How do you forgive when others hurt your deeply?
We sometimes find it difficult to forgive those who hurt us. But research shows that forgiving others has health benefits. Even more, the Bible instructs Christians to forgive those who wrong them
I'll forgive people because not forgiving is very toxic and benefits no one. However, if what the person did was intentional and meant to hurt me, although I will forgive them because not doing so won't change the past, I will cut them out of my life. I don't see any reason to keep someone destructive like that around.
Wrote a hub about this issue. My best answer is that, if the person asks to be forgiven, you act as though you've forgiven no matter how you actually feel, and hope your feelings eventually catch up.
It says in the bible "forgive them for they know not what they do", so it's pretty clear to me..So they don't know they've let themselves turn into the type of person, that does harm to others when they do the harming..Even if you thought 100% that they do know their doing it, the very fact that being good does feel better than doing bad proves they don't know their doing it..Mean bad evil acts are done by people not in control of their mind/body, & they have been too lazy to fight their mind using will power..So in actual fact we should feel empathy for those people that have hurt us, because we should know their just weak people..They will learn one day (hopefully), & we should just be pleased we're not one of those people..I would say cut all ties with people who hurt us asap, but just know before hand that they can't help themselves, & that's why they hurt us etc when they did or do..IF we don't forgive them, then "we're" being controlled by our mind into holding onto a grudge..So they didn't know they was doing/did it, & the past is the past & it can't be changed..The next time someone hurts us we should just think about what it's doing to their soul, & what sort of person their turning into..The guilt will get them at the end of the day, & we know that because how guilty would we feel if we did what they did?..They might put a brave face on things & act like their happy, but they can't be happy with themselves deep down because we wouldn't be..If we knew the full life story of the person who hurt us, & saw all their experiences etc..We might be able to say AHA it was that which led to that, which led them to act/treat me like they did..We can't say that but what we can say is that, any time someone does/says anything bad towards us, it's "them" that has some sort of problem or is having a bad day/life etc.
Jesus said "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."
Meaning that God should forgive them for being deceived. If they had known what they were doing, they wouldn't have done it, but that is how deception works. I try to follow that, and forgive freely, because I know that those who wrong me are being deceived also.
The simplest answer is this -- assume the viewpoint of God: Love.
If our love is unconditional, infinite and generous, then forgiveness becomes easy. If we still cling to something as "important," then our love becomes impure. If someone steals our money and we remain attached to that money as "Important," then we cannot forgive. We must view the money as decidedly unimportant and love to be of utmost importance -- important not to "self" (ego), but because it is what the Father is.
Another approach to forgiveness is one of taking perfect (100%) responsibility for the actions of another. Most people are hardwired to blame someone else for the things those people have done to us. Blame and responsibility are polar opposites in this mortal realm; but True responsibility in its perfected form is divine -- above the dichotomy of responsibility-blame. This perfect form of responsibility has no blame -- not even a spot of it. If you take 100% responsibility for anything, you can no longer be a victim. Thus, turning the other cheek (forgiveness) becomes effortless.
Still another approach involves faith -- the perfection of confidence. But with this, you also need utter humility, because without humility, confidence becomes arrogance and forgiveness becomes impossible. With humility and confidence, one fearlessly accepts that which is given with humility. Thus forgiveness becomes effortless.
Finally, if we are perfectly grateful for the gift someone has given us, no matter how evil it seems, then we are assuming the viewpoint of the Heavenly Father and are walking with Him once again.
Rod Martin, Jr.
"The Art of Forgiveness"
I recognise the pain and frustration if even only in myself. The divine plan seems to be that we won't just do this immediately. It is a slow process.
Patience, tolerance, acceptance and many other virtues are necessary, as well as a life of interior and exterior prayer, meditation and a reliance on Divine Grace.
by aricky22 8 years ago
Why is it necessary to forgive those who have hurt you?
by jay2jay 7 years ago
How much are you willing to forgive those who trespass against you?
by Leslie A. Shields 8 years ago
We know that we will be better off if we forgive all of those things and and all of those people that have caused us pain....In this thread, ask for or give forgiveness. You don't have to give specific in details if you don't want to.I ask that Christians who have hurt people be forgiven.
by Joan Whetzel 5 years ago
Have you ever felt the need for revenge?What did you do about it? Did you pull of some sneak revenge? Did you plan the revenge but not do anything about it? Did you find some way to train your brain onto something else more constructive?
by pennyofheaven 7 years ago
The bible says And forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive those who trespass against us.IWhat does this mean for you?
by RPirate 3 years ago
Do you care what others think or say about you behind your back?Does it matter what other people say about you when you're out of hearing range. We come across with two-faced people that have developed this sort of lifestyle. Being a "public chameleon" with opinions that are constantly...
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