  Are the inlaws still alive? 
   I dated for three years...really dated, before I married again...I assume you have...but she just seems to go from one marriage to the next.  DATE FOR AWHILE...GET TO KNOW THE MATURE HER.

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