What would you do as a parent not to spoil your child, make him/her independent

1. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

   What would you do as a parent not to spoil your child, make him/her independent and resilient as an
   
   adult?

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2. 66

   Tusitala Tomposted 11 years ago

   You are asking a question which one would need to write a whole book about to answer adequately.   Some people seem to have this as an innate ability right from the word go, though it might be that they've had ample opportunity to observe and learn from the mistakes of others.  Certainly it has a lot to do with how they themselves have been brought up.
   
   For example, my wife was the youngest child in a family of six siblings.  By the time her mother and father got around to raising her they'd probably overcome a lot of their own shortcomings.   By number six they'd have been very experienced parents.   Consequently, my wife seemed to know almost intuitively how much control and how much freedom to allow our three kids as they were growning up.
   
   As it was, all three left home at seventeen.  All three did well in the world and continue to do so.  And all three turned out to be well-adjusted adults.   But ask me how to describe how this is done in a sentence or two and I'm afraid I'll have to pass.

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3. 81

   peachpurpleposted 11 years ago

   my hubby said that i spoilt both my children so much that they are not independent. He said I have to stop doing things for them. Teach them , not do for them.

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4. 0

   alwaysamberposted 11 years ago

   I do not have children yet, but I know that when I do, I will most likely be like my parents were with me. They will work for what they want. I did not have electronics (cell phones, lap tops, playstations,etc.) at the age of 12. Heck, I didn't even have those things at the age of 16! I got my first cellphone at the age of 17 and it was nothing fancy. My first laptop came when I was 22 and had been in college for 3 years, already! It wasn't because my parents didn't have the money to buy me those things, it's because they thought that it wasn't necessary. I just don't agree that "kids" should have ipads, iphones, laptops and all of those other gadgets. Call me old-fashioned, but I just don't see a sense in it.

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5. 65

   atechwizposted 11 years ago

   As others have stated, this is not an easy question to answer.  I can probably only provide an example from my own life.  When I was about to reach the age where I would be able to obtain my drivers license my parents were upfront with me and told me that I could drive their cars but would be expected to pay for some fuel.  If I was interested in having my own car that I would need to pay for it and that I would be responsible for all related expenses as well.  That included things like tires, fuel, maintenance, and insurance.  I can tell you that although I was able to acquire my own vehicle I often took the bus to high school since it was free tranporation.  I also did not do things that would cost me more money like doing burnouts as I knew tires were not cheap.  I learned many valuable lessons from this like the value of a dollar and that life does not offer handouts.  You could always tell at high school when parents had bought their kids a car because they never took care of it.  I often saw them driving their cars over curbs because they knew that if they broke this one they would just get a new car.  I would not trade places with them if I could.  Besides teaching me the value of a dollar and responsibility it also gave me a lot of confidence that I could provide for myself.

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