Is it wrong to share your SO's health news?

Jump to Last Post 1-3 of 3 discussions (10 posts)
  1. Mighty Mom profile image85
    Mighty Momposted 7 years ago

    She gets blood test results witha note from doctor that's distressing.
    The outlook is far from fatal, but significant.
    She asks him not to tell anyone until she sees the doctor about a treatment plan.
    She is a private person who likes to keep things just between them.
    He is the kind of person who processes information by sharing it. He has also been carrying the stress of knowing "something" is wrong with her for a long time. She has been really sick and not functioning.  He is actually relieved it's not worse.
    He is busting at the seams to tell someone close (and trustworthy) about the test results.
    But he honors her request.
    She sees the doctor.
    He assumes the gag order is now lifted.
    He tells a close friend, knowing that the friend's wife has had health issues and perhaps can empathize with his SO (the two couples are very close).
    When he tells SO that he told his friend, she flips out.
    She screams, "I told you not to tell ANYONE!!!"

    Did he violate a trust?
    Was it wrong to tell his friend about SO's condition?
    Does she have the right to restrict him from sharing information that impacts both of them as a couple?

    What would YOU do in this situation???

    1. Michael Willis profile image76
      Michael Willisposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I would respect the other person's request.

      1. Mighty Mom profile image85
        Mighty Momposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks, Michael Willis.
        Good answer!

    2. dutchman1951 profile image61
      dutchman1951posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      if it is truly his "so" then why would he not respect her request, and support her.

      Sometimes your better half confides in you for suport and encouragement from you directly. If the person being told has to talk it out, why does he not talk it out with his "significant other" keep it between the two of them in private as she requested??????

      see sometimes it is not about you...its about the other person. You seeking attention for Her condition to get your friend to pay attention to your stress instead of Her's! Its not about that for Her;  Its about her wanting you next to her in support at this time- NOT YOU...HER

      think it out first, and talk to Her in private, support her. Do not use her to get support for yourself.  Your a couple- a team, you are not in a contest with her for attention from friends outside of your relationship. Be very carefull and think it out next time before you jump off.

    3. Cagsil profile image80
      Cagsilposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Mighty Mom,

      The only thing I noticed from your explanation of the situation is that the timing of him telling someone else.

      She said that she wanted to see the doctor. I don't know, if this person decided to make a phone call in the doctors office, while she was in visiting with the doctor, so he could release the weight of knowing or not.

      Secondly, she only said that he was to wait until she saw the doctor and not about waiting till after, to find out what the results were from that visit. I know, semantics.

      She shouldn't be too angry, simply because she wasn't specific enough on when he could tell others. But, also, he could have waited a little while longer, as a just in case scenario. tongue

      Edit: Love and Compassion is a two-way street. tongue smile

    4. healinghands1668 profile image73
      healinghands1668posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Allow me to consider this from a more clinical perspective.

      I work in the field of health care. I am a therapist, not a doctor, but I am still bound by HIPPAA and have to abide by client confidentiality rules. I don't share client information with anyone without their express written permission. Not even their SO. It is a violation of privacy, and one that could land me in legal trouble. Before I got my certification, I worked in records management at a doctor's office. Every patient had to sign a release if they wanted their SO's to be privy to their information.

      Simply because of my profession, I am inclined to think that the patient should ALWAYS have the final say on who knows their health information. Although I might say something like, "I had a client who had suchandsuch problem," if I were exchanging advice with another therapist, but I would never permit that other therapist to read my notes from that session or view my client's information.

      In the situation described above, a certain amount of misunderstanding was involved, and I do not think the woman should feel that what happened was a blatant betrayal of trust. That said, SO ought to have asked permission before sharing her information.

  2. mistyhorizon2003 profile image92
    mistyhorizon2003posted 7 years ago

    A real tricky one MM, perhaps he should have told her first that he felt a need to confide in a third party and why he felt this way. Perhaps then she could have explained further why she didn't want this, or perhaps he could have made her understand why he really needed to have this outside input and support.

    PS. I hope you are not the 'ill' female in this scenario, as I would very worried if you were .

  3. Mighty Mom profile image85
    Mighty Momposted 7 years ago

    Thanks, all, for your very wise counsel.
    I am heartened that the male hubbers seem to be very pro-relationship. That's so cool!
    Cags -- yes, the semantics play a big role in this scenario.
    He is sure she said not to tell anyone until after the doctor visit. She says she said don't tell anyone period.

    There is a fine line involved, I think. I myself have recently been chided by a friend. I have been out of communication with her for awhile and finally told her that I didn't feel I had anything worthwhile to bring to the friendship because I've got a lot of carp on my plate and I feel I wouldn't be very good company. She reminded me that friendship is not just about sharing good times. It's about being there for each other when the carp hit the fan. That gave me pause.

    So that is a big part of why I posted this query. It's kind of an amalgem of different snippets of storyline (some mine, some friends', some a relative's...)

    Not to worry, misty gal! I am NOT the ill female in this scenario. Believe me, if I got bad news from the doctor, my hubber friends would be the first to know!!!

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image92
      mistyhorizon2003posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I am so relieved to hear the sick person is not you MM. Thanks for putting my mind at ease smile

      1. Mighty Mom profile image85
        Mighty Momposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Well, we all know I'm "sick" but that's nothing new lol
        Hope you are well, too, my lovely British friend!


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)