New program?

1. 86

   Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years ago

   My sister sent me this one, I think it needs to be shared.
   
   
   INSTALLING A HUSBAND
   
   
   Dear Tech Support,
   
   Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
   
   In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
        Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
        NBA 5.0,
        NFL 3.0  and
       Golf Clubs 4.1.
   
   Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
   
   Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
   
   What can I do?
   
   Signed,
   
   Desperate
   
   
   DEAR DESPERATE,
   
   First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
   
   Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the  Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0  should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
   
   However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to  Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
   Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
   
   Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
   
   In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
   
   In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:
        Cooking 3.0 and
        Hot Lingerie 7.7.
   
   Good Luck !
   
   Tech Support

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2. 86

   Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years ago

   I find this so funny and think it would be a shame for you all to miss out on. So I shamelessly bring this to the top of the list again.
   regards Zsuzsy

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   1. 85

      Isabella Snowposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I love it, Zuz, very funny!

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3. 68

   RDHayesposted 14 years ago

   Being very blunt, I do not find this funny at all. It's evidence that allot of women want to change and mold a man into something he isn't. Then he gets to live a life of lies in order to keep the women happy.
   
   I honestly can't say that men overall, try and make drastic changes in women, it's usually the reverse.

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   1. 78

      StefanMDPposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Install:  Sense Of Humor 0.1
      
      

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      1. 86

         Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Stephan I agree that would be a good program to add

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   2. 86

      Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry if this touched a nerve...I guess everything is better with a large helping of humor

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4. 68

   RDHayesposted 14 years ago

   Is there a program for men to install for women called Unconditional Acceptance Platinum version 3.9?

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5. 67

   Julie-Ann Amosposted 14 years ago

   I just cut straight to the chase and installed Lover 1.0 which came without the need for a maintenance contract.  Unfortunately, it didn't come in English, but did have 5 languages (with English being one) and it fortunately has a built in intelligent communication package that meant the English got better with practise, although the sound is still a little strange to unfamiliar users.  It includes Unconditional Love, Total Acceptance, Tolerance when Enebriated and a Best Friend option. 
   
   I toyed with the idea of just buying Boyfriend, but it seemed a lot of effort and fiddling around to install, plus the probable eventual need to upgrade or reinstall, so I (rather impulsively for some) went straight for Lover 1.0.  Day One it arrived I took it out of the box, opened a bottle of wine to celebrate and see me through the install, and I haven't been parted from it since.
   
   I'm thinking of upgrading to a spouse subscription later this year, now I've tried it out and know I love the program.
   
   The Husband program is fine if installed properly.  Unfortunately, for dummies who install it hoping it will be a panacea for their own lack of skill and expertise, it will of course be unable to meet their ever-more demanding needs over time.  But they deserve what they get, judging by the level of bitching about a perfectly adequate product which let's remember, THEY selected in the first place. 
   
   In fact, it does seem to have a rather infectious associated bitching virus that can activate many different variants when installed, if the user doesn't know how to handle the software - not only making the user's life apparently hell, but infecting all their friends and contacts with moaning and griping too. 
   
   In my opinion.

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   1. 86

      Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Glad to hear that your choices were the right ones Julie-Ann and also that the Lover 1.0 has an upgrade built in.

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6. 63

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   Wow! That was a nice addition Julie-Ann
   
   If I wouldn't have already installed a Perfect Wife 2.0, I would definitely think about installing your version

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   1. 61

      Bucroposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I tried installing Perfect Wife 2.0, but the system crashed and I had to downgrade.  Luckily I uninstalled Gold Digging 3.5 and Whining 9.7 and replaced it with Go Make a Sandwich 4.5 and Mute 4.0.

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7. 67

   Julie-Ann Amosposted 14 years ago

   Bet you weren't brave enough to permanently install it Day One!  Bet you did a trial period first...

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8. 63

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   Oh sure, I took my time to make sure everything works as advertised

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9. 0

   SirDentposted 14 years ago

   Pro 17:22  A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
   
   I enjoyed it.

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   1. 86

      Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It's all just in the name of fun.

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10. 68

    RDHayesposted 14 years ago

    Yeah, actually it kinda hit a nerve, I apologize for coming off harsh. = )

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    1. 86

       Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       No big deal...its all in the name of fun only

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11. 88

    gamergirlposted 14 years ago

    Some time ago, probably around a decade or so, I was given and installed a trial version of I Like Girls Too, and I can't seem to get it out of my system.  This has resulted in, after upgrading from Cheater 6.0 to Perfect Man 1.0, a series of errors in my Girlfriends.DLL files.
    
    I've since deleted all occurrances of Girlfriends.DLL and no longer receive the WantsToWatch~1.exe errors from Perfect Man 1.0.

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12. 61

    sinnersystems.composted 14 years ago

    Sometimes an upgrade is far worse than the old stable version of a program. For instance; my program Wife 1.0 ran without the use of much memory, but when I upgraded to version 2.0 it was a much smarter version and used more memory. I think Wife 2.0 came with a keylogger because everyone knows what I do now. Version 2.0 was so much smarter that I swear it even knew what I was thinking. So, be sure that the new version is what you really want, BEFORE installing it.

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13. 58

    shashigaiposted 14 years ago

    

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14. 71

    Laila Rajaratnamposted 14 years ago

    Zsuzsy, LOL..LOL..I enjoyed this, so so very much! Thanks everyone here ,for all those hilarious add-ons..LOL!

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15. 59

    countrywomenposted 14 years ago

    I am waiting for the beta release 1.0 to be certified and then would go for the RTM version soon.

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16. 68

    RDHayesposted 14 years ago

    I think the hardest program to remove from men is the multiple instances of Girl-Friend 3.2. This allows a guy to effectively have more then 1 girl friend at any given time. It's very pesky because it re-installs over and over again once you've deleted! LOL

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    1. 59

       countrywomenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Then you have to go for clean install which will wipe out the previous version completely (upgrades won't do)

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       1. 68

          RDHayesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          You mean, go to the command prompt and enter delete: c ? Then do a complete re-install?

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17. 61

    Bucroposted 14 years ago

    XD this is too much lol

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18. 86

    Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years ago

    Sinnersystems.com
    ".......be sure that the new version is what you really want, BEFORE installing it." that important to remember that for sure.

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