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Top Google Search With Humor: How Can I Get Taller and Other Nonsense.

Updated on November 25, 2012

INTRODUCTION

I have been writing about some seriously tough issues of late, so it’s time to turn to humor to provide some healing. All through my life, humor has been my saving grace, that which I turn to when the walls are closing in and my head feels like it might explode. Since that would be very messy, I prefer to laugh rather than clean up gray matter. J

So, if you have no idea what this series is, allow me to explain. I type into the search engine a partial question, and then I jot down what my fellow internet junkies are searching for. After that, I add my own brand of sarcastic humor and hopefully, after that, you end up laughing so hard your ribs hurt.

Today’s question is…..how can I? What follows, then, are the results of that partial search, and my own ridiculously shallow and infantile humor.

What more can I say?
What more can I say? | Source

HOW CAN I GET TALLER?

This was never a problem during the Roman Empire. Those who wanted to be taller simply requested a session on the rack! History tells us that they gained two or three inches in height before their shoulders popped out of their sockets and life ceased to exist.

Oh, I’m sorry, you wanted a serious answer? Well I’m here to tell you that you will never be taller. You will always be a 5’2” guy with Little Man’s Syndrome and you will always be mad at the world because of it.

Seriously, how can you be taller???? Like there is some magic pill that helps us gain inches? Get a grip on reality, Shorty; it ain’t going to happen, but once you get to be my age you will become shorter….in many ways.

HOW CAN I FIND SOMEONE

Get a GPS unit or a guide dog; either one is effective!

Maybe they meant how can they find someone for a relationship? Well, I know a guy who is a bit short but seems like an alright sort of guy. If you aren’t taller than his 5’2” he would probably be interested in meeting you.

Or you can do what the rest of us do and join Match.com and embarrass yourself and meet tons of losers, or you can advertise on Facebook like Tina from Cebu, Philippines, or you can drive down to the Mustang Ranch in Las Vegas and for $100 you can have a meaningful relationship for one hour.

The one, the only.....
The one, the only..... | Source

HOW CAN I MAKE MONEY

Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is to get a job at the Mustang Ranch!

Now, if you are a guy, you can invent a potion that helps Shorty and guys like him to grow taller.

Or, you can just get any old job and be miserable like 90% of the world’s population. You will make some money but after you pay your bills and your rent and buy food you won’t have any money for two more weeks, at which point the cycle starts all over again.

This will continue until you are 72 at which point you can draw Social Security for four years and then die!

Have a good life!

HOW CAN I LOSE WEIGHT

It should be much easier to lose weight now that Hostess is going out of business. That diet you devised where you eat twenty Twinkees and drink eight glasses of water was destined to fail.

Seriously, how can you lose weight? Get off of the couch, Sluggo, and put one foot in front of the other; keep doing that until your pants slide down over your hips to the floor. Problem solved!

HOW CAN I KEEP FROM SINGING

Simple! Have your boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, or wife put duct tape over your mouth!

I’ m sorry, am I missing something here? How can they keep from singing? That is not something that happens by accident, right? I mean, we don’t suddenly just start signing without wanting to, right? If we did, we’d have a lot of people singing “Twist and Shout” while in the library, or in an elevator, or the public bathroom, or in church during funerals. How can you keep from singing? Try shutting your mouth and keeping it shut you blithering, barely-functioning simpleton!

Do You Know The Way to the Mustang Ranch?

A markerlas vegas nevada -
Las Vegas, NV, USA
get directions

HOW CAN I BECOME A HACKER

The best way I know is to sign a baseball contract with the Seattle Mariners. That team is filled with hackers who couldn’t hit a pitch if it was served on a platter.

Oh, I’m sorry, you meant a computer hacker? How silly of me! Well no problem! I’ll introduce you to my cousin Duane. He’s currently doing 2-5 years at Folsom Prison, but when he gets out he’ll be glad to teach you how to be a hacker. Duane is 5’2” and he’s been hacking into the accounts of tall people for years. He has anger-management issues but still, he can probably give you some tips. Hey, maybe you can teach Duane how to be taller in exchange for some hacking skills.

HOW CAN I REGISTER TO VOTE

Are there really people who don’t know how to do this? And after they find out they then vote? God have mercy on us all!

The simple way to handle this problem is to wait for the next Presidential election. Just sit by the phone and on any given evening you can count on twenty calls from strangers asking if you have registered yet. Or, and this might be a better idea, you can move to Florida, where once they teach you how to register you can vote five or six times for every election. Pretty cool, huh?

Complete silliness by yours truly

HOW CAN I DELETE MY ACCOUNT

Again, I refer you to my cousin Duane! He can delete your account, give you a new identity (complete with new I.D. from Florida), and then help you to go underground and become a member of the Short Man’s Society, where you will stand tall among your peers.

I’m sorry, that was a cheap blow and I feel horrible.

On second thought, I don’t feel horrible at all.

One word of caution: obviously Duane is not very talented in his chosen field, so you might want to skip the whole Duane idea and just surf Facebook and eat Twinkees until the weight police come and haul your butt to the slammer. There you will be fed a steady diet of sprouts and tofu until you are singing for mercy and dreaming of a job at the Mustang Ranch as a bronc-trainer.

Will I get banned for that last sentence? Let’s find out, shall we?

THAT’S ALL UNTIL NEXT TIME

As you go about your business today, look closely at the people you pass on the street. Shifty eyes? Twinkee filling on their lips? 5’2” tall? If you see all three characteristics in one person, say hi to my cousin Duane, and then run like hell in the opposite direction!

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

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    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      George, that gives new meaning to the word "hacker." It appears they are hacking their own accounts to shreds. :)

    • George Greene Jr. profile image

      George Greene Jr. 4 years ago from California PA

      Billy..

      I think Duane learned how to clone himself in Prison! I see 5'2" people everyday around the campus trying to hack into the college system's setup to do their homework, (which instead ends up deleting all their account's , starting with their bank account!!!)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jeannie, no kidding, and they are all around us! We can't get away from them....the infect the air we breathe and the water we drink. LOL

      Thanks my friend!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      These hubs scare and delight me more and more as time goes on. I seriously hope the people that can't figure out how to vote never do learn how. Those are the folks messing up elections for the rest of us!

      Great hub as always!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Phoenix, my son is 28 and I have noticed the same thing. He is always watching out for me; expressing concern at the oddest moments.....the circle of life my friend. Sad in a way, but beautiful too. Thank you for a poignant comment.

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Good morning, billybuc.

      Years ago Erma Bombeck wrote an amusing and poignant piece about how parents and children swap roles as they get older. I've noticed it too with my children. My youngest daughter walks me home from work everyday. She knows after a day at work I'm tired and my limp becomes more pronounced. She looks both ways before we cross and holds my arm till we're safely across. My oldest offers to take me wherever I need to go when she's not working.

      Funny, I didn't think this would happen for another 10 years at least.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie, okay, now I'll laugh my ass off! I love your brother's response. When my mom was heading downhill back in 2005 it was quite obvious the rolls had been reversed. For some reason I never saw it coming; never realized that one day I would be doing for her what she did for me all of those years. There were a whole lot of emotions wrapped up in that last year. :)

      hugs to you and your firestarting mom!

      billy

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Billy - I told you because I KNEW you would get a chuckle out of it as well as appreciate it.

      The porch was heavily damaged. My sister and I stated the same thing - if I had been sleeping I never would have realized it.

      Unfortunately, the roles we take in life change with the years. I think Mom and I have increasingly swapped places.

      And after it was over, I shared a very good laugh with others as well. As you know my brother is a contractor. Mom kept worrying about the fire catching underneath the porch and I kept telling her the only thing under the porch was dirt. My brother never missed a beat when replying to me "Yeah - it's a great place to bury a body!" LOL PMP!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie....oh dear, I refuse to laugh at that one. Can you imagine if the fire had started a few hours later, and you were in bed? No, I'm not laughing at this one, although if I had done that I would laugh at myself after cussing a blue streak for a few minutes. I'm sorry; I hope your mother doesn't' feel too bad. So how badly is the porch burned? At least the house wasn't damaged at all, and you caught it in time.

      Sheez, I'm relieved. I'm' sorry but grateful that you are alright.

      I love your attitude....PMP

      love,

      billy

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Billy - I am glad someone does!

      Now that the crisis has passed, may I share a week in my life for a moment?

      Mom and I sit down to eat dinner last week when I smell something burning. I immediately ask her if she smells something burning and she tells me it's probably coming from the fireplace where she had started a fire earlier in the day.

      I don't accept this as this smoke smell is too strong to be coming from the living room. I walk into the living room and the smoke smell isn't there. I sit back down at the table and smell it again.

      Now I know something is wrong and I look to my left through the kitchen door onto our very very large enclosed porch. What greets my eye is my worst nightmare. The porch is so filled with smoke, I can't see anything through the doors window. I immediately jump up and start moving. I open the door and run onto the thick smoke (stupid) and have to back up into the kitchen. We keep a large bucket of water for the dog to drink from. I grab it and run back to the porch and throw it, immediately more smoke and sizzling.

      To make a very long story short, Mom caught the house on fire. She emptied the fireplace ashes earlier in the day and put them in a CARDBOARD BOX! After setting them on the porch, she forgot and the porch caught on fire. Although the house isn't damaged, the porch certainly is.

      Hens, my reason for being absent the past week. You can laugh now as it is over.

      PMP PMP PMP

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie....LOL....you and your PMP make me laugh every single time. Thank you as always my dear; I truly do appreciate you.

      love and hugs,

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, you are too kind. This is just an example of my infantile humor when I was a teenager. Seems it hasn't left me over the years. LOL

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      I haven't been able to stop by Hub pages in over a week so it was a wonderful treat to log on and share some of your fantastic humor.

      I wonder what would come up if you searched for PMP!!!???

      Love, Beckie xo

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      How Can I ...keep from laughing? Whenever you publish one of these Google Search hubs I know I'm in for a treat. They are fun to read as we follow your sense of humor weaving from one variation on the question to the next...we may have mastered the art of putting one foot in front of the other, but you my friend have mastered Google ;)

      Voted up, funny, and interesting.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Mary! I have great fun writing these.

    • Mary Merriment profile image

      Mary Merriment 4 years ago from Boise area, Idaho

      A very entertaining read. Thanks for the laughs.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Margarita, it's good to see you again. I just visited your site; sorry we have lost touch, as I do enjoy reading your work and having you visit mine. Thank you my friend!

    • MargaritaEden profile image

      MargaritaEden 4 years ago from Oregon

      Bill, I love it! I especially enjoyed the one about how you can become a hacker, really? people ask questions like that? Wow, thanks for cheering me up, I truly enjoy your hubs!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Nancy, that's what I'm here for, to help you all out and save you time in searching for answers. LOL don't try to thank me. :)

      But I will thank you!

    • Lipnancy profile image

      Nancy Yager 4 years ago from Hamburg, New York

      Honestly bullybuc, I don't know how I would have done these thing without you. LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruby, if I explain that one, I'll have another hub banished. :) Glad you enjoyed and thank you kind lady.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      It's a good thing i didn't read this last night, i would still be laughing. Explain, " Shorter in many ways "? Hee..

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Becky, too funny! Stay away from that ranch!!!!

      Thank you!

    • Rfordin profile image

      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      Hey billybuc,

      LOL I've never wondered how to get taller as I've always been considered tall. However I've often wondered where the Mustang Ranch. Thanks for the directions!

      ~Becky

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dolores, you are way ahead of me. It actually is a song but I had never heard of it. :) Thank you for visiting.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, the angels are appreciated; so glad you enjoyed my humor. Best of luck with that singing problem. :)

      blessings always,

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Martin! It's always nice having you visit.

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 4 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Such a great idea for a hub. Here, you provide all the answers to life's most important questions! I mean, if someone really wants an answer to these questions, I hope they wind up here. I am wondering if "How Can I Keep From Singing" is the name of a song. It just sounds like one but I am too lazy to look for it.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      Good morning Bill

      I am so glad you addressed: how do I keep from singing? I was just looking for the answer to that one the other day. I am in line and all of a sudden a song in my heart must come rushing out for all to enjoy, or, not. Seriously, these are too funny. As usual I have enjoyed the chuckles very much.

      Hope all is good in your neck of the woods. Sending Angels your way ps :)

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Great stuff. Thank you for sharing.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Nell....LOL....that last comment was funnier than the entire hub. Thank YOU for putting a smile on my face.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      You always make me laugh! lol! that was so funny! people do stun me with their stupidity sometimes! glad that was the last hub of the night before I hit the sack, I can go to bed with a smile on my face, oh lord that sounded terrible! haha!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Melissa, you are too funny! The secret to writing like me is to get really old and have too much time on your hands. You have a long ways to go in the age department, but you are light years ahead of where I was at your age.

      Thank you Melissa; I'm glad you had fun with this one.

    • mpropp profile image

      Melissa Propp 4 years ago from Minnesota

      Nice way to change up the mood Bill! I wasn't going to say anything but you were a bit of a downer lately...just kidding! But, I always appreciate these funny google searches. My top search says "How do I...become as good a writer as Bill." I see that you did an ebook on Kindle? Was that just recent? I'm going to check it out now.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Linda, exactly how big is that sack of taters? LOL You crack me up my friend (yes, you are my friend, a real friend)

      Have a great evening and I'll look forward to your next rant.

      bill

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Bill, this was a great way to end my HP session for the day. This series always makes me feel like a genius. I'm scared to venture out into the street but I sure feel smart sitting in my home with my sack of taters. I would like Duane's number, just in case, you know. Thanks for the boost. I think I can handle my evening with ease now. :-)

      My pal, I hope you got the healing you needed. I sure did.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ardie, I actually hesitated writing about short men for fear people would take me seriously. I'm always so serious in many of my hubs, that when I switch to humor, some people can't make the transition. :) Thanks as always, Ardie!

    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 4 years ago from Neverland

      Wow Bill, whats with all the hate towads short men? Hahah I loved the question about losing weight - you mean my twinkie diet...its not gonna happen? Hostess went out of business? (J/k) Great Hub :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Oh, thanks Jo! Coming from the Queen of Funny Limericks, that is quite a compliment.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michele, thank you for the laugh today. Yes, I remember Pong, and I was horrible at it. I decided early on that I would never be good at computer games or video games and I have lived up to my expectations. :)

      Yack all you want my friend; it's always nice to see you. Thank you!

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Billy, these are brilliant, it's a funny old world, why are we humans so darn insecure? thanks for the chuckle. :))

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 4 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      How do you get taller? Well I didn't hmph....4'11'' but my hubby is 6'4" I know that is weird. But, he is very sweet and our daughter kind of taking after me. Oh well life is life. The good think is I am not the kind of short person who hacks into computers. I am to old to know how to do that. Do you remember the computer game " Pong"? one little round white thing and two straight white lines, and the little round ball would bounce back and forth, ok I am going to stop yacking :) I was just sort of letting you know that I was old enough to remember some of the stuff people my age remember. Ok, now I will stop yacking!!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mark, they were definitely wrong. Good to see you back; you have been missed.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, just short men....you are safe. :) The first time I heard Dylan I thought it was a joke. Turns out the joke was on me. LOL Thanks my dear!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Deb, I'm darn glad you aren't 5'2" also. :) Thanks Deb!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Coffee, never a nonsense question from you. LOL I'm glad you had fun with this one; thanks for the visit.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Austin, you are killing me. LOL One of the all-time great comments.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      Bill, remember when we were children and we were told there are no stupid questions.....They were wrong:)

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Too funny, Bill! If I didn't love you'd I'd take serious offense! I'm 5'2" (but I'm a girl, so that's OK) and live in Florida. It's not that we get multiple votes. It's the people over 90 counting the votes; they get lost after 10 and have to start all over! I'm not kidding - all those manning the booths this election year are only hanging on in hopes of receiving free medical care cuz they have one foot 6' under!

      As far as singing, singing is a good thing unless you can't carry a tune, but that shouldn't stop you. Look at Bob Dylan! One of my favorites, but face it folks he made his living from good messages and the fact that he sings in the perpetual key of flat!

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Awesome and up. Glad I'm not 5'2".

    • coffeegginmyrice profile image

      Marites Mabugat-Simbajon 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      Oh my, glad I am a little taller than 5'2", lol! I laughed so hard with duct-taping the mouth to keep from singing, but that would not keep from humming, hahaha. This hub, billybuc just gave me a good laugh and now I am hungry. What to eat? Is this a nonsense question? :)

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      You should be ashamed of yourself, Billybuc. Apologize to all the singing tourette's sufferers out there. They inexplicably burst into song in between curse words that make the military cringe.

      Poor defenseless brain damaged singers, stutterers and foul mouthed bi!(hes.

      Please get everyone to send me a dollar and I will contribute to the Tourette's foundation (in your name) someday.

      P.S. - in lieu of dollars, I will accept Twinkies

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL....great line, Tammy!

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      Wow! How can I stop singing.. makes it sound like tourettes..Lol!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, I have my sources. :) Glad I got you laughing. Thanks buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dwachira, I hadn't done one of these in quite some time. I needed the break from seriousness. Glad you enjoyed it and best wishes to you.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Skeety, I have never been called cheeky before. Thank you for that! :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Christin, that's a possibility I hadn't considered....maybe one of the rejects who now wishes they had never started in the first place. :) Thank you my UK friend!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      David, glad I could help you during the tedium of morning emails. Thanks for the visit.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL Sherry, good to know. I'm about medium so I really don't apply, but it's fun to laugh about it all from time to time. Thank you Sherry!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Crystal....LOL....good to see you! I'll have to do some research on that and see what I can find out. I'll get back to you on that one. :) Thank you!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      "It should be much easier to lose weight, now that Hostess has gone out of business..." hahahahahah ROFLMAO!

      So, when the hell were you snooping in my pantry?!............funny++++

    • dwachira profile image

      [ Danson Wachira ] 4 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      Hi Bill,

      There you go again, thanks man. I have been busy all day and feeling tired, this is exactly what i wanted, lib cracking humor. On a serious note, i have a phobia dealing with short people (i prefer using "height challenged people"), i noticed most have this quick temper that will crop up if you happen to mention anything related to their height. I hope your cousin Duane is not among them. Great write-up, voted up, interesting and more.

    • SkeetyD profile image

      SkeetyD 4 years ago from Barbados

      Very cheeky Bill. The repetition was a good comedic instrument. Google, the muse of the internet

    • christin53 profile image

      Ann-Christin 4 years ago from UK

      I enjoyed reading this after a long day at work it made me smile especially the "How can I keep from singing" maybe it was someone from X-Factor :)

    • David Warren profile image

      David Warren 4 years ago from Nevada

      This was the perfect hub to read with my coffee after addressing my morning e-mails, 90% of which could have found a category fitting for your hub! Thanks for the uplifting laugh this morning!

    • Sherry Hewins profile image

      Sherry Hewins 4 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

      Very nice, people are so silly. I'm glad you were able to lighten it up a little. But seriously, I know a few short guy that married some very nice Filipino ladies they found on the internet.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image

      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      I would like to know how to adjust my life cycle so that I could be of age to marry Bruce Springsteen circa the Born in the U.S.A. era, before that Jersey girl nabbed him. Can Google help me with that?

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Phoenix, you got it! This was written as a way of relaxing my brain and calming my nerves after so many serious hubs. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, if I brought some sunshine into your hectic world then my job is done. :) Thank you my dear, and I hope you have a few peaceful moments during the day.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Julie, you stand tall in my world! :) I'm glad you enjoyed this, and like you, I am always a bit more concerned about humanity after I do one of these searches.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tim, my pleasure for sure. I'm always here to help. LOL Thanks Tim!

    • brblog profile image

      Bruce 4 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

      I'm already tall, but the rest of the tips will come in handy - can't wait to get started . . . thanks.

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

      Really..."How canI keep from singing?"...God help us, there are some 'lights on but nobody home" types out there. I am 5 feel 2, I have accepted it! These hubs make be both titter and marvel at how dim people can be Bill - always a winning combination!

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Oh man Bill, I missed this series and needed a good laugh after my 3 year old has decided that theme for the morning is "How many temper tantrums can I have before sending my mom to the funny farm?!" Seriously, loved the height one, because I am vertically challenged and stopped growing at 5'2", but don't bother asking anymore if I will grow, but when will I most likely shrink, lol!! Seriously, loved this one as I have the rest and have of course voted up a ton and shared all over!

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Nice change of pace from your last few hubs. Don't get me wrong, I liked them and they had an important message for us all. Put it's important to put things in perspective lest it drives you mad. This hub is a nice reminder that it's not all gloom an doom.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carol, if I gave you some laughter that will last all day then I am one happy writer. Thank you!

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      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Audra, the advantage of adoption is that I'm related but not related to everyone in my family. LOL The joke is on them. :) Thank you my dear friend; have a great day.

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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I love a good laugh and you always provide that. Small man syndrome a serious affliction for sure. I am always amazed at the stupid questions people can ask..and I am sure that I have asked many myself. Thanks for the laughter today..It will last all day long.

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      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Who, I had to write this; I've been much too serious of late. :) Thank you buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Write, thank you for dropping by and I'm glad you enjoyed my nonsense.

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      AudraLeigh 4 years ago

      I learned a new word today; simpleton! I think Duane is a fool! Are you sure you are related?? Fun hub today! I know some people at work who deserve some duct tape for xmas...lol!

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      whonunuwho 4 years ago from United States

      Great humor, Bill and isn't it so nice to leave the usual road of hard knocks and write something a little less serious. Right on, my friend.whonu

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      John Crowley 4 years ago from Sheffield

      Haha, these did make me laugh - especially the 'keep from singing' one... I mean, really?!?

      I love this game and play it myself from time to time, what a great idea to start a hub series about.

      There's only one I disagree with, and it's the first. To prove it, I'm going to refer you to a hub of my own and you can read 'em and weep:

      https://hubpages.com/health/What-Is-Leg-Lengthenin...

      Oh by the way, I wanted to watch your video but my speakers are broken - I'll have to save it for another day!