I threw away my razors!

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   SarahMichelleposted 16 years ago

   I'm excited - on Monday, at the end of a very long bikeride, I unloaded all of my razors into a dumpster about two miles from my house. Sound weird? I am (hopefully was:)) a cutter.
   
   I have been sharing some of my experiences with this kind of stuff and my journey of healing in my hubs so I thought I'd share some good news.  You have all been very kind and encouraging.  The way I write is kind of unusual, specifically when I write about my health issues and sometimes I am worried about what others will think and feel very out of place with what I am trying to share.  This is hasn't been an easy thing for me but a postive thing.
   
   Anyway, my razors were something I could physically get rid of and I have.  Don't think it was easy and sometimes I desperately want them back.  If I wanted them back, I would have to go to dumpster diving (I planned it that way:))  SO thanks for all your support guys and for reading my stuff!

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      MissJamieDposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      This is one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life! Sounds like you're a tad bit like I am, because I HAVE to make sure that there's no way for me to go back, once I've made a decision. I don't cut and never have, but my life in general has made me un-trusting of myself and others. As long as I make things difficult for myself in the future, it's a pretty safe bet that I can get over it.
      
      Congratulations on being such a strong woman! I'm going to read some of your hubs now, I'm sorry I hadn't heard of you prior to now, but I noticed that you said you've been sharing your life in your hubs. We all appreciate honesty from each other in life, and in hubs, so thank you for being genuine and strong! If you weren't strong, you wouldn't have talked about it no matter what. You said that you're always worried about what other people think...I too suffered that way nearly my entire life. I just turned 33 and it took me until I was 32 1/2 to realize that other people (strangers and nay-sayers) have no place in our lives anyway. What they say and think doesn't matter.
      
      I wish you the best sweetie:)

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   Everyday Miraclesposted 16 years ago

   Good for you! This is the first that I'm reading any of your hubs (because I had never heard of you, sorry), but I used to be a self-harmer too (different ways though) and I know just how big a step this is!
   
   Keep it up!

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   SarahMichelleposted 16 years ago

   Thank you thank you thank you.  I'm glad you "used" to be...not "are".  Thanks so much for reading.  You have no ideas how much it means to me!

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   Kelsey Tallisposted 16 years ago

   SarahMichelle,
   Good job and good luck with your continuing efforts to heal yourself! I wish you all the best. It takes a lot of bravery to be honest about things that are that personal. I admire anyone who can not only face their inner demons but address them openly and reach out to others as well. :-)
   
   Peace & Love,
   Kelsey

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   SarahMichelleposted 16 years ago

   Thank you.  I don't feel very brave but this journey of sharing has been a great one for me to start down.  I haven't cut since last Sunday (the night before I threw out the razors).  5 days.  Sometimes very long days.  I just pray it will be worth it.
   
   Thanks so much for reading.

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   Colebabieposted 16 years ago

   SarahMichelle,
   I'm am so happy about your newfound strength and courage. My roommate was a cutter and I know how strong the battle was for her. Keep up the good work. I promise you it will pay off in the end. If you ever need someone I am here. I wish you the best.
   
   Colebabie

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   SarahMichelleposted 16 years ago

   Colebabie - all I can say is thanks!

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   SarahMichelleposted 16 years ago

   maybe I'll write a hub. Not sure how to do it though or how "informational" it would be.  Aww well.  We shall see. 
   
   I am just overwhelmed by the support I feel though.  I never imagined it.  THanks.

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   cindyvineposted 16 years ago

   Hey, great start, don't buy more, we're here with you, YOU CAN DO IT!

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    Choke Franticposted 16 years ago

    I'm so happy that you were able to find the strength to complete such a hard task. I wish you luck for the future.

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    SarahMichelleposted 16 years ago

    Jamie - yeah I knew if I just put them somewhere around here, I'd go back and get them.  Being honest about this is great.  I have grown up in a "don't ask don't tell" environment and while that may work for some, it hasn't for me.  Some of my closest relatives don't know about a lot of this and never will so I am grateful for the chance...
    
    Cindy - well, I thought about that, too, and the temptation has been there but I haven't.  I've tried to quit before and it hasnt worked so I'm pretending those where the last sharp objects left in the world:)  It's nice to know people are on my side:)
    
    Frantic - thanks.  thanks fore reading.

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    SarahMichelleposted 16 years ago

    almost 7 days.  oh my gosh.  will have to go to bed soon.  this post may be more for my own benefit...ignore if its annoying.

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