How do you trust your wife after she lies over and over and blames you for why s

1. 52

   williearlposted 11 years ago

   How do you trust your wife after she lies over and over and blames you for why she constantly lies

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2. 78

   cebutouristspotposted 11 years ago

   If you already suspect she lies then trust will never came.  Since you dont have any foundation for it.
   
   You should start for scratch and never bring up the pass

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3. 70

   billerickyposted 11 years ago

   It's always easier to blame someone else for their own weakness. I have a similar problem here. Putting up with it is difficult. Whilst they continue on this path then your life is spiraling downwards
   
   This type of trust will not be coming back. Maybe she has a mental issue, which is probably your fault. Or issues from previous partners, which is also possibly down to you. Self esteem maybe lacking on her behalf, which I believe is your doing.
   
   If it's a recent thing, try and point it out, but you have probably already done that to no avail. At the end of the day each person is different and it's your call as to what to do.
   
   Stay, leave, take a break, it is your life which is also being affected. Only you know what you can do. And either way it will be wrong and all your fault.

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4. 0

   supreme upbeatposted 11 years ago

   you must trust your wife after she lies over and over and blames you for why she constantly lies
   1.because if you do not believe you will surely summon trouble every time.
   2. we are optimistic and at each and every time we should hope,what we can do is only hope not better than that.You should wait and see what is happening in your wife's life.
   3. there are two types of human-one always wants to quarrel and other always hates quarreling.Thus you are the second type and your wife is the first.
   
   4.Besides some think themselves as the ruler and consider others as their servant  while others think themselves as the worshiper of mankind.
   
   5.  there is a proverb that    lie calls in lies meaning if you lies you must say lies and lies again and again to cover your first lie.So I think wife should be investigated properly and bring the reason behind her telling lies.I think she is telling lie to save you,it may be.give her courage to speak clearly before you ,i think she will tell you the truth.Your suspicion will be wiped out.

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5. 80

   Electro-Denizenposted 11 years ago

   Really it's a question of developing an attitude where you just don't mind if she's lying or not. Be calm, remain strong in yourself, go round your day being kind and not saying anything that might cause offense. Then the other person can come out of their shell, eventually, if that is to be. Really, you are you and she is her own person, and if there's a twisted and messy middle ground in existence, then it's important  not to add to the problem.

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6. 86

   Express10posted 11 years ago

   I wouldn't trust her unless she has a point. If you really cannot take bad news in stride and verbally or physically threaten or abuse her then that would be one thing. However, if this has not taken place the problem is totally on her. If I were you, I would be out of there if she didn't change. There is no reason to sentence yourself to her brand of emotional abuse and trust is extremely important.

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7. 81

   coleikerdposted 11 years ago

   Trust, once broken, is hard to attain again. You must feel like she will no longer break your trust, if you are to trust her. Some of this is on her, some on you.
   
   When we lie repeatedly and blame others, what we are typically doing is trying to justify our actions. Her blaming you is probably (based on my experience and study) her way of trying to justify her need to lie.
   
   Chronic liars typically lie without realizing they are lying at the time, or they lie and feel like they cannot help it. Dependent upon the individual. Lying is often a way to hide from something. Usually negative self image. My guess without knowing more is that she probably has low self worth. Not to be mistaken for low self esteem. Self worth is far more notorious as it is subconscious and harder to detect on our own and usually from trauma.
   
   The nature of the lies is important. Does she take a bite off the cheese block and then say it was you? Does she forget to do things and say you're to blame?
   Does she cheat and say it's your fault? All of these issues have different driving forces. Some simple, some, not so much. In all cases, there is probably a deeper insecurity behind it.
   
   If you want to be able to trust her, she probably has to stop lying. This is not something you can control. But you can influence it. If what she is lying about is also a problem (such as cheating), the two of you will have to find a way to both be happy. Talking it out to get to the source of th sincerely, without malice or frustration, and  it and not giving up on her while not accepting e problem is very important if there is to be trust. She may not even be aware of why she behaves the way she does. When we talk about this kind of problem we need to be careful to let go of blame. If we talk to those we love with blame in our own voice, it simply compounds the issue. She most likely will feel guilt, and react to that guilt by blaming you. When we let go of blame and avoid "you" statements, it opens the door to thinking about her actions without feeling like a terrible person.
   
   Her needs for certain feelings may not be met. She will need to communicate her needs to you, and you will need to help fulfil them. Again, you can only do your part. If she is not open to change, she will never change. I am confident that you can find the proper way to influence her to want to change. That means being very patient with her and relentless in finding a way. Study of NLP is the most efficient method I know of.

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   1. 81

      coleikerdposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I neglected to mention: If the options I listed are not possible, or you feel there is no longer reason to try. Leaving is all you have left.
      
      Good luck with your difficult situation.

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8. 90

   PurvisBobbi44posted 11 years ago

   Hypothetically speaking:
   1. If a woman lies to her husband it could be she is afraid of him or of a confutation.
   2. This could be a habit from childhood of protecting herself.
   3. If she does not want to talk about it and it is important to you--- approach her in a different manner.
   4. Be calm and kind in speaking---never accursing or demanding.
   5. Trust is a two-way street---can she trust you to listen without anger.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      She could also be lying because she's cheating on him or knows she has done something he would not approve of. Most lies are told for the benefit of the liar's best interests.

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9. 81

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   The only thing you can trust a liar to do is lie!
   Stop making this about her since you cannot (control) another person! You are responsible for your own happiness. Ask yourself this question: "Am I happy with the (choice) I made for a wife?"
   If the answer is "no" then you can do something about that!
   "There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have."

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10. 0

    samowhamoposted 11 years ago

    Well I am sorry to tell you this but you cant trust her. My father has had similar experiences with my mother. My mother is a drug addict and cheated on my father multiple times when they were married and she never changed no matter what we did no matter what help we got her eventually it just got to where she could not be trusted and she is still like this even now and she has never taken responsibility for her actions she always blames it on someone else even though this was all her doing.

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       Hoby38posted 9 years agoin reply to this

       I can understand your statement. I am trying hard with my wife to raise her above the lies, I forgave her cheating yet she continue to lie. I am now feeling that she will never change. It is a terrible feeling not to be able to trust your wife

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11. 60

    TB Bullockposted 9 years ago

    That sounds miserable man, if I were you I would get another one, in all honesty. That isn't healthy at all.

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12. 50

    MayviswithaVposted 9 years ago

    You can't, so you have to look inside yourself and figure out if you have what it takes to rise above it and be SMART about the situation. My husband is the exact same way but he lies for the dumbest reasons or no reason at all. It's mostly out of habit or a defense mechanism that they have learned to master. For the most part they don't like themselves when they lie to their spouses but they don't want to look bad in front of anyone so they will lie,lie,lie just to not look bad. My husband carries a "stone" around in his gut, or at least that's how I describe that horrible, ugly feeling he has when he knows he's doing something wrong.The more he lies and deceives me that heavier and larger the stone gets. I'm the opposite, I don't lie like he does and then try to cover the lie up. If he asks me something he will get the truth and he knows it. If you're the same way then when she looks at you and she's been lying, she sees someone good and snow white and that's why she blames you. She's trying to bring you down to her level and that's why she talks to you like that.

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13. 63

    1kmjsposted 9 years ago

    This is difficult, but most people lie for they are afraid of being rejected or looked upon as strange. If you really want to move forward with your wife, then try to help her to feel secure in who she is. Try to establish a bit of a safety net for her, let her know that you yearn to know of what makes her the person she is, and don't attack or judge her during this vital part of the "new" relationship. Good luck, be strong, and do all of your crying and yelling alone in the car.

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14. 60

    Isa Levineposted 9 years ago

    For me I could easily give Trust but once it's broken I don't think I can trust that person again. Have you ever asked her why she blames you for it? or maybe its just so she could put the blame on you, maybe she can't accept the fact that she's just a liar and wouldn't take the responsibility for her actions.

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15. 52

    peter565posted 9 years ago

    You should not trust her.  And should probably prepare divorce paper, divorce lawyer and other thing that give you the best outcome in a divorce, just in case.  If the time come, don't try to fix your marriage, just focus on getting the best result you could get, in the divorce

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16. 0

    Joshtheplumberposted 9 years ago

    People lie all the time. Strictly speaking, being in a body is lying. You're an everyday angel. Those you fear losing the most are the ones you will lie to the most. Give her no reason to fear abandonment.

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17. 60

    Kumari Valentineposted 8 years ago

    This sounds so hard. I suggest couple's therapy if your wife agrees as a neutral person can help tremendously. Imago therapy is a great therapy that allows understanding and dealing with problematic patterns in a way that helps people move forward.

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18. 67

    Mihnea Andreescuposted 8 years ago

    Well if she is a liar then you should talk her out of it.Try to explain her what she does wrong.Trusting her again will be hard but if she is willing to listen and to correct her behaviour then trust can be rebuilt.

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    Juno Smithposted 8 years ago

    Ok, you need to look into how you treated your wife before she lied. Did you force things? Did you pressure her? Did you abuse her verbally, emotionally, financially, physically?
    Because, sometimes, we force people to lie to us. They lie to have peace, to not hurt, to survive, etc…
    Now, I insist, I am not accusing you of anything, I am just asking you to look into your relationship history, how it started, what are the things you went through together or separately, that may be the key.
    I love the Truth, I tell the truth, almost lost my life, lost my career, family, friends even a home for the Truth. Sometimes, I do get tired of suffering for or of being honest… because I did deal with liars or people who would use any information against you!
    I hope you look into everything thoroughly and honestly in peace and find the way out of this situation.
    Love and peace.

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20. 84

    passionatelearnrposted 8 years ago

    such person is not worthy of trust,anymore.

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    tamarawilhiteposted 8 years ago

    If she is constantly lying, you cannot trust her to tell you the truth, or trust her period.
    And if she's blaming you for the lying, she'll blame you for anything else.
    This is not a healthy or constructive relationship.

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