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jump to last post 1-12 of 12 discussions (42 posts)

Any Questions for Me?

  1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
    JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years ago

    Hello once again children, today I will be doing a quick question and answer session, so any questions for your Lord?

    1. Arthur Fontes profile image82
      Arthur Fontesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Coke or Pepsi?

      1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
        JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        I would have to say Coke with a splash of Holy Water is an ideal beverage for someone such as myself.

    2. tantrum profile image61
      tantrumposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      i don't see any children around. They're not allowed in here .

      1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
        JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Well you are all my Children! (Not biologically, that would be dirty)

    3. profile image56
      (Q)posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Why do you create and allow to starve to death thousands of children every day?

      Souls don't grow on trees, you know.

      1. profile image56
        (Q)posted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Here's another question, why don't you answer the questions you said you would answer?

        1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
          JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          Because I have seen you in these forums and you are quite obviously a tempting demon!

          1. profile image56
            (Q)posted 8 years agoin reply to this

            And, you are so afraid of me you can do nothing but hide your head in the sand?

            Or, you're just not as omniscient as you claim since you can't seem to answer the hard questions.

            1. DogSiDaed profile image57
              DogSiDaedposted 8 years agoin reply to this

              (Q) he ain't really Jesus tongue

              1. profile image56
                (Q)posted 8 years agoin reply to this

                Oh yes, I get that. Jesus would have attempted to answer the question. He was a superhero, not a coward.

                1. DogSiDaed profile image57
                  DogSiDaedposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  Was he? Does that make him comparable to Spiderman? tongue

                  1. profile image56
                    (Q)posted 8 years agoin reply to this

                    Sure, why else would they call Water Skeeters the "Jesus Bug"?

                2. AdsenseStrategies profile image77
                  AdsenseStrategiesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  Not sure about that. Jesus made a name for himself avoiding the question, speaking in parables, and so on. He never even comes out and says he is the Messiah/Christ, or Divine, for example, even when asked point blank... which, come to think of it, might make the whole Christian project a bit suspect...

                  1. profile image56
                    (Q)posted 8 years agoin reply to this

                    Good point. I've seen it argued that Jesus 'updated' some indigestible values from the OT, like 'an eye for an eye' replacing it with 'turn the other cheek' but he did not explain this sudden backpeddling of gods word, amongst others.

    4. AdsenseStrategies profile image77
      AdsenseStrategiesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      If you're Jewish and working-class, why do you look like a middle-class WASP?

    5. BobLloyd profile image61
      BobLloydposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      How do we remove you and replace you with an elected representative?  And if you are omniscient, why don't you just answer the questions you know we want answered?

      1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
        JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        I give you free choice to ask what you will, and not to meddle too much in the minds of man. As to your first question, I find my attempted usurping quite offensive!

        If I told you what you wanted ALL the time you wouldn't have much fun now would you? And I'd have less fun observing you mess everything up.

    6. prettydarkhorse profile image63
      prettydarkhorseposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I am just curious, why is Jesus Christ still a virgin at the age of 33, is that true? Does God has anyhting to do with it? Is HE alwasy around and due to his omnipresence?

      1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
        JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        If you had your father watching over you every time you tried to get some, you'd shy away from it as well.

        1. prettydarkhorse profile image63
          prettydarkhorseposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          HAHAHA, can the FATHER join in, wow, I am already bad today,

    7. Daniel Carter profile image75
      Daniel Carterposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      If there is only One True God, then which of you is it? You or The Father? You claim to be "One", but really, dude, that's completely against the laws of physics. So are you just the vice president? Why don't we get to talk to the pres? Typical corporate BS.

    8. LINEOFPROGRESSION profile image61
      LINEOFPROGRESSIONposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Hey buddy, I was just wondering when you plan on coming on back. I mean I've heard of the 3 day rule, but over 2,000 years? But who am I to judge you, I'm sorry. Maybe traffic in heaven is causing the delay. Oh yeah, and I'm sorry about last Tuesday................ I was drinking so yeah............ I beg for your mercy.

  2. Bovine Currency profile image57
    Bovine Currencyposted 8 years ago

    Is it true that American Marines are necessarily low in intelligence?

    1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
      JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I do not believe that it is part of their job criteria to possess a low intelligence. But indeed my Father seems to think it is fit that many of them do have a low intelligence. It helps them follow orders you see.

  3. Bovine Currency profile image57
    Bovine Currencyposted 8 years ago

    Is it true that you will buy me lunch?

    1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
      JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I don't possess money. Money is the root of all evil after all.

  4. Misha profile image74
    Mishaposted 8 years ago

    Whose sock puppet are you?

  5. profile image0
    lyricsingrayposted 8 years ago

    Just curious, what are you doing?  Do you pretend to be serious and if so why do people torture and kill after raping children?  Why would a GOD allow this?  And still not show up so there was no doubt in Faith?  You prefer to keep people in fear and questioning their existence.  Interesting.

    1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
      JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You live in sin for Adam and Eve putting clothes on. My father was most dissapointed when they did this as he was having a good look at his work and from then on he has punished all humans. So if you want to blame someone then blame them.

      As for showing up, I'm here now am I not?

  6. Bovine Currency profile image57
    Bovine Currencyposted 8 years ago

    Was your father looking at Adam and Eve?

    Does your father enjoy looking at naked men?

    1. JesusYourSavior profile image51
      JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Well as he has no gender then it makes no odds surely? I prefer Eve myself. I have a pinup of her on my cloud.

  7. Bovine Currency profile image57
    Bovine Currencyposted 8 years ago

    Why did my church pastor touch me in my private place?

    1. creepy profile image51
      creepyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You asked him to?

    2. JesusYourSavior profile image51
      JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Well of course, this was not allowed at all! Although, being Catholic, he DID repent afterwards, so he's still joining me in heaven. Does that make you feel any better?

      1. Bovine Currency profile image57
        Bovine Currencyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Will he touch me again in heaven?

  8. JesusYourSavior profile image51
    JesusYourSaviorposted 8 years ago

    Children, I am leaving this post for the time being, but I will be back to answer some more of your questions later. (I'm playing Ultimate Frisbee. Gabriel is opposing Captain. He's SUCH a pain, really!)

    1. Bovine Currency profile image57
      Bovine Currencyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Cya round J

  9. DogSiDaed profile image57
    DogSiDaedposted 8 years ago

    Can you perform a miracle for us?

  10. Lady Guinevere profile image60
    Lady Guinevereposted 8 years ago

    Did you ever say or do anything in a jokingly that was taken out of context?

  11. brightforyou profile image84
    brightforyouposted 8 years ago

    Dear Jesus

    Love the plants and animals and oceans and stuff ~ Good Job!

    ...I guess humans were meant to be 'a work in progress?'

  12. aware profile image67
    awareposted 8 years ago

    fat chicks? or flat chests?

 
working