Marriage: War or Serenity?

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   Esenbeeposted 12 years ago

   
   I am an unmarried woman and marriage is on my to do list for the future.  I often hear of different reactions amongst people about the union between marriage. Many people say that it is difficult while others say that they are having the time of their lives with their partners. Many of my friends are still unmarried and the few that are married don't quite talk about how they feel about their relationship.
   
   That being said, I would like to know if marriage is as difficult as it seems? Is it an everyday battle of the sexes or is it peaceful and serene?

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   knolyourselfposted 12 years ago

   Never been married but have, until recently, always lived with a woman. Almost always serenity.

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      Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Do you think that the serenity could change if you get married?

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         Pearldiverposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Probably Not a good idea..... I think he's referring to his mother!

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            Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            lol...I don't think he is. There are some people who do have serene relationships. Do you think that Marriage is that bad?

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   Pearldiverposted 12 years ago

   Marriage is a relationship that you have when you want to commit to another, more than you feel you can in a relationship that has a lesser degree of commitment.  It varies for all of us.. but ultimately, it gives us all the opportunity to really share our souls with a partner and to understand what it is to have someone believe in you enough, to want to share their soul with you!
   
   Sorry if this is not the style of answer that you require, but it an example of what can be achieved when you explore the depths of love, rather than wade in the shallows of infatuation..  Bon Chance

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      TamCorposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I like this.
      
      The hardest part of marriage is finding the perfect one to be in it with you.  It takes patience, but when you find them, you know it pretty quickly. Both of you have to be ready to put each other first--before family, before friends--and to treat each other better than you've ever treated anyone in your life. 
      
      Just because you're legally tied in a marriage, doesn't mean you can quit worrying about your spouses' feelings or needs.  If you each do whatever you can to please each other BEFORE you're married, then be sure to continue it afterwards, too.  Let pride go, let petty annoyances slide off of you, think before you say hurtful things in anger.  Treat your partner how YOU want to be treated--it's pretty much that simple.
      
      My husband and I have talked about this many times through our almost 24 years together.  Ours is a serene and wonderfully happy relationship, and it gets better and more satisfying as the years go by...

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         Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Wow! I agree! I love this answer...it gives me so much hope in finding someone to marry. Thank you and congrats on being married for 24 years. I wish you many more serene years to come!

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      Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      @Pearldiver, your answer is fine and I think it' was beautifully said.  Thanks for answering and I totally agree with your answer.

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   Aunt Mollieposted 12 years ago

   Most people, worldwide, marry – at least once.  It is the primary life relationship.  But, you will not have a marriage like your friends, because you are unique and the one you marry will be unique and the marriage you create will be unique in all the world.
   
   Marriage shouldn't be work.  Marriage is what you come home to after work. 
   
   More than anything, your marriage will be what you and your spouse want it to be.
   
   love,
   Aunt Mollie

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      Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your answer Aunt Mollie... I love it.

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   sadie423posted 12 years ago

   I have read many articles about how hard marriage is, and how much work, and I have never understood it. I don't think it is hard at all. Do we get along every single second of every day? No. But that is true with any relationship. We hardly ever argue and I can't think of a single time in our relationship (16 yrs) that we have fought- as in a yelling, really angry type fight. We disagree we, we talk, we compromise and move on.
   
   And I think that it is because we are truly meant to be together. If it is hard all the time. If it is something you consider work, then something might be wrong. And you should look at how to fix that.

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      Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your answer! I agree with you also!

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   SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years ago

   serenity...however, life is not a bowl of cherries...so the strength of the relationship must overcome whatever life throws down in front of you...together
   
   i think some folks like myself, don't necessarily talk about their most intimate and private relationship with others...rather, they discuss it with each other - it's none of anyone's business really.
   
   i don't recall getting married (or being in a relationship) being on my bucket list or any list...ha ha ha...it just happened - i didn't see it coming!...and it took years really to develop a very strong bond, strong relationship, strong friendship...you build and build and build...together
   
   if you are not best friends in a relationship, i don't really understand why folks stay together or get married
   
   you go girl!  i hope one day you find someone special
   
   NB - if your parents had a crappy relationship, do not repeat any of their bad behaviours - identify them, acknowledge them and be aware and make every effort to not repeat the behaviour...same goes for the good relationships - identify what was good and definitely learn from it and repeat it - cuz it probably worked!

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      Pearldiverposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Nice one... hahaha.. snuck up on ya huh?

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      Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      LOL! Thanks SomewayOuttaHere! I love your answer! Everyone's input has given me so much positive hope about marriage. Oh yea, my parents' marriage isn't crappy at all. There are some things that I would change but overall, I think that they did and are doing pretty good! I guess that's a good sign for me huh?

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   donotfearposted 12 years ago

   It's complicated..........

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      Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      But, you can get through it...if you want, right?

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   ocbillposted 12 years ago

   Thanks for the traditional picture that 95% of the population is.
   In any event, I think this status term is now outdated and more of a war.

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      Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Why do you say that?

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   love my yorkiesposted 12 years ago

   Going on 22 years in september, and I can't imagine my life without my husband.  No, our marriage is not perfect (I don't think there is such a thing), we can finish each other's sentences, make each other laugh but we've had some very rough times too.  Over the years there have been several times when we were ready to call it quits, why did we stay together, mainly because even with all the problems and bad times and the times we don't like each other very much, we still love each other.  We've survived adultry, financial ruin, long term seperations due to jobs and all the other every day stuff.  We've survived this thing called our life and we keep going and we get better.  I guess in the long run, it's simply a choice you must make and your life and marriage is what you choose it to be.

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      Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sharing...sounds like you've been through a battle and still made it on top. Congrats!

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         love my yorkiesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Well thanks for the congratulations, may be a bit premature tho . . . today is turning out to be one of those days where I don't like my hubby very much.  He's being kind of a butt head and I can't decide whether to go and find my baseball bat or just drink another cup of coffee and have some chocolate and mentally go to my "happy place" to chill out!   LOL  Oh well, this to shall pass and tomorrow is another day!!!

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    Greek Oneposted 12 years ago

    Marriage is the only universally accepted form of assisted suicide

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       love my yorkiesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Hey, believe me there are days when I would agree with you 100%

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          Esenbeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          @Greek One and Love my yorkies...lol!!

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    grand old ladyposted 12 years ago

    I've been happily married for 27 years. What helps a lot is, before you even fall in love, you figure out what your negotiables and non-negotiables are in marriage. For example, some non-negotiables might be verbal and physical abuse, among others.
    
    Once you know your negotiables and non-negotiables, you have to really know the man you are going to marry inside out, especially in terms of your non-negotiables. Because the bottom line is, love is not enough. Marriage is not a feeling, but a commitment. You won't always be in love, but you are committed to stay in the marriage until you fall in love with each other again.
    
    Through the difficult times I never had regrets, never thought of backing out because my husband is worth it. Also, through the years, you just have each other's backs and the great benefit of staying together is seeing how love can transform in so many different and interesting ways with one man, and you know that, growing old together, the smartest choice you made in life is in choosing the man you married.
    
    Most of all, it helped that we share the same depth of faith in God and that comprises a big part of what enriches our marriage.

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