Unfortunately, you can't "save" a marriage if the other person is not willing to do the same.
If he refuses counseling, and is emotionally detached from your marriage, then it's rather pointless to chase after him. They call that "prezeling," and it will only make him run faster.
Take the high road, and find a good lawyer. I'm guessing that he is probably already cheating with some other woman (and probably it's become physical).
I had this happen to me, too, so I know where you're coming from. Remind yourself that you deserve better than to be treated with such disrespect for your vows to each other.