One and a half years later...but still!!!

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  1. afrykanqwin profile image80
    afrykanqwinposted 9 years ago

    ...It has been one and a half years later and i still feel like a part of me died when i found out my boyfriend had decided to move on immediately after i had told him we needed time apart since things had began going down hill and we dint communicate much anymore. I needed time to think, but while we were in that period i found out he was talking to someone else...who he denied up to recently when i needed clarity on whether that was his girlfriend or not. He still does not say yes or no, he just dodges the question. I feel like he doesnt want to lose her and he also does not want me to move on completely!
    Was i selfish in wanting time to think? I was not moving on to be with someone else...i just needed space, we needed space, we were becoming strangers as days went by and i thought it was wise to take time and breath! He says i dumped him and so he was free to do what he wanted. I felt so betrayed i became so angry and i felt i was so unimportant...and since he never told me the truth using his own words i felt like my life was put on hold. He kept telling me to stop assuming and over thinking stuff??? He blows off questions and still insists that we should be "best friends"
    I had to overlook other relationships because i felt like if i got into another relationship i would be thinking about my ex and feeling like i could not love another as much.
    I read that people confuse that feeling of loneliness and fear of being alone with "love". when we breakup...we tend to say "but i love him so much its so hard to move on." that fear of loneliness??
    I am so confused coz its been so long and this is on resurfacing right now since i had gotten over it for a while in 2010....but suddenly it just came back like a flood...
    I just need to hear people's point of view on this so it can help me view things from a different light...

    1. speedbird profile image72
      speedbirdposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      If he is seeing someone else why are you bothering him?  it might be because you still have feelings for him. But you need to get over him and start  'thriving'.  If you we meant to be together, he will come .But for now, you need to start 'living well'

  2. profile image0
    kikkibabeposted 9 years ago

    It's horrible when some one you love so much moves on so quick with moving on with someone else. it makes you wonder if they ever did love you at all?? I'm sorry that you feel so hurt and angry i so know how you feel. makes me wonder if my ex done the same because she was scared of being lonely too.x

    1. Stump Parrish profile image61
      Stump Parrishposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      As long as you give another the power to make you happy or miserable, you will be at the mercy of the person you chose to be with. If you felt athere was a reason to take abreak and evaluate your relationship. there was  probably a good reason for the break. If the person youthought might be the one took advantage of the situation to sleep with another, you probably wern't as important to them as you thought you were. I dont know you and have no reason make an assumption but I am a male and therefore am pretty sure that I know everything.

      With that thought in mind I will say that if youtruly desire to be happy you should really consider giving me a personal phone call.  I promise to tell you that no one other than you has the ability or theinsentive to make you happy. When you finally master the dificult art of liking you, no one else will be able to resist you. The key to making another happy is being able to accept happiness yourself.

      1. Stump Parrish profile image61
        Stump Parrishposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        The secret in my opinion is finding someone who can not only accept the good things about you but can embrace the things you feel no one could understand. A successful realationship requires finding a way of making the differences the thing that you respect most about your mate.

        Hypothectical situation, You and I enter into a relationship, learning about your culture and discovering what your dreams are and experiencing your excitement as they are fullfilled would be an experience that would beg for a screen play or book.

        Do you honestly believe that no one else deserves the attention and affection that you showered your latest choice for a mate that couldn't wait for the chance to fool around?

        Not being in a position to enter into a relationship has allowed me to more clearly understand the dynamics of relationships. Most women settle for about 1/2 the man they deserve. Most men realize most women will do so and use this as a weapon.

        If you are truly honest with yourself you will realize you dont need a man to be happy. Once you accept this belief, you will find that more men becoming interested. Very few men can resist the effort required to win a prize they know they dont deserve. Most women try to convince themselves that they cant live with out the first asshole that shows some interest, in my opinion.

        Bottom line is that if he went else where after a short break, you were nothing more than a distraction. If you have a history of this happening to you, you are telegraphing the fact that you can be used. I recomend you spend some tme with an older man and discover what it eans to be appreciated. This will make it easier to spot the truth in the sea of crap youwil be flooded with thru out your life.

        Peace and best of luck in your future selections for a mate.

        1. afrykanqwin profile image80
          afrykanqwinposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          soooooo wise!!!!!! thank you!!!
          my esteem did hit the floor but am glad slowly but surely i get stronger day by day!!!...


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