Do you tend to hold grudges or not?

1. 60

   TheBlondieposted 14 years ago

   Do you tend to hold grudges or not?
   
   I tend to be a big grudge holder, even if I try not to. My friend did something really hurtful, and even though she thinks we're on good terms, I'm still pretty pissed. Are you the same way, or do you just get over it?

   replyreport
2. 58

   amandamarieharrelposted 14 years ago

   I get over it but sometimes it can take a couple months depending on what I am mad about.

   replyreport
3. 60

   livingsimplyposted 14 years ago

   This has been a difficult area for me in the past.  But, over time, I have realised that we all make mistakes.  If I want others to forgive me I have to be prepared to forgive.  There is one person who is no longer in my life.  We both made mistakes and we both hurt each other.  We just didn't have the courage to put it all behind us.  I hope that one day that will be different.

   replyreport
4. 65

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   I don't hold grudges when it comes to the small stuff in life, and I don't even hold grudges when it comes to the big stuff that someone didn't intend to do.  I understand that people sometimes don't know any better about what they should/shouldn't be doing in a situation.
   
   I DO hold grudges (and hold them in a big way) against people who knew what they were doing when they caused problems/harm to someone else; and against people who refuse to question what they did (even if they didn't intend to hurt someone) but who refuse to consider the possibility they were wrong, make an effort to fix any problems they created, and at least acknowledge to whomever it was they hurt, that they now understand what they did.
   
   I can even understand that sometimes someone mistakenly causes so much harm/pain to someone else that they can't face what they did, and can't even bear to try to apologize (often because they think apology "won't do any good at this point").  In other words, I can even understand why some people couldn't bring themselves to even try to apologize.
   
   What I expect from people, though, is this:  Just say  something like, "I know what happened shouldn't have happened, and I'm doing everything I can to try to fix the mess I created."  If there's no fixing it, or sort of fixing some of it; then at least that simple acknowledgment would go a long way to helping the "victim" of some "misdeed"/wrong thinking.
   
   It's a lot easier to get over what someone else has done to us (I think) if we at least know they know what they did and how bad it was.  I don't want people wallowing in apologies and shame.  As I said, I can understand that people don't always have the best judgment; and I don't think they ought to feel more guilty than they should.  All I expect from people is that, "I know how my mistakes caused so many problems and so much hurt in your life, and I know I can't even really see all that problems and hurt you've had a result of my mistakes.  I feel horrible, and can't do anything to undo what happened" (unless, of course, that person actually could do something about it).  For me, the real issue is whether or not I feel like the other person "has a clue" or not when it comes to what went on.  I just need to know the person DOES "have a clue" about his own role in whatever went on.  That, to me, is when I'd no longer need to hold a grudge and when I might be able to help that other person feel less bad about whatever it was he did.

   replyreport
5. 60

   duffsmomposted 14 years ago

   No, I don't hold grudges.  I usually get over things quickly, especially if the person is sincerely sorry.
   
   Why not sit down with the friend and tell her how you feel?

   replyreport
6. 61

   Edoka Writesposted 14 years ago

   It's difficult for me to move pass negativity; however, I try not to carry grudges- a grudge is a burden.
   Most times, I have a long, deep conversation with my offender in order to feel okay about the situation. I also pray about it.

   replyreport
7. 70

   theseusposted 14 years ago

   Not really. Pissed, sure. But hold a grudge? No. I found out that holding a grudge tend to wear me out and it doesn't make things better. In fact, it makes things worse for me rather than on the one who caused it. So I just let it go.

   replyreport
8. 60

   ritazrubyposted 14 years ago

   forgiving is divine but for me there are some people I would not give anything in this world ever, not even my forgiveness.
   its hard not to keep grudges especially when you have been done wrong. I have tried praying and I still am praying about forgiving some people, so I have left it for God.

   replyreport
9. 72

   TinaTangoposted 14 years ago

   I am a huge grudge holder.  I guess that is one of my many faults...

   replyreport
10. 64

    CARIBQUEENposted 14 years ago

    Nah!   Let bygones be bygones.  No use holding grudges, you are hurting no-one but yourself.  Live and let live!

    replyreport
11. 60

    zduckmanposted 14 years ago

    Not anymore. I am glad to be rid of this character defect. It eats you from the inside to hold a grudge. You hold all this inner tension, and the one you you are upset with is oblivious, so you are only hurting yourself. It is best when disgruntled with someone to just air your feelings and be done with it.

    replyreport
12. 61

    nightwork4posted 14 years ago

    i hold grudges forever. i don't believe in forgiving someone who has wronged me or my family if they did it on purpose. to me forgiveness is one of the human races biggest mistakes.

    replyreport
13. 71

    Vishaaaposted 14 years ago

    I tried several times. but I could not stand for a long time. When time passes it just gone with wind.

    replyreport
14. 60

    ikechiawazieposted 14 years ago

    I don't hold grudges. I believe as humans we make mistakes so its a waste of time to hold a grudge. When problems are discussed, hurt disappears.

    replyreport
15. 94

    jpcmcposted 14 years ago

    Generally I don't .  But there's one person whom I still detest.  You only get betrayed by someone you trust. That makes it really annoying.

    replyreport
16. 0

    easilymistaken4posted 14 years ago

    I don't hold grudges to often I just get used to people letting me down.

    replyreport
17. 60

    Quirinusposted 14 years ago

    I'm trying to learn not to hold grudges because, I know from another person's point of view so many things have happened that I could blame on people who did or did not do what they should have done.
    
    It's nice to be able to sleep well at night.  It's nice to be able to honestly say in my mind: I've forgiven you, to those people who neglected their responsibilities in my life.
    
    It's moving on time for me right now.  I'm in the process of "peeling the outer layers (one of which would be holding grudges) of the onion" to get to the core, the pristine jewel that is inside me: joy, peace and love.
    
    .

    replyreport