My love life (Please help) - THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL
90- L. Andrew Marr
- 512 posts
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My dearest hubbers,
This is kind of an embarrising thing for me to talk about. I make certain I do not inform my friends on my love life status as I do not trust them not to bugger things up for me (as they have done in the past) - I come to you because you do not know me personally.
That and you can offer better advice than teenagers who just think with their sexual organs.
I shall come presently to the issue in hand.
There is a girl I know; I met her about a year and a half ago when we became good friends. Over the past few months, however, we have grown closer and closer. I go to the boys grammar school and she goes to the girls one down the road - we meet up atleast three times a week. More if we can.
She has told me in the past, in general conversation, that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment as her last boyfriend cheated on her and broke her heart after a year and a half. I have told her that I want to focus on my studies and writing this year and that girlfriends are a complete drain on my bank account.
To fill in the whole situation - next year we'll be going to different universities.
NOW THE TRICKY BIT
I realised recently that I really like this girl. I can't get her off my mind. I genuinely think I am falling for her but I don't really know what to do.
If I tell her and she rejects me then the restult will be a damaged friendship which will break down over time and resort in awkwardness. At the moment we are best mates (a mutual feeling)and that is at high risk if she denies me.
If I tell her and she feels the same way then I still have the problem of it getting in the way of my studies/writing. There is also the university problem but that is ages away so that can wait.
WHAT SHOULD I DO HUBBERS?
Please give me advice as soon as possible. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow but we're going out to the cinema followed by the pub on Monday. I don't want to get drunk and then somehow find the courage to do something misguided.
So.
Should I:
a) Tell her and risk it all.
b) Not tell her and presume the feelings will pass.
c) Wait and see how the situation plays out.
Thank you for your help.
Luke.
93- Colebabie
- 3244 posts
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a) if she is a friend it will not be a risk on your relationship, you can put it in a way that she won't feel uncomfortable
a)
99- pgrundy
- 1897 posts
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I'd go with C.
I mean, you are both young, so there's no fire. (OK, except for the obvious one...) and she already told you she isn't ready for anything heavy.
Be her best friend and if she didn't really mean what she said she'll make the first move and let you off the hook and you'll get what you want. Move in too soon and she'll freak.
Not like I know. That's my best guess from what you said though.
93- Crazdwriter
- 7514 posts
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A) it seems like she is raelly into you too by what you have described. She is just afraid to get too close because of her last.
And trust me she wouldn't get in the way with your studies or your writing...she would be yuor support and the push you need to continue with both!I'd go with "tell all" Was that "A"? I'm thinking of the girl, too. She would like to know how much you think of her. Everyone does. It isn't something people should hide from each other. We all need some honest admiration and love.
- 90
- L. Andrew Marr
- 512 posts
- Joined: 4 months ago
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pgrundy wrote:
I'd go with C.
I mean, you are both young, so there's no fire. (OK, except for the obvious one...) and she already told you she isn't ready for anything heavy.
Be her best friend and if she didn't really mean what she said she'll make the first move and let you off the hook and you'll get what you want. Move in too soon and she'll freak.
Not like I know. That's my best guess from what you said though.That is really good advice.
Also - I love how with political issues and stuff noone replies quickly - suddenly a love issue comes up and people are quick on the mark.
We are all full of love here on the hub =] 
98- KCC Big Country
- 2007 posts
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A. I'm a risk-taker. Life's too short. Don't overthink it. It may work out better than you hoped. If, by chance, she freaks and runs, at least you found out now. But, from what you've said, she won't run, or if she does she won't run far.
86- tantrum
- 6273 posts
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I'll go for 'C '
Chill out !
See how things go !
If you value her friendship don't say anything If you're not so sure.
It would be a shame if your friendship gets damaged by accelerating the events- 90
- L. Andrew Marr
- 512 posts
- Joined: 4 months ago
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- Fans: 69
Crazdwriter wrote:
A) it seems like she is raelly into you too by what you have described. She is just afraid to get too close because of her last.
And trust me she wouldn't get in the way with your studies or your writing...she would be yuor support and the push you need to continue with both!Hmm, it scares the heck out of me though.
A lot of girls I know around here act like that. Yes, we're close...but am I too far into the dreaded 'FRIEND ZONE'?
Also - loving the lion pic =] - 90
- L. Andrew Marr
- 512 posts
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Noone a fan of 'B' then?
KCC Big Country wrote:
A. I'm a risk-taker. Life's too short. Don't overthink it. It may work out better than you hoped. If, by chance, she freaks and runs, at least you found out now. But, from what you've said, she won't run, or if she does she won't run far.
This is good. Looks like the "A"'s have it, so far.
Bet you'll chicken out. Guys are weird about showing their feelings directly to the person concerned.
86- Rayalternately
- 180 posts
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Definitely tell her.
"je ne regret rien", or however that quotes goes. Carpe diem and all that. It could end in a train wreck and might, but better that than the torment of wondering, "what if..." for ages after the moment has past.- 90
- L. Andrew Marr
- 512 posts
- Joined: 4 months ago
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Paradise7 wrote:
KCC Big Country wrote:
A. I'm a risk-taker. Life's too short. Don't overthink it. It may work out better than you hoped. If, by chance, she freaks and runs, at least you found out now. But, from what you've said, she won't run, or if she does she won't run far.
This is good. Looks like the "A"'s have it, so far.
Bet you'll chicken out. Guys are weird about showing their feelings directly to the person concerned.We're deeper than people think.
Most of us have had one psycho b**ch in our lives who puts us off sharing our feelings. A) It's time to man up!
Booh Hoo, it's going to interfere with my writing and studies? Gimmee a break! If anything it should inspire you even more if it goes well. Sack up marr! If she denies you that will give you even more reason to concentrate.
17- ControversyAndMe
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I don't like how this is in the category of religion and beliefs, but I'd just tell her how you feel and that you'll forget it and let it pass if she's not at all interested. So, A basically.
D) You're draining the wrong bank account.
- 90
- L. Andrew Marr
- 512 posts
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ControversyAndMe wrote:
I don't like how this is in the category of religion and beliefs, but I'd just tell her how you feel and that you'll forget it and let it pass if she's not at all interested. So, A basically.
Sorry, I published it in the wrong one by accident. It was completely unintentional.
- 17
- ControversyAndMe
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L. Andrew Marr wrote:
ControversyAndMe wrote:
I don't like how this is in the category of religion and beliefs, but I'd just tell her how you feel and that you'll forget it and let it pass if she's not at all interested. So, A basically.
Sorry, I published it in the wrong one by accident. It was completely unintentional.
thats fine, but as for your "problem", go with your heart and stop letting your head picture all the things that could go wrong, it's not even about getting the girl, it's about knowing you tried and didn't waste away a chance.
L. Andrew Marr wrote:
Paradise7 wrote:
KCC Big Country wrote:
A. I'm a risk-taker. Life's too short. Don't overthink it. It may work out better than you hoped. If, by chance, she freaks and runs, at least you found out now. But, from what you've said, she won't run, or if she does she won't run far.
This is good. Looks like the "A"'s have it, so far.
Bet you'll chicken out. Guys are weird about showing their feelings directly to the person concerned.We're deeper than people think.
Most of us have had one psycho b**ch in our lives who puts us off sharing our feelings.Not your mother I hope. Mine does, a little.
