where have all the real men gone?

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  1. Tara McNair profile image61
    Tara McNairposted 11 years ago

    why are my generation of men (I'm 26) so content to never grow up and be a man??? why are they so content to stay at home with their mommas? why is there no chivalry anymore? just wondering what people opinions are on this. go personal if you want but i would kinda like to know a psychological or sociological point on this.

    1. peeples profile image92
      peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      My personal opinion on this one is to thank the extreme femenist for this. I mean so many don't want a door held open for them, don't want children, don't want to be married, don't want to be part of the traditional family. When it comes down to it men have less to look forward to. That isn't an excuse to live home with mommy until they are 40 but it does make a little more sense. People crave other people in their lives. Sometimes it's a boyfriend, girlfriend, or parents.

    2. Laurinzo Scott profile image64
      Laurinzo Scottposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Well from a male perspective... I must say that yes,  some men are pigs!
      However, some women allow it. You are young and it must certainly be some chilvalrious young men out there. The key thing is not to settle for less. Know too that you will not find them in the club . Starting frequenting the places where real gentle men and ladies go.

    3. CyclingFitness profile image89
      CyclingFitnessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Society has changed!

      Many of the men that were 'pigs' of old settled down and still cheated on their partners and treated them badly but had an obligation due to society to stay together

      Financial situations have forced more people to live at home prior to being able to afford their own home- times are tough!

      Over time the definitions of a relationship have become more blurred and open.
      I personally come from a family who have always told me that I don't need to settle down in the way they had to and that I don't need a relationship to define who I am and only enhance that. Maybe that is why i'm pretty demanding in my expectations of a partner.

      Italian Men traditionally have lived at home with their Momma's up until marriage. (or so an Italian fried tells me) and that has been the norm there for many years.

      1. JKenny profile image90
        JKennyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Yep definitely with you on the financial aspect. I'm 26 and still live at home, and its all down to finances. Though recently I've started a wonderful new career and met the love of my life, so hopefully my days of living at home will be numbered.

    4. nightwork4 profile image61
      nightwork4posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      one of the problems with the ",en " these days is the media. they are led to believe that looks and money are everything. treating a woman like she should be treated is ok but being wealthy and smelling nice is more important. the other thing is that "working hard" is now a bad word. it's almost an insult if your son says he wants to grow up to be a construction worker so "men " are getting to be soft. i've held doors for women and been insulted by them but i still do it. i've seen guys call women hoes and bitches and then watched women drool over the guy. like i said, just look at the media and you will see where the main source of the problem comes from.

      1. nightwork4 profile image61
        nightwork4posted 11 years agoin reply to this


    5. rebekahELLE profile image85
      rebekahELLEposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think your observation is necessarily true. There are good young men out there, and some of them live at home for various reasons. It's a different world than that of older generations. I'm sure some of the young men wonder the same about the opposite sex. smile

    6. Cagsil profile image70
      Cagsilposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      A bad perception.

      Aside from the bad perception, you have brought to the forefront of my mind....

      What exactly is a "real" man? lol lol

      1. sen.sush23 profile image61
        sen.sush23posted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Relevant query...I would also like to know...smile

        1. Cagsil profile image70
          Cagsilposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Yeah, me too. Which is why I thought I would ask. lol

    7. JustMike profile image66
      JustMikeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Wow interesting topic. Well, for a few reasons actually look at the economy. It negatively effected men look at the jobs that went away. Construction and manufacturing typically male proffessions. Then look at the jobs that boomed medical careers and teaching typically female careers. Now look at education and graduation rates. From high school graduation rates, larger for girls than boys. College acceptance rates larger for girls than boys, College graduation rates larger for girls than boys. So those guys out there are on a whole different level than they typical girl his age. Not to mention typically in the old days say twenty years ago you would date girls or guys in college and maybe half your class woud marry a guy or girl from high school. Nowadays with driving rules you can't even go out on a proper date with a girl in a car util you are 18 years old or so. Dating now in high school consists of text messaging. How many parents tell their daughters it's okay to date a boy in high school but you meet your husband in college. Just some thoughts.

  2. paradigmsearch profile image59
    paradigmsearchposted 11 years ago

    Not being of your generation, I really couldn't say.

    However, maybe this is what you can do:

    1. Determine where you think your definition of real men hangout.

    2. Go there.


  3. knolyourself profile image60
    knolyourselfposted 11 years ago

    The kids tend to stay home if they cannot find a decent job to be on their own. Used to be men could do things like repair cars and anything else. Technology has frozen them out of the persona of somebody who could do something.

  4. Stacie L profile image89
    Stacie Lposted 11 years ago

    Older men.above 50,are real...at least from my perspective.
    Young guys are a product of the reality generation that thinks anyhting goes. Young women need to be more discriminating and hold men accountable for their behavior.

    And my generation are partly to blame for babying kids way too long.Kick them out of the house and allow them to grow up!

    1. Druid Dude profile image59
      Druid Dudeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      In this society, we have been encouraged to hold onto our youth as long as possible. It is said that thirty is the new twenty, which actually means that entrance to adulthood from adolescence is being delayed...like I said 'encouraged'. Our priorities seem to be on 'toys', evidenced even in popular sayings of the modern age.'He who dies with the most toys, wins!' We go to great lengths to maintain the illusion of youth, from botox to plastic surgery, and men aren't the only ones. We style aspects of our lives to try to sidestep responsibility, to try to prolong how much 'fun' we're having. On the man side of things, there is still the 'King of the Castle' thing which our fathers, grandfathers and greatgrandfathers wanted to maintain the male dominated control, a childish mindset. It exists across this society.

  5. profile image0
    Kathryn LJposted 11 years ago

    It's really tough for guys these days.  They have to be tough, yet sensitive, dependable, yet interesting. There are no really acceptable role models or tough guy occupations any more and the male role is to say the least confusing. No wonder they want to live with their Moms.  But before you start thinking that I'm a fair minded girl, I would just like to point out that the guys (and they're all over 40,) I know are all big kids, who like to bunk off on the slightest pretext and obsess with 'bloke stuff'. As someone enduring the European Championship football flooding the European terrestrial TV, - need I say more?

  6. Tara McNair profile image61
    Tara McNairposted 11 years ago

    love all these reply guys!!! sorry haven't been on for a moment got a lil busy. i can see this falls on BOTH sexes. like a few said the lines ahve become really blurred for what is considered a "relationship" these days with the "anything goes" type of attitude being one of the favorite things of my generation. the blame can be placed everywhere and nowhere at the same damn time lol (srry my generations overuse of "rap lyrics" just came out)

  7. Anti-Valentine profile image74
    Anti-Valentineposted 11 years ago

    The economic and financials woes the world has been facing for the past several years is partly responsible. I also agree with the opinion regarding feminism.

    At the risk of sounding bitter (especially due to my username), probably for financial reasons, the women around today aren't interested in hanging around with a guy in his 20's who can't get a job, and therefore doesn't likely earn money (at least not legally), doesn't own a car, and can't go anywhere or do anything. That's where the older men from previous generations come in. I see this all the time - young girls with old men; sugar daddies, as they call them. First off you think it might be their father, until you see them engage in a bit of public affection. smile

    There's financial stability; security.

    And even if they did bother with younger guys; chivalry? There's little to no reward in it, unfortunately. Because women are instinctively drawn to the bad boys, it would seem, because they possess the qualities that attract women, especially younger ones. Kind, polite men usually just end up being used and abused. I think you could say this happens to kind and polite people, not just men. Women, too - this comes back to comments about women being treated like dirt and yet sticking it out. But that could be regarded as a whole different discussion.

    So I think at some point the younger guys stop bothering, as far as women, getting a job, and getting on with life goes.

  8. JKenny profile image90
    JKennyposted 11 years ago

    Hmmm...just read about the comment about Italian men living at home until they are married. Perhaps the problem lies with our culture of individualism- the idea of having to strike out on our own. In eastern cultures, particularly India, its not uncommon to have several generations living under one roof. Perhaps the idea of having to forge out an individual and often isolated existence is a put off for a lot of men today.

  9. sen.sush23 profile image61
    sen.sush23posted 11 years ago

    I am not in my 20's, but I have nothing to complain against the men in their 20's, in fact much to commend. They are less hypocritical, less chauvinistic- for to me chauvinism is really not a good word. Maybe due to the feminist movements two-three decades back, these 20 so young men have grown up with mommies that know how to take care of themselves, without waiting for help from men. While I agree with most of what the men have commented in this forum, I would also suggest Tara to look for a solution in that outmoded, cliched story of Pygmalion by Bernard Shaw. When men have efficient, self-sufficient, modern and intelligent women at home to compare to, they cannot move out to any girl who can neither compare up to those standards nor is ready to break out of the paradigm of a male superior.

  10. michememe profile image61
    michememeposted 11 years ago

    Sometimes men are fearful. They fear growing up like some women do. Their Mother's home, is a safe haven for them. Oddly enough, I noticed younger men, do chivarly things. Open doors, help with bags, and give out compliments. I always inform my son, opening a door is one of the kindest gestures you can give to a woman. Although I have no concrete answer, it would be good to do a poll on this.

  11. Pearldiver profile image67
    Pearldiverposted 11 years ago

    I've been a 'Real Man' all my life! smile
    I've always understood and loved women.. but then I'm a Scorpio! tongue

    I believe... That across all generations, some guys just don't stack up and at their best could only be regarded as '2 minute terriers' from what I've seen and discussed with a lot of women, throughout the world! smile

    I believe that women have always suffered from a lack of 'real men' - most guys haven't a clue how to treat a woman well, merely because they don't take the time or care, to learn, listen, understand or commit to her unconditionally. Most guys are more focused on their own often hollow, needs and as a result, completely lose the opportunity to become a 'real man!' big_smile

    But... Why do women settle for 2nd best.. or one who needs to make excuses? sad
    Hmmmmm... maybe a 'Real Man Academy' needs to be foundered! smile

    1. Tara McNair profile image61
      Tara McNairposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      im a scorpio too so i tend to understand without knowing why im usually right about the "type" of person some1 is going to be before i even know them... and yes totally agree on the real men academy!!

    2. profile image53
      guymailingposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Guess what, there is a Real Man Academy! And where else but....India...the place that gave the world the Kamasutra. smile Google 'Real Man Academy' for details of the academy.

  12. Dame Scribe profile image58
    Dame Scribeposted 11 years ago

    I find that funny smile 'most men are content to never grow up'. My sons are in their early 20's and find gals in their age range, too silly and shallow tongue they always go 'doe eyed' around the older ones, your age lol they can do a few things and setting their lives towards science careers. They have no problems with gals other than using a stick to keep them at arms length lol but I think we, men and women, should be allowed to express our 'silly' sides. Make life easier to handle rather than stressful.

  13. Pearldiver profile image67
    Pearldiverposted 11 years ago

    Cheers DS... Yes Of Course... smile

    And Yes.....

    Those sticks (or clubs) certainly are very important! smile


    See what I meant about 2 minute terriers.. smile

  14. Robert Erich profile image73
    Robert Erichposted 11 years ago

    I've been meaning to write an article on this for a while (and I'm 24). There are many aspects, but I've realized the biggest one is this:


    Too many people, guys and ladies, expect to sit at home, do nothing productive with their lives, and attract Mr/Miss Perfect. That doesn't work. You will end up getting someone similar to you.

    Want an athletic guy? You best be hitting the gym!
    Want a guy who cares about people? How often do you volunteer at the food bank?
    Want a man who loves God and treats others with value? You best be going to church!

    What society has taught our generation is to expect more than we deserve. You and I have been raised to not have to work before we're 30 - we can live off of our parents for ages. We also spend so much time watching movies and TV that we believe even Average Joe can end up with perfect 10. This is not the case.

    I am sure that if you started becoming the woman who is the counterpart to the man that you want to attract, and then realized that no one was perfect, you would find an amazing man who would make you very happy (but never be without challenges as nobody is perfect).

    1. Tara McNair profile image61
      Tara McNairposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      this is so simple lol. i dont expect to find perfect if i did i would die alone with  30 cats. haha but what about thing like "gold-diggers" they atttract the opposite... or is that even attraction just opportunity ?... hmmm i think this subject never really has any "right" answer

  15. Tara McNair profile image61
    Tara McNairposted 11 years ago

    Robert you make allot of sense and its so damn simple!!

  16. passthejelly profile image70
    passthejellyposted 11 years ago

    Well as far as the Chivalry part goes, Men aren't Chivalrous anymore because there is not very much demand for it.  With the women rights movement men can receive a lot of backlash for doing things like opening doors for women and so forth.  As for as not becoming a man, there are many "men" with in your age group.  You should be asking why the men you are hanging around like this and search in different places.  Plenty of good men out there.

    1. profile image0
      Kathryn LJposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The women's movement?  So it's women's fault that men behave badly?  Perhaps it's their mothers complete incompetency.   Or the amount of female teachers in kindergarten.  I agree that  it is difficult for men to assume an old fashioned 'manly' roles, since most of the inherently masculine working roles are now obsolete.  But since when did being an oaf become mandatory?  Shouldn't everybody open doors for each other, regardless of gender?  Shouldn't we all be chivalrous?  Place would be a lot nicer for everyone, don't you think?

  17. sweetaboutme profile image60
    sweetaboutmeposted 11 years ago

    I've got a few thoughts on this topic, actually:
    1.) Mom's baby their sons WAY too much. These days boys are with their mothers way too much. They should be outside playing and working on things with their fathers. You see far too many single mom's babying their sons and drilling it into their brains that we girls, are not good enough for them. Where as back in the day it was the other way around, they had to work to impress us. Which brings me to...
    2.) Alot of us girls give it up to easily and so a boy has no reason to move out and become a man. They can get everything for nothing. You probably don't want to admit it but we alot of us have made it too easy for men to sit on their butts all day and do nothing. We all know men are simple creatures, so why would they work for something they're getting for free? They get the sexual attention from the many women at the bars and then they're taken care of and cooked for by their mommies.
    Sad for us ladies, really. Maybe if you move to a city where there are more men than women you'd find what you're looking for. Maybe.

    1. Pearldiver profile image67
      Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Good Answer... but hey... some of those that sit on their faces really do have to work very hard for that free stuff!!  big_smile


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