My son cries easily...

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   peachpurpleposted 11 years ago

   My son cries easily...
   
   My son is 6 years old. He cries easily if he has been found to be doing something he shouldn't do. He doesn't cry in front of me because I caught him very often. Problem is when his dad, sister or other family members caught him red handed, he cries easily and crouch over like a ostrich bury his head in a hole...This could go on for 30min !!

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2. 63

   Lisa HWposted 11 years ago

   Six-year-olds that I've known seem to be at a stage when they tend to cry fairly easily.  I've always assumed it's because they're still pretty young, and it's still easy for them to get overwhelmed and/or to feel "emotionally solid enough" to be able to deal graciously with some of the things that bother them.
   
   Also, they're old enough to have developed a certain type of pride and to have a threshold for humiliation that a younger child may not have.  Children always have whatever they have that goes on between them and their mothers, but then there's how they want other people who are bigger/older than they are to see/treat them.
   
   If he particularly admires family members who are older than he is, or if particularly wants their approval and respect and/or if they're not very understanding or appropriate in their response to catching him do something wrong; these kinds of things could explain why he cries.
   
   Children this age often have tremendous admiration for, say, their father or for older siblings. 
   
   Mothers often know how not to make a child feel too horrible about doing wrong, so young children can kind of get used to having that relationship with the mother that involves her seeing him "at his worst" and both of them getting past it.
   
   Or some mothers make such a habit out of acting as if the child is always doing wrong, the child may stop caring so much about even trying to have her approve of/admire what he does).  If a mother is always scolding a child (and I"m not suggest you are - only saying it's what some mothers do), the child kind of tunes it out and doesn't take it all that seriously.
   
   Another scenario might be that a young child whose mother frequently catches him doing things wrong may be able to deal with at least that one adult catching him; but if it gets to the point where it seems as if "everyone" in the family is "on his back" and "judging him" or "having an opinion" about what he does; that could potentially feel like "too much" for a young child (and six is still very young).
   
   I'm not an expert, but the fact that he crouches over and cries for so long suggests to me that he isn't particularly crying over the simple act of someone's catching him.  It seems to me that he's most likely feeling as if "everyone's on his back" and maybe he's feeling as if it's all just too much to deal with.
   
   His father is one thing, but I'd tell all other relatives to tell me if they caught him doing something, and I'd deal with it.

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      peachpurpleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      @lisa
      I absolutely agreed with you. Mother knows best how to deal with this situation.

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   WalterPoonposted 11 years ago

   Personally, I feel that if he cries, let him cry... do not try to stop him. In the meantime, try to understand what his actual problem is and why he does what he did. When the matter has settled down, say a few days later, explain to him what life is all about and why we must accept the fact that we cannot always have our way. In short, that's like educating the child as to the realities of life. Offer anecdotes and parables...  once his paradigm changes, he may cry less often.

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      peachpurpleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      @walter
      thanks, my friend. Very good advice. I let him cry and then ask him why later when he is in good mood. Yeah, i explain to him that he shouldn't act that way and it's ok to be caught red handed. Just repent. Takes time and patience.

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   Halle Louposted 11 years ago

   I have found that children, especially the younger ones have a strong sense of fairness. So if you like you could say something like "well you made a mistake. You can now correct it or make up for it by doing a good deed. Then all will be well." This way rather than focusing on his mistake and feeling overwhelmed by it he is taking a constructive approach ... maybe creative even ... like "Hmm now what good deed can I do ?" It becomes a fun exercise.
   
   If others catch him making a mistake he can say "Aunty, please tell me how can I make it up to you or can I help you with something to say I am sorry?"

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      WalterPoonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Halle, what if the child is defensive? People, including kids, don't like to admit that they have made a mistake, right? How about saying: "EVEN IF you make a mistake, you are still Mummy's child, and Mummy loves you."

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      peachpurpleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      @halle
      guess everyone has different opinions...

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   freedomsthoughtsposted 11 years ago

   I couldn't have said it better than Lisa, from that perspective.  On another hand, from a recent experience, I have come to realize from one of my own, that the crying is sometimes out of disappointment. She is upset, that she got caught.  She doesn't scream or throw a fit but simply cries out. She doesn't want to get into trouble and at one time crying got her out of it.  In this case, we no longer tolerate it.  We ask her not to cry, but to use her words, (so we can discuss the issue at hand) and when she does we praise her for being mature, (a big girl).  When she is crying and doesn't stop, she's sent to her room.  She's allowed to come out when the crying has stopped. (This usually lasts less than five minutes, when she realizes that she no longer has our direct attention.)  When she comes out, we talk about the issue that started the crying to begin with.   
   
   This can be a complicated situation, you don't want to injure a fragile ego by adding to the embarrassment.  I try to stay within the fine line of encouraging my children to learn responsibility, (face consequences), mature (communicate with words and appropriately interact with others.)

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      peachpurpleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      @free
      i think he feels that he has lost his pride, embarrassed. My son doesn't like to make mistakes. When he does, he cries, vent anger to himself. Very often. Even though I didn't scold or reprimand him.

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   hulah cagenposted 11 years ago

   interesting comments! I think it can be a deeper issue which as parents or adults try to fix the best we can. I have found not just for adults, it could have something to with deeper karmic emotional trauma and would recommend
   http://www.merkaba.org/cddownloadstruth.html
   There is usually more to it than meets the eye. Hope this is of some help.

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