My love life (Please help) - THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL
95- earnestshub
- 8785 posts
- Joined: 16 months ago
- Hubs: 66
- Followers: 616
Dame Scribe wrote:
It is ok to tell your friends you love them
start with that first.Great advice!
86- L. Andrew Marr
- 675 posts
- Joined: 6 months ago
- Hubs: 47
- Followers: 95
earnestshub wrote:
Dame Scribe wrote:
It is ok to tell your friends you love them
start with that first.Great advice!
Sorry, I just have to say this. Doesn't Earnest look like the sort of cool Uncle everyone wants to have?
AND he gives great advice.
Earnest fan club. (y)
=]
96- rebekahELLE
- 1829 posts
- Joined: 5 months ago
- Hubs: 21
- Followers: 202
hey Andrew, sounds like she is very comfortable with you being a friend right now and as someone who has been there, as well as many others here, the best love relationships begin with friendship. you never know...
you're giving her a bit of sanity and fun after her break up.
as far as the juveniles who posted the stuff about grammar school, you were the adult here, Andrew. and never feel like you have to explain yourself. you already had if people had read the entire thread.
cheerio, as you say
72- sneakorocksolid
- 3756 posts
- Joined: 7 months ago
- Hubs: 17
- Followers: 122
earnestshub wrote:
Dame Scribe wrote:
It is ok to tell your friends you love them
start with that first.Great advice!
I love you Earnest! How am I doing?
- 95
- earnestshub
- 8785 posts
- Joined: 16 months ago
- Hubs: 66
- Followers: 616
Colebabie wrote:
a) if she is a friend it will not be a risk on your relationship, you can put it in a way that she won't feel uncomfortable
Seconded.
88- Neil Sperling
- 126 posts
- Joined: 2 years ago
- Hubs: 12
- Followers: 632
L. Andrew Marr wrote:
My dearest hubbers,
This is kind of an embarrising thing for me to talk about. I make certain I do not inform my friends on my love life status as I do not trust them not to bugger things up for me (as they have done in the past) - I come to you because you do not know me personally.
That and you can offer better advice than teenagers who just think with their sexual organs.
I shall come presently to the issue in hand.
There is a girl I know; I met her about a year and a half ago when we became good friends. Over the past few months, however, we have grown closer and closer. I go to the boys grammar school and she goes to the girls one down the road - we meet up atleast three times a week. More if we can.
She has told me in the past, in general conversation, that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment as her last boyfriend cheated on her and broke her heart after a year and a half. I have told her that I want to focus on my studies and writing this year and that girlfriends are a complete drain on my bank account.
To fill in the whole situation - next year we'll be going to different universities.
NOW THE TRICKY BIT
I realised recently that I really like this girl. I can't get her off my mind. I genuinely think I am falling for her but I don't really know what to do.
If I tell her and she rejects me then the restult will be a damaged friendship which will break down over time and resort in awkwardness. At the moment we are best mates (a mutual feeling)and that is at high risk if she denies me.
If I tell her and she feels the same way then I still have the problem of it getting in the way of my studies/writing. There is also the university problem but that is ages away so that can wait.
WHAT SHOULD I DO HUBBERS?
Please give me advice as soon as possible. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow but we're going out to the cinema followed by the pub on Monday. I don't want to get drunk and then somehow find the courage to do something misguided.
So.
Should I:
a) Tell her and risk it all.
b) Not tell her and presume the feelings will pass.
c) Wait and see how the situation plays out.
Thank you for your help.
Luke.D) Enjoy the journey...... life is filled with unpredictable ends so why ponder about it a single second. Enjoy the time you share like the treasure it seems it is.
No amount of pre-thinking .... pre-planning.... nor any action you take (or don't take) will lead to an definite predetermined conclusion anyway so "Enjoy the journey"- 72
- sneakorocksolid
- 3756 posts
- Joined: 7 months ago
- Hubs: 17
- Followers: 122
How do you feel about farm animals? No mind games just lots of good sex and a little clean-up.
81- Dee Dee MonSherie
- 142 posts
- Joined: 2 months ago
- Hubs: 4
- Followers: 32
L. Andrew, You have been through a rough couple of days, but the outcome is really more positive than you might realize. Many people marry thier best friends, it is viewed as the best sitation because you don't just have an attraction, your have a bond, maybe a likemindedness that is lasting. Go slow, there is much maturation ahead for both of you and the days of study in University also holds other situations you are not expecting.
Enjoy your youth but never lose touch with her, the worst thing is if you 1) become too preoccupied when she seeks your attention, or 2) hover and be jealous as she is also learning about herself and other relationships while in University as well. Give more than you recieve and resist trying to control the relationship...if your final prize is to be a lasting relationship with this girl, always put her feeings and interests ahead of your own.
83- Jennifer D.
- 17 posts
- Joined: 2 months ago
- Hubs: 9
- Followers: 25
I know that the days have passed since your meeting with her, but if I could offer some advice: this happened to me once. My dear buddy told me that he was in love with me (or that he liked, liked me way more than I liked him). I decided to take the risk and we dated. When we broke up, we lost that friendship.
I would wait it out and let her develop feelings for you. It may not happen, but if you share a deep friendship then she will already feel attached and devoted to you.
Also, you are off to university soon. You will meet so many people there, that you may decide that a relationship with this girl isn't what you want. If after meeting and dating lots of women you find you still like this girl, then you will have the knowledge that she is indeed right for you.
Best of luck.
97- Lady_E
- 1589 posts
- Joined: 8 months ago
- Hubs: 82
- Followers: 512
A - You've both spent some more time together since then, so maybe her feelings have changed...
96- cosette
- 3065 posts
- Joined: 6 months ago
- Hubs: 126
- Followers: 512
L. Andrew Marr wrote:
My dearest hubbers,
This is kind of an embarrising thing for me to talk about. I make certain I do not inform my friends on my love life status as I do not trust them not to bugger things up for me (as they have done in the past) - I come to you because you do not know me personally.
That and you can offer better advice than teenagers who just think with their sexual organs.
I shall come presently to the issue in hand.
There is a girl I know; I met her about a year and a half ago when we became good friends. Over the past few months, however, we have grown closer and closer. I go to the boys grammar school and she goes to the girls one down the road - we meet up atleast three times a week. More if we can.
She has told me in the past, in general conversation, that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment as her last boyfriend cheated on her and broke her heart after a year and a half. I have told her that I want to focus on my studies and writing this year and that girlfriends are a complete drain on my bank account.
To fill in the whole situation - next year we'll be going to different universities.
NOW THE TRICKY BIT
I realised recently that I really like this girl. I can't get her off my mind. I genuinely think I am falling for her but I don't really know what to do.
If I tell her and she rejects me then the restult will be a damaged friendship which will break down over time and resort in awkwardness. At the moment we are best mates (a mutual feeling)and that is at high risk if she denies me.
If I tell her and she feels the same way then I still have the problem of it getting in the way of my studies/writing. There is also the university problem but that is ages away so that can wait.
WHAT SHOULD I DO HUBBERS?
Please give me advice as soon as possible. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow but we're going out to the cinema followed by the pub on Monday. I don't want to get drunk and then somehow find the courage to do something misguided.
So.
Should I:
a) Tell her and risk it all.
b) Not tell her and presume the feelings will pass.
c) Wait and see how the situation plays out.
Thank you for your help.
Luke.hello, you. first, you needn't justify yourself to rude posters on HP. understand that they are rude to others, not just you, so the best way to deal with comments like that is to just ignore them.
now, to answer your question, i would just ask myself, if it were me, what would i be most comfortable living without - her friendship or a romance with her.
then again, you will always be asking youself "should I have told her how I felt?". so, again, a comfort issue - could you live with the unknown? or taking it further still, see her fall for another and you never told you how you felt.
so just consider what everyone said and then after more deliberation and soul-searching, do what FEELS RIGHT for you. sorry that's all i can offer. good luck to you.
97- Nelle Hoxie
- 1899 posts
- Joined: 10 months ago
- Hubs: 262
- Followers: 522
I don't believe in playing games in relationships. So tell the truth and go for it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
When I met my husband. He sort of hinted he just wanted to be friends. I told him point blank that I had girlfriends and male lovers (one at a time, I do believ in monogamy.). That I don't believe that it's possible for men and women to be "just friends." He realized that in his words - "the train was leaving the station." And he decided to get on. But he could have just as easily walked away.
72- Revive@OwnRisk
- 82 posts
- Joined: 2 months ago
- Hubs: 4
- Followers: 28
cosette wrote:
L. Andrew Marr wrote:
My dearest hubbers,
This is kind of an embarrising thing for me to talk about. I make certain I do not inform my friends on my love life status as I do not trust them not to bugger things up for me (as they have done in the past) - I come to you because you do not know me personally.
That and you can offer better advice than teenagers who just think with their sexual organs.
I shall come presently to the issue in hand.
There is a girl I know; I met her about a year and a half ago when we became good friends. Over the past few months, however, we have grown closer and closer. I go to the boys grammar school and she goes to the girls one down the road - we meet up atleast three times a week. More if we can.
She has told me in the past, in general conversation, that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment as her last boyfriend cheated on her and broke her heart after a year and a half. I have told her that I want to focus on my studies and writing this year and that girlfriends are a complete drain on my bank account.
To fill in the whole situation - next year we'll be going to different universities.
NOW THE TRICKY BIT
I realised recently that I really like this girl. I can't get her off my mind. I genuinely think I am falling for her but I don't really know what to do.
If I tell her and she rejects me then the restult will be a damaged friendship which will break down over time and resort in awkwardness. At the moment we are best mates (a mutual feeling)and that is at high risk if she denies me.
If I tell her and she feels the same way then I still have the problem of it getting in the way of my studies/writing. There is also the university problem but that is ages away so that can wait.
WHAT SHOULD I DO HUBBERS?
Please give me advice as soon as possible. I'm having lunch with her tomorrow but we're going out to the cinema followed by the pub on Monday. I don't want to get drunk and then somehow find the courage to do something misguided.
So.
Should I:
a) Tell her and risk it all.
b) Not tell her and presume the feelings will pass.
c) Wait and see how the situation plays out.
Thank you for your help.
Luke.hello, you. first, you needn't justify yourself to rude posters on HP. understand that they are rude to others, not just you, so the best way to deal with comments like that is to just ignore them.
now, to answer your question, i would just ask myself, if it were me, what would i be most comfortable living without - her friendship or a romance with her.
then again, you will always be asking youself "should I have told her how I felt?". so, again, a comfort issue - could you live with the unknown? or taking it further still, see her fall for another and you never told you how you felt.
so just consider what everyone said and then after more deliberation and soul-searching, do what FEELS RIGHT for you. sorry that's all i can offer. good luck to you.I'm with cosette on this. Simple and straight forward.
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