What are NON-Religious strategies for coping with "the things you can't change"?

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   Billie Kelpinposted 11 years ago

   What are NON-Religious strategies for coping with "the things you can't change"?
   
   We all know the serenity prayer asking for the serenity to accept the things you can't change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  We can read volumes as to how to have the courage to change the things we can, but little on how to accept things you can't change.  What do YOU say to yourself, what do YOU do, to accept the things you can't change?  I'm specifically looking for NON-RELIGIOUS responses to this question - NOT understanding that God has a plan, NOT prayer, etc., etc. - just everyday  cognitive strategies.

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   Sherry Hewinsposted 11 years ago

   I think that really we have no choice but to accept the things we cannot change. Some things are hard to swallow at first, and you fight the good fight, but you can't just keep beating your head against the wall. No matter how harsh the reality, if you can't change it you will, eventually, have to accept it.

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      Billie Kelpinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sherry, thanks.  But HOW?  I think we do something in our heads to cope.  Religious people seem to feel "It's God's will."  "There's a reason for everything."  "I'll turn this into good."  (Opps, just think I found an answer in the latter sentence.)

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   TNT Huskyposted 11 years ago

   Keep close observation on the things you can. You also have to admit to yourself what you can't do, and what you don't do. I clarify my limitations, and this seems to allow me to accept what I can't change, and work around it. We, as sentient creatures, can do many different things. But we're still limited in many aspects

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      Billie Kelpinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks TNT.  The focus on the things you can change seems great.  It's all a matter of focus.

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   Faceless39posted 11 years ago

   I try to figure out what lesson/s I'm supposed to be learning from things that are happening to me.  Until you learn certain lessons, the same problems will keep repeating themselves until you "get it."  That's my outlook, and it fills me with a sense of purpose.  Every interaction is a learning experience..

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      Billie Kelpinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thinking about the lesson to be learned - great! I went to a site on finding your purpose and they had a great exercise that people might like - http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/0 … 0-minutes/

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   lone77starposted 11 years ago

   Practice humility. Practice taking your attention off of yourself and put it on helping others. Be generous and compassionate.
   
   Take 100% responsibility for the things that happen to you. When you do this, you can no longer be a victim. There is no longer the feeling of overwhelm from something you cannot change.
   
   This is non-religious, but it touches on the spiritual, because ego and the Homo sapiens body are incapable of doing the above. The true self, within, (the soul, child of God, Holy Spirit) "real" you, must do these things for the maximum benefit. This is you creating, instead of being "at effect."

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      Billie Kelpinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      What's odd is that once we go to the opposite extreme like saying it was all my fault even though it was not in the least, the resistence is gone. The energy of the hurt is taken away when we do that.   It's a bit of a slippery slope psychologically

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   residentstoneposted 10 years ago

   I've been through some terrible things in my life, and I just closely embrace them, accept them as a part of me and who I am, and with that knowing I can take almost anything the big, bad world can throw at me. And I say almost, because I'm a dad, and nobody wants the unthinkable to happen, but besides that, serve it up.
   
   I have a soft spot for kids in general, dont like seeing bad things happen to kids, I mean who does, that kinda stuff bums me.

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      Billie Kelpinposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks residentstone!  I just told my adult daughter yesterday to embrace a situation. Of course, I can't do it well! I have a hard time accepting that I'm "divorced."  I can type it, but not say it. I can only say "my husband left when I was  42."

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      residentstoneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Its not easy, but there comes a point, at least for me, when sh*t was so bad, it was either learn to accept it, or off yourself. And after you get to that point a few times in life, almost everything else is easy. These days I'm like teflon:0)

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      Billie Kelpinposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Residentstone, I love your humor!  Exactly right "It's either learn to accept it, or off yourself and I don't like the latter option. .  Here's to teflon toughness!

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   joyce31202posted 10 years ago

   I tend to forget about things I can't change. It usually comes after obsessing about  the problem or challenge. I find out the hard way I can't change them. When I don't want to be down in the dumps about such situations, and I recognize immediately  I can't change them, I will ignore them and live in peace. I will also adjust my attitude too. I won't live in obsession.

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      Billie Kelpinposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That takes a lot of mental strength! I think I've been in a country blues song cycle all my life Just asking questions on hubpages does help.  You realize like Louisa Mae Alcott says, "Life breaks everyone and many are strong in the broken places.

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