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Joke for the Day:

  1. DzyMsLizzy profile image90
    DzyMsLizzyposted 18 months ago

    An eager young man has landed a job as a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.  He is very encouraged by the response he's getting with his demonstrations, and continues on his route.

    Soon enough, he travels a bit farther out of town, and gets into a more rural area.  He knocks on a door, and an elderly woman answers.  He begins his spiel, and quickly tosses some dried manure onto her carpet saying, "I guarantee this vacuum will pick up every bit of that dried manure.  If it doesn't, I'll eat it!"  He is very confident with this routine that has worked all day long.

    The woman stops him, and says, "Just a moment sonny; I'll get you a spoon.  We don't have electricity here."

    1. bravewarrior profile image94
      bravewarriorposted 18 months ago in reply to this

      Thanx for the morning laugh!

  2. The Examiner-1 profile image84
    The Examiner-1posted 18 months ago

    big_smile I remember that one.

  3. FatFreddysCat profile image94
    FatFreddysCatposted 18 months ago

    Three explorers are deep in an uncharted jungle when they are captured by a tribe of cannibals.

    They are brought back to the cannibal village, tied to posts in front of the chief's hut, and the chief walks up to the first guy and says "Death...or BUNGA BUNGA?"

    Explorer # 1 sez "Well, I have no idea what Bunga-Bunga means, but it can't be worse than death. So I'll take Bunga-Bunga...whatever it is."

    The chief screams "BUNGA-BUNGA!"...and 100 cannibals line up.  Each one then takes a turn kicking the prisoner forcefully in the nuts.

    When they're done, the Chief moves on to the second guy and asks "Death... or BUNGA-BUNGA?"

    Explorer #2 says "Good Lord, that was horrible to watch... but still, it can't possibly be as bad as death. I choose Bunga-Bunga too."

    The chief screams "BUNGA-BUNGA!" again, and this time TWO HUNDRED cannibals line up, each taking a turn kicking the guy in the nuts, with even more brutality than before. Some of them take more than one shot, and many of them get back in line for multiple turns. The process takes HOURS.

    Finally the Chief moves on to the third prisoner and says "DEATH...or BUNGA-BUNGA?"

    Explorer #3 says in a haughty tone, "Well, SOMEONE has to do the brave and honorable thing around here. I choose DEATH."

    The chief screams "DEATH............BY BUNGA-BUNGA!"

    1. DzyMsLizzy profile image90
      DzyMsLizzyposted 18 months ago in reply to this

      Uh-oh--OW!!  LOL

  4. word55 profile image83
    word55posted 18 months ago

    Okay MsLizzy, that was a good one! LOL!

  5. Quilligrapher profile image89
    Quilligrapherposted 18 months ago

    I've had a little trouble sleeping lately so I went to see my doctor. When I mentioned that both of my grandparents emmigrated from Poland, she gave me a prescription and told me not to worry. I was just a little bipolish. 

    1. DzyMsLizzy profile image90
      DzyMsLizzyposted 18 months ago in reply to this

      **groan** LOL  cute!

  6. chuckandus6 profile image53
    chuckandus6posted 18 months ago

    A wife came out of a busy mall and in the parking lot, searched for her keys,in her purse.They were nowhere to be found,she remembered her husband complaining yesterday, about not leaving the keys in the car.Oh no! after searching relentlessly she could not find her car! It was stolen!!!! she called the police and reported it stolen, and then made the dreaded call to her husband.She told him she left the keys in the car and the car got stolen.
    She waited for his response
    "Really.he said "I dropped you off."
    Relieved she said "oh good,honey can you come get me?"
    "Yes as soon as I convince these cops, that I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR CAR."

    1. DzyMsLizzy profile image90
      DzyMsLizzyposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      LOL!  That's a good one...hahaha

  7. FatFreddysCat profile image94
    FatFreddysCatposted 17 months ago

    Q: Why do squirrels only swim the backstroke?
    A: So they can keep their nuts dry.