Important information!

1. 86

   Zsuzsy Beeposted 15 years ago

   A bit of a chuckle to endure this Friday... the weekend is just around the corner, honest.
   
   This was sent to me by a friend who also happens to be a good Doctor. I always thought...
   
   
   
   Q: Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
   A: Your  heart is only good for so many  beats, and that's it...  don't waste them on exercise.
   Everything wears out  eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend  the life of your car by driving it faster. 
   Want to live longer?  Take a  nap. 
   
   
   Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and  eat more fruits and  vegetables?
   A: You  must grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?   Hay and corn. And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak  is nothing more  than an efficient mechanism of  delivering vegetables to your  system. Beef is also a good source of field grass(green leafy vegetable)      Need grain?   Eat  chicken.   
        And a pork chop can  give you  100% of your recommended daily allowance of  vegetable  products.
   
   
   Q: Should  I reduce my  alcohol intake? 
   A:  No,  not at all.  Wine is made from  fruit.  Brandy is  distilled wine, that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you  get even more of the goodness that  way.   Beer is also made out  of grain.  Bottoms   up!
   
   
   Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat   ratio?
   A: Well,  if you have a body and you have  fat, your ratio is one  to one.  If you have two bodies, your  ratio is two to  one, etc.
   
   
   Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular  exercise  program?
   A: Can't  think of a single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No  Pain...Good!
   
            
   Q:  Aren't  fried  foods bad for you? 
   A:  YOU'RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! .....  Foods are fried these days in  vegetable oil.  In fact,  they're permeated in it.  How could  getting more  vegetables be bad for  you? 
   
            
   Q:  Will  sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little soft  around  the middle?
   A: Definitely  not! When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.  You  should only be  doing sit-ups if you want a bigger   stomach. 
   
            
   Q:  Is   chocolate bad for me? 
   A:  Are   you crazy? HELLO   Cocoa  beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good   food around!
   
          
   Q:  Is   swimming good for your figure? 
   A:  If   swimming is good for  your figure,  explain whales to  me.
   
            
   Q:  Is getting   in-shape important for my   lifestyle? 
   A:  Hey!  'Round' is  a shape! 
   
   
   Well,   I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may  have had about  food  and diets.
   
   And  remember:
   
   'Life should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with the intention of  arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but rather  to skid in sideways -
   Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in  the other -
   body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and   
   screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride'
   
      
   
   AND.....
   
   For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final  word on nutrition and health.
   It's a relief to know the  truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies. 
   
   1. The Japanese eat  very little fat
          and suffer  fewer heart attacks than  Americans.
   
   2. The Mexicans  eat a lot of  fat
          and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.
   
   3. The Chinese  drink very little  red wine
          and  suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.
   
   4. The  Italians drink a lot of red  wine
          and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans. 
   
   5. The Germans  drink a lot of beers and eat lots of  sausages and fats 
          and suffer fewer heart attacks than   Americans.
   
   CONCLUSION
   
   Eat and drink what you like.
   Speaking  English is apparently what kills  you.

   replyreport
   1. 37

      Balineseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      weldone !   lol

      replyreport
   2. 75

      Eaglekiwiposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Love it

      replyreport
2. 60

   tantrumposted 15 years ago

   Agreeing 100 %

   replyreport
3. 48

   badcompany99posted 15 years ago

   Lol really enjoyed the end bit, nice one !

   replyreport
4. 73

   earnestshubposted 15 years ago

   Wow I'm doomed! How about I switch to my usual forum gibberish?

   replyreport
5. 0

   dennisemattposted 15 years ago

   HAHHAAHAH!!!   that was great.

   replyreport
6. 60

   B.T. Evilpantsposted 15 years ago

   Woohoo! I'm going back on the onion ring and chili dog diet!

   replyreport
7. 73

   earnestshubposted 15 years ago

   I love the doc, man after my own heart!

   replyreport
8. 86

   Zsuzsy Beeposted 15 years ago

   I think this will be an easy to follow life change...

   replyreport
   1. 73

      earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I had a MCDOG dinner in the car!

      replyreport
9. 86

   Zsuzsy Beeposted 15 years ago

   Earnest, I think the MCDOG dinner fits in well with the good doctors ideas...all vegetable based food items:)

   replyreport
   1. 73

      earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Their new chicken wrap! The coffee was OK too!

      replyreport
10. 60

    Jane@CMposted 15 years ago

    
    
    Thanks for the laugh this morning!
    
    I wonder where pop tarts fit in? hmmm

    replyreport
11. 86

    Zsuzsy Beeposted 15 years ago

    Jane, I would assume that pop-tarts would fit in under fruit and vegetable...everyway the filling is fruit, the crust made out of flour which is a grain etc...
    Ohhhhh yeah I'm getting the hang of this

    replyreport
12. 68

    Ultimate Hubberposted 15 years ago

    lol!
    
    Where do you get this extremely funny from?
    I have read one before too from you.

    replyreport
    1. 86

       Zsuzsy Beeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Ultimate Hubber, my kids and friends know me for my wacky sense of humor so they're forever sending me stuff that they know I will get a chuckle from and then I share it here with you. I believe we can never laugh enough...life is just toooo problematic and we all need to lighten up.
       glad you liked it too
       regards Zsuzsy

       replyreport
13. 52

    wrenfrost56posted 15 years ago

    LOL!! That was so funny, brilliant, thanks for sharing that it really made me laugh!

    replyreport
14. 81

    k@riposted 15 years ago

    Thanks for the wonderful laugh!

    replyreport
15. 61

    Luciendaskyposted 15 years ago

    Seriously the best thing I have read in a while....
    
    Go explain whales to me...

    replyreport
16. 68

    trish1048posted 15 years ago

    I LOVE the swimming one!  LOL LOL

    replyreport