I will be running for President of the United States of America in 2016!!
At first, I was reluctant to pursue the gig, but I can no longer decline the mounting pressure to throw my name onto the ballot. I do not seek or want power, but if it is to be thrust upon me, I must accept it for the good of the people (Incidentally, I usually don't like things that are thrust upon or inside me).
I will be running as an independent (I find the whole primary process to be tedious and time consuming.. and I have Hubs to write that must take priority). I will campaign (mostly via Adsense-infused email spam) on the following 5-pronged platform...
1) State-funded healthcare.. for everyone who 'opts in'
While Healthcare is a touchy subject, I figure those who do not want to 'opt in' will end up dying due to lack of care, leaving the rest of us to enjoy medical assistance as required.
2) Mandatory nudity for all attractive young ladies living in the warmer regions of the country.
I will introduce the "Bill Clinton visual assistance bill", and I am sure I will find enough pervs in Congress who will endorse it.
Free fudge for every man, woman, child and illegal immigrant.
4) Speaking of illegal immigration, I will solve that problem once and for all by invading and annexing Mexico. The result of this conquest will be that all Mexican citizens, living either in Mexico or the US, will automatically become Americans. thus ending the whole immigration debate once and for all.
5) To solve the problems with Islamic extremists, I will make the US an officially Islamic country, (My revolutionary version of Islam, however, will be exactly identical to Christianity (but please don't tell them that)).
In my journey to the White House (which I will be re-painting a light blue) I do face a small obstacle in that I am not a US citizen, let alone one that was born in the US. But I figure Obama got away with that, so why shouldn't I?
Finally, as you all know, modern campaigning requires money, and lots of it. I will be accepting all donations via PayPal, and encourage you all to donate until it hurts.... and I mean until it hurts A LOT.
as the first supporter.. you just got yourself a Cabinet Seat, General Paradigmsearch!
I have posted you Condoms.... 1000s of them....
To help you deal with the fact that you can no longer decline the mounting pressure!
I have a cell
phone in my pocket that's got nuthin to do. It could be your hotline to Moscow...or the naked ladies in the warm places.
It's about time someone with common sense ( and a hilarious sense of humor) runs for President....you got my vote, and about 10 others from some dead people whose names I found on a registry of voters in Florida..............
You've already got a high profile governor* already in the Greek Column. Or, er, who is a Greek column, according to Rush Limbaugh:
http://dailycaller.com/2012/10/31/limba … for-obama/
*From all appearances, Chris Christie will also appreciate your "fudge for all" pledge.
(People: interpret that however you're going to. However, I can assure you that my sole intent is to celebrate a strong pro-sweets platform).
when I was a younger, vibrant man, the ladies used to LOVE my Greek column....
now as an elderly-looking 41 year old married geezer, no one will rush to polish my lonely limbaugh
How about I make you Vice President?
..or even better, the President of Vices?
You sound like the only sane alternative for 2016-- that is unless BT Evilpants decides to run.
Oh good, now I can sell 'our' story to the newspapers for lots and lots of money!!!!!!!!
I plan a full disclosure ahead of time... take the wind out of the sails of the press...
plus, my sex tapes will GET me votes
Too late I've already sold a few exclusives and sent them the pictures - photoshop is so handy!
Love the manifesto,
will you be seriously annoying foreign politicians by siding with inept opposition? Or will you be roasting the old chestnut of 'special' relationships? Or even better, will you be taking the traditional perspective of 'What's Europe and who cares?'
well, i don't know about 'special relationships', but I plan to party with Silvio Berlusconi
Hmm, your heritage concerns me. Or are you a Greek only in name? You silly man-your avatar solidifies your birthright.
Other than that, GO, your platform screams democracy, as it should, so I'll be writing you in next Tues!
why you've won me over with the fudge! you have my 2016 vote
I have already inspired the youth of the nation!!
Don't forget the senior citizen vote GO - you can't afford to knock back the babyboomers! Equal opportunities and all!
I would have preferred Donny Osmond but you can't have everything!
Which states in the USA will be States of Undress because of the climate? Definitely Florida. Definitely not Nebraska. Where will you draw the line?
Will young ladies be able to say they are not attractive and therefore keep their clothes on?
Presumably Rush Limbaugh will be be appointed "Nudity Umpire" in return for supporting you from now to November 2016?
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