How Do You Deal with Liars?
A friend got a ride with me and when she reached home,she discovered that her son[6 yrs] was 'sweet' with cologne, apparently belonging to his father.She asked him about the cologne,where he got it from,if it belonged to his father,why he sprayed himself with it; and the boy denied everything.When he tell lies,he is so sincere and looks so innocent.A teenager tells lies for fun;and he too is so sincere and credible until one discovers a hole in his story or behaviour.Even then he is in denial.An adult received a contract for the renovation of a house in January and said it would be completed by mid- June.At the rate he is going,only God knows the true completion date.In June he was so sure the job would be completed speedily;and it is almost October.How would you deal with these liars?One saying declares that liars are thieves and thieves are potential murderers.What do you say?
81- loveofnight
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i honestly believe that there is no one on the planet that does not lie.perfection does not live here, we will always have to deal with liars in one form or another.
There are people who live by the lie. They wouldn't know The Truth if it slapped them in the face. My approach to adult liars, once it's clear to me what they are, is to draw a line through their names on my "friends list" and move on. There's no point in lecturing them or arguing with them (unless there's a financial transaction involved). But when you know the person cannot be trusted, you simply don't trust them with anything that counts.
As for a young child who lies---and you KNOW he/she's spinning you a tall one---you have a discussion with them about what it means to lose your credibility.
You impress on them that when you tell the truth, you don't have to keep remembering what you said in your last version of "the story". If it's your child that's involved, there should be some appropriate penalty involved to make the lesson memorable.Because there have been so many liars involved (and caught) in Big Business and in Government, it might be good to point out these public examples.
Another point to make with a young child is that if you keep lying and lying, it all comes to bite you eventually. (Unfortunately for some adults, it takes too long.)Twenty lashings in town square, at noon for all to see!!!!
patful wrote:
There are people who live by the lie. They wouldn't know The Truth if it slapped them in the face. My approach to adult liars, once it's clear to me what they are, is to draw a line through their names on my "friends list" and move on. There's no point in lecturing them or arguing with them (unless there's a financial transaction involved). But when you know the person cannot be trusted, you simply don't trust them with anything that counts.
As for a young child who lies---and you KNOW he/she's spinning you a tall one---you have a discussion with them about what it means to lose your credibility.
You impress on them that when you tell the truth, you don't have to keep remembering what you said in your last version of "the story". If it's your child that's involved, there should be some appropriate penalty involved to make the lesson memorable.Because there have been so many liars involved (and caught) in Big Business and in Government, it might be good to point out these public examples.
Another point to make with a young child is that if you keep lying and lying, it all comes to bite you eventually. (Unfortunately for some adults, it takes too long.)Hear, hear! No-one can be intelligent enough to keep telling lies without eventually being found out.
90- girly_girl09
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Liars will eventually lose the trust of their loved ones. Once you begin telling lies, no one can trust you anymore!
I suppose the best way to deal with a liar is to call them out on each and every lie. Chances are though, that they'll deny them, if they are used to lying frequently or could even be described as pathological liars. If they admit to the lie you called them out on, then maybe all is not lost.
44- ScarletRyan1970
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aoiffe379 wrote:
A friend got a ride with me and when she reached home,she discovered that her son[6 yrs] was 'sweet' with cologne, apparently belonging to his father.She asked him about the cologne,where he got it from,if it belonged to his father,why he sprayed himself with it; and the boy denied everything.When he tell lies,he is so sincere and looks so innocent.A teenager tells lies for fun;and he too is so sincere and credible until one discovers a hole in his story or behaviour.Even then he is in denial.An adult received a contract for the renovation of a house in January and said it would be completed by mid- June.At the rate he is going,only God knows the true completion date.In June he was so sure the job would be completed speedily;and it is almost October.How would you deal with these liars?One saying declares that liars are thieves and thieves are potential murderers.What do you say?
The Adult in question needs to pull the bull by the horns and sack the building contractors.The Adult will have to spin them a good yarn,basically lie to them.No time for thieves.They are taking the micky.
I'm not sure if I'd say the contractor is "lying." Most people are inordinately incapable of future prediction. Even with all the best intentions at heart (and training) most people will over or under-estimate the length of time to complete a project. Whether that's right or not depends on your tolerance and patience for contractual commitments.
As for the child lying...I'm not sure what to do about that. Not having children myself I can't offer any experience, but from observing my nephews I know that when they lie about things its b/c they fear getting in to trouble. They may think they will get in trouble for admitting to what they did and lie to prevent that or please the adult. Definitely a behavior that should be corrected and not encouraged.
As for lying from adults - friends in particular - it can be infuriating. I usually distance myself from them and eventually no longer speak to them. There is one girl in particular who used to lie about making plans with my boyfriend. My BF always told me when they would hang out (we were all mutual friends) and I trusted him completely but it was actually really hurtful to be lied to from her. When there is no reason to lie people will lose all faith in you.Yeah, unfortunately people are often too afraid or something to just go ahead and tell the truth. Or maybe they feel there is some advantage in a lie.
When you catch it, it depends on the situation whether confrontation is the right answer. With a child, I'd say go ahead and confront, but try to get to the motivation behind the lie and take care of it if it's a problem and if it's YOUR child. Someone else's child...well, I think I'd let it go. You can create an awful lot of bad feelings by calling somebody else's kid a liar, even if he is one.
With the contractor, I feel really bad for you there. I hate getting stung by trusting someone's word in a business situation, only to have that person fail me. It isn't a good thing, especially when I bust myself to keep MY word in business situations. If the contractor does you too bad, there are legal remedies. Sometimes the threat is enough; but sometimes it backfires. You don't want the person working on your house to be an enemy. Still, you can't lay down and let the contractor walk all over you.
I'd try a gentle confrontation first, reminding him of what he told you and what you believed, and what's actually happening now. Remind him that you don't want it to become necessary for you to discover what your remedies are.
84- SoftCornHippo
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About liars? Damn I'd fire em right off as soon as I KNOW they lyin' - but if they're just makin' some subtle point about my bad breath, then, hell, I know what that's about! A lie is a lie. A fib is a fib. A fib don't hurt nobody. A lie is usually either to cover a crime or to be all malicious on my butt. So I don't like it. BUT whether kid or adult I usually remind em of the littleboywhocriedwolf and then I ask em "How I gonna KNOW when you tellin the truth, dude?" If they walk away - I walk away. If they never come back - good riddance.
97- thranax
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Lies play an important part of our society. Think i'm lieing? Think of the lies people use for good:
Santa Claus coming to your house. Maybe the Easter bunny. There all lies.
At the hospital, to your 13 year old son, "Is my father going to be ok" No one even knows at this point you say "Yes honey, he will be fine." What if it doesn't turn out fine? Then you lied and they know it.
People can't live without lies, if everything was truthful there would be a large outbreak of rage throughout the world at each other.
Personally, I try not to lie as often as possible.
~thranax~
93- sandra rinck
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thranax wrote:
Lies play an important part of our society. Think i'm lieing? Think of the lies people use for good:
Santa Claus coming to your house. Maybe the Easter bunny. There all lies.
At the hospital, to your 13 year old son, "Is my father going to be ok" No one even knows at this point you say "Yes honey, he will be fine." What if it doesn't turn out fine? Then you lied and they know it.
People can't live without lies, if everything was truthful there would be a large outbreak of rage throughout the world at each other.
Personally, I try not to lie as often as possible.
~thranax~lol, I don't lie. I just don't answer.
Kill 'em.
Nah.
Iono, I am not a trusting person so I am not surprised when people lie. I do remember though depending on what it is. It really depends on circumstance.
93- creativeone59
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well, I try really hard not too, because God doesn't like liars, you can find it in the bible and explain it to them if they"re an adult but if it's a kid try to use the boy that cried wolf story and see if that works. but honestly just tell them it's better to be truthful so you they don't get caught up in a lie. creativeone59
96- cosette
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i'm pretty forgiving of my friends, but if a friend lies to me, especially more than once, i will pull away.
the best way to deal with contractors is to get everything in writing up front and make sure they are bonded and licensed.
as for children lying, i would sit down with them and get to the bottom of it to see why they felt safer lying than being truthful
How do you deal with liars? From the safest distance possible.
94- Misha
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I just shoot them
73- sneakorocksolid
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Well with holding all the information from a client is often a common practice. When you say ,"I think we can do it." and you haven't firmed up everything first thats survival.Then you scramble! I've found that clients lie as much or more than contractors. This can put a contractor in a difficult position trying to please someone who'll never be happy or they'll allways have one more demand. I'm told continuously that a job is an emergency, well in construction theres no emergencies especially when safety is concerned. IF someone is into you for money you still have to work with them even if you know they're being deceitfull.
Liars, Wow what a topic! Parents lie to their kids daily, even so small it is called a "white lie" or harmless. A child hears parents on the phone, telling friends that they are ill and therefore can not particpate in what-ever is going on.
Then The child hears a parent talking about the latest sale at Mervyn's and has to be there between the hours when the parent should be at work. What does the parent do? they call their employer and say that the child has a doctor's appointment on that day.
Kids are the product of what they witness. If they witness enough lies, then they will lie. My opinion, if the parent sets a better example for th ekids to follow, then maybe we would reduce the numbers of liars in our society.
94- AEvans
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I would forgive them and guide them to try and get on the right path. Lying is taught , it does not come subconsciously or consciously.
