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  1. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
    Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years ago

    A bit of a chuckle to endure this Friday... the weekend is just around the corner, honest.

    This was sent to me by a friend who also happens to be a good Doctor. I always thought...



    Q: Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Your  heart is only good for so many  beats, and that's it...  don't waste them on exercise.
    Everything wears out  eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend  the life of your car by driving it faster. 
    Want to live longer?  Take a  nap. 


    Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and  eat more fruits and  vegetables?
    A: You  must grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?   Hay and corn. And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak  is nothing more  than an efficient mechanism of  delivering vegetables to your  system. Beef is also a good source of field grass(green leafy vegetable)      Need grain?   Eat  chicken.   
         And a pork chop can  give you  100% of your recommended daily allowance of  vegetable  products.


    Q: Should  I reduce my  alcohol intake? 
    A:  No,  not at all.  Wine is made from  fruit.  Brandy is  distilled wine, that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you  get even more of the goodness that  way.   Beer is also made out  of grain.  Bottoms   up!


    Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat   ratio?
    A: Well,  if you have a body and you have  fat, your ratio is one  to one.  If you have two bodies, your  ratio is two to  one, etc.


    Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular  exercise  program?
    A: Can't  think of a single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No  Pain...Good!

             
    Q:  Aren't  fried  foods bad for you? 
    A:  YOU'RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! .....  Foods are fried these days in  vegetable oil.  In fact,  they're permeated in it.  How could  getting more  vegetables be bad for  you? 

             
    Q:  Will  sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little soft  around  the middle?
    A: Definitely  not! When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.  You  should only be  doing sit-ups if you want a bigger   stomach. 

             
    Q:  Is   chocolate bad for me? 
    A:  Are   you crazy? HELLO   Cocoa  beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good   food around!

           
    Q:  Is   swimming good for your figure? 
    A:  If   swimming is good for  your figure,  explain whales to  me.

             
    Q:  Is getting   in-shape important for my   lifestyle? 
    A:  Hey!  'Round' is  a shape! 


    Well,   I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may  have had about  food  and diets.

    And  remember:

    'Life should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with the intention of  arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but rather  to skid in sideways -
    Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in  the other -
    body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and   
    screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride'

       

    AND.....

    For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final  word on nutrition and health.
    It's a relief to know the  truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies. 

    1. The Japanese eat  very little fat
           and suffer  fewer heart attacks than  Americans.

    2. The Mexicans  eat a lot of  fat
           and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.

    3. The Chinese  drink very little  red wine
           and  suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.

    4. The  Italians drink a lot of red  wine
           and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans. 

    5. The Germans  drink a lot of beers and eat lots of  sausages and fats 
           and suffer fewer heart attacks than   Americans.

    CONCLUSION

    Eat and drink what you like.
    Speaking  English is apparently what kills  you.

    1. Balinese profile image39
      Balineseposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      weldone !   lol

    2. Eaglekiwi profile image77
      Eaglekiwiposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Love it lol

  2. tantrum profile image60
    tantrumposted 9 years ago

    lol lol lol Agreeing 100 %

  3. profile image49
    badcompany99posted 9 years ago

    Lol really enjoyed the end bit, nice one !

  4. earnestshub profile image88
    earnestshubposted 9 years ago

    Wow I'm doomed! How about I switch to my usual forum gibberish? smile

  5. profile image0
    dennisemattposted 9 years ago

    HAHHAAHAH!!! lol  that was great.

  6. B.T. Evilpants profile image59
    B.T. Evilpantsposted 9 years ago

    Woohoo! I'm going back on the onion ring and chili dog diet!

  7. earnestshub profile image88
    earnestshubposted 9 years ago

    I love the doc, man after my own heart! smile

  8. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
    Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years ago

    I think this will be an easy to follow life change...

    1. earnestshub profile image88
      earnestshubposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I had a MCDOG dinner in the car! smile

  9. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
    Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years ago

    Earnest, I think the MCDOG dinner fits in well with the good doctors ideas...all vegetable based food items:)

    1. earnestshub profile image88
      earnestshubposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Their new chicken wrap! The coffee was OK too!

  10. Jane@CM profile image60
    Jane@CMposted 9 years ago

    big_smile big_smile big_smile

    Thanks for the laugh this morning!

    I wonder where pop tarts fit in? hmmm

  11. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
    Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years ago

    Jane, I would assume that pop-tarts would fit in under fruit and vegetable...everyway the filling is fruit, the crust made out of flour which is a grain etc...
    Ohhhhh yeah I'm getting the hang of this http://img246.imageshack.us/img246/6415/danceuk9.gif

  12. Ultimate Hubber profile image63
    Ultimate Hubberposted 9 years ago

    lol!

    Where do you get this extremely funny from?
    I have read one before too from you.

    1. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
      Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Ultimate Hubber, my kids and friends know me for my wacky sense of humor so they're forever sending me stuff that they know I will get a chuckle from and then I share it here with you. I believe we can never laugh enough...life is just toooo problematic and we all need to lighten up.
      glad you liked it too
      regards Zsuzsy

  13. wrenfrost56 profile image78
    wrenfrost56posted 9 years ago

    LOL!! That was so funny, brilliant, thanks for sharing that it really made me laugh!

  14. k@ri profile image89
    k@riposted 9 years ago

    Thanks for the wonderful laugh!

  15. Luciendasky profile image67
    Luciendaskyposted 9 years ago

    Seriously the best thing I have read in a while....

    Go explain whales to me...

  16. trish1048 profile image73
    trish1048posted 9 years ago

    I LOVE the swimming one!  LOL LOL

 
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