I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE...

1. 63

   Greek Oneposted 10 years ago

   I will be running for President of the United States of America in 2016!!
   
   At first, I was reluctant to pursue the gig, but I can no longer decline the mounting pressure to throw my name onto the ballot.  I do not seek or want power, but if it is to be thrust upon me, I must accept it for the good of the people (Incidentally, I usually don't like things that are thrust upon or inside me).
   
   I will be running as an independent (I find the whole primary process to be tedious and time consuming.. and I have Hubs to write that must take priority).  I will campaign (mostly via Adsense-infused email spam) on the following 5-pronged platform...
   
   1)  State-funded healthcare.. for everyone who 'opts in'
   While Healthcare is a touchy subject, I figure those who do not want to 'opt in' will end up dying due to lack of care, leaving the rest of us to enjoy medical assistance as required.
   
   2) Mandatory nudity for all attractive young ladies living in the warmer regions of the country.
   I will introduce the "Bill Clinton visual assistance bill", and I am sure I will find enough pervs in Congress who will endorse it.
   
   3) Fudge
   Free fudge for every man, woman, child and illegal immigrant.
   
   4) Speaking of illegal immigration, I will solve that problem once and for all by invading and annexing Mexico.  The result of this conquest will be that all Mexican citizens, living either in Mexico or the US, will automatically become Americans. thus ending the whole immigration debate once and for all.
   
   5) To solve the problems with Islamic extremists, I will make the US an officially Islamic country,  (My revolutionary version of Islam, however, will be exactly identical to Christianity (but please don't tell them that)).
   
   In my journey to the White House (which I will be re-painting a light blue) I do face a small obstacle in that I am not a US citizen, let alone one that was born in the US.  But I figure Obama got away with that, so why shouldn't I?
   
   Finally, as you all know, modern campaigning requires money, and lots of it.  I will be accepting all donations via PayPal, and encourage you all to donate until it hurts.... and I mean until it hurts A LOT.

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2. 61

   paradigmsearchposted 10 years ago

   
   This will have to do for now...

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3. 63

   Greek Oneposted 10 years ago

   as the first supporter.. you just got yourself a Cabinet Seat, General Paradigmsearch!

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4. 70

   Pearldiverposted 10 years ago

   I have posted you Condoms.... 1000s of them.... 
   
   To help you deal with the fact that you can no longer decline the mounting pressure! 

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   1. 57

      Humdrumconundrumposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      He'll never need them.

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   2. 63

      Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      thank you, new Secretary of Pearls

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5. 63

   Greek Oneposted 10 years ago

   never need them?
   
   What about at campaign rallies??
   
   

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6. 43

   wavegirl22posted 10 years ago

   You got my vote

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   1. 63

      Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I am well on my way to 'binders full of women'!!!!!

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7. 94

   cam8510posted 10 years ago

   I have a cell
   
   
   phone in my pocket that's got nuthin to do.  It could be your hotline to Moscow...or the naked ladies in the warm places.

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   1. 94

      cam8510posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Oh, and it has a broken screen.

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      1. 63

         Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         thank you.... and congrats on your new position as Secretary of Communications

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8. 80

   LuisEGonzalezposted 10 years ago

   It's about time someone with common sense ( and a hilarious sense of humor) runs for President....you got my vote, and about 10 others from some dead people whose names I found on a registry of voters in Florida..............

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   1. 63

      Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Dead people can count on me to cut their living expenses by 100% during my 4 year term!

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9. 80

   Mighty Momposted 10 years ago

   How wonderful!!
   You've already got a high profile governor* already in the Greek Column. Or, er, who is a Greek column, according to Rush Limbaugh:
   
   http://dailycaller.com/2012/10/31/limba … for-obama/
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   *From all appearances, Chris Christie will also appreciate your "fudge for all" pledge.
   (People: interpret that however you're going to. However, I can assure you that my sole intent is to celebrate a strong pro-sweets platform).

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   1. 63

      Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      when I was a younger, vibrant man,  the ladies used to LOVE my Greek column....
      
      now as an elderly-looking 41 year old married geezer, no one will rush to polish my lonely limbaugh

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      1. 61

         Hollie Thomasposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Have you considered advertising for young attractive interns??

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         1. 63

            Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            I will leave the nubile youth of America alone..
            
            less I get a heart attack entering their 'oval office'

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10. 43

    wavegirl22posted 10 years ago

    I'm not all that happy with just being a binder girl.

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    1. 63

       Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       How about I make you Vice President?
       
       ..or even better, the President of Vices?

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       1. 43

          wavegirl22posted 10 years agoin reply to this

          ok now you are talking my language

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          1. 63

             Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

             i had fully intended to put you on a pedestal...
             
             if only to look up your dress
             
             
             

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11. 80

    robie2posted 10 years ago

    You sound like the only sane alternative for 2016-- that is unless BT Evilpants decides to run.

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12. 86

    CMHypnoposted 10 years ago

    Oh good, now I can sell 'our' story to the newspapers for lots and lots of money!!!!!!!!

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    1. 63

       Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I plan a full disclosure ahead of time... take the wind out of the sails of the press...
       
       plus, my sex tapes will GET me votes
       
       

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       1. 86

          CMHypnoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Too late I've already sold a few exclusives and sent them the pictures - photoshop is so handy!

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          1. 63

             Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

             the ones with the cigar?

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             1. 86

                CMHypnoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                Oh is that what it was?

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                1. 63

                   Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                   well, people have tried to smoke it... but the burns from the matches really stung badly

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13. 0

    Kathryn LJposted 10 years ago

    Love the manifesto,
    
    will you be seriously annoying foreign politicians by siding with inept opposition?  Or will you be roasting the old chestnut of 'special' relationships?  Or even better, will you be taking the traditional perspective of 'What's Europe and who cares?'

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    1. 63

       Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       well, i don't know about 'special relationships', but I plan to party with Silvio Berlusconi

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       1. 86

          CMHypnoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Bunga bunga and footballers? You may have to party in prison lol!
          
          http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldne … trial.html

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       2. 0

          Kathryn LJposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          
          
          As you can see, he can't wait.

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14. 86

    CMHypnoposted 10 years ago

    Did you warn them not to inhale?

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    1. 63

       Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       no.. i conveniently forgot that part

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15. 75

    lorlie6posted 10 years ago

    Hmm, your heritage concerns me.  Or are you a Greek only in name?  You silly man-your avatar solidifies your birthright.
    Other than that, GO, your platform screams democracy, as it should, so I'll be writing you in next Tues!

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    1. 70

       Pearldiverposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Just be aware of his newly released policy on aliens... he appears to have 'deeply probed' the alien issue... perhaps in an attempt to get in first, before Obama and Romney try to use this issue to capture Ohio and PA! 

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16. 59

    themadimadimadiposted 10 years ago

    why you've won me over with the fudge! you have my 2016 vote

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    1. 63

       Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       see!
       
       I have already inspired the youth of the nation!!

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       1. 86

          CMHypnoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Don't forget the senior citizen vote GO - you can't afford to knock back the babyboomers! Equal opportunities and all! 

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          1. 63

             Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

             IF I AM ELECTED, I PROMISE THERE WILL BE FREE VIAGRA IN EVER MEDICINE CABINET!

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17. 69

    Charles Jamesposted 10 years ago

    I would have preferred Donny Osmond but you can't have everything!
    
    Which states in the USA will be States of Undress because of the climate? Definitely Florida. Definitely not Nebraska. Where will you draw the line?
    
    Will young ladies be able to say they are not attractive and therefore keep their clothes on?
    Presumably Rush Limbaugh will be be appointed "Nudity Umpire" in return for supporting you from now to November 2016?

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    1. 63

       Greek Oneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Which states in the USA will be States of Undress because of the climate?
       
       I will form a special Presidential committee to determine this issue.    The work will be long and hard, so to speak

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