Help me, please!

1. 0

   Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

   What would you tell someone who is about to commit suicide?
   It's me that I'm talking about.

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      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I would say, dont do it.
      wether you belive it or not, people love you.
      I love you.
      I would miss you. I know its "only hubpages" but...dont go?
      Dont be emabarssed, say whats on your mind. Get it of your chest....please? would you do it for me?

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         Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         It's about a girl I love.
         I thought we were born to live our lives together.
         It seems I was wrong... or I wasn't, I just messed things up.
         I don't deserve her anyway.

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            Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

            oh. what did you do? Im not judging..."deserve" is irrelevant. trust me on that one...

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            thranaxposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Killing yourself over a girl is stupid man. I felt like doing the same thing when my girl wanted to leave. If I did i would be gone years ago.
            
            Life goes on, what I did was find a game to play, and hung out with my guy friends till I was better.
            
            ~thranax~

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               cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               i have been in love before and thought my world ended when he ended it...but i went on and am SO GLAD i did. your life is worth everything, you see that don't you? you're so young...you have so many things to do yet and discover. please pick up your phone and call the authorities and tell them how you feel. don't go through this alone.
               
               and we do care. i feel like crying. we all care or we wouldn't be here now.

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                  Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  cosette, please don't cry. You are wonderful. You are helping me.

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      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Why don't you tell us what's wrong.? I'm sure we can help !

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         Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I've been loving a girl for two years, but I was stupid and didn't dare to approach her. Now, she has a new boyfriend. A guy with whom I can't compete.
         
         But you know what happened when I found out. I had a shock and panic. I thought I was gonna die. I even passed out. I wanted to die.

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            Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

            panic. its not good. you are friends with her still?

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            cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Oh Pacal...i have had those...you do feel awful like you could die...i understand how that feels. try to believe that what you are feeling is temporary...

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      starme77posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      ...Don't

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      creativeone59posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I don't whether or not if you believe in God and Jesus Christ. Baby I want you to know that there isn't suppose to be anything so bad that God can't help you out of, I almost lost some of the five children that I have, but by the grace of God, he saved them for me. Jesus loves you and he want you to know that you are an original design, a one of a kind and if you die he want another to replace you. you are the only one that he has. when Jesus died on the cross; it was for us to have eternal life and if you kill your self, it will mean that Jesus died in vain. you taking your life would be a slap in his face. I want you to understand one thing: If you kill your self what will happen to all your loved ones that love you so dearly, you would leave them in back here in terrible turmoil, because they would probably fault themselves for your death.  Would you want some one to live with that kind of guilt. I promise you if you can put a side some time and just pray and get in touch with Jesus, tell him how much you need him and ask him to come into your life and change you into a new human being, I promise e]you will have such a loving and blessed relationship with god and Jesus, that you will never even speak about suicide or even think about it again, because you will a new being in Christ and no will be able to take that from you. if you ever need to talk I'm here, let me be your sounding board. God loves you and I do too,and I don't even know you yet. there a bright future for you ... choose life over death, don't give Satan the pleasure. If you need to contact me.  Creativeone59 - Faye

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   cosetteposted 14 years ago

   call someone right away, or call a suicide prevention hotline:
   
   http://suicidehotlines.com/
   
   call me i will talk to you.

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   thranaxposted 14 years ago

   Whatever you think is bad isn't, I used to be like that once in my life, after those dark days its been the brightest sunshine ever since.
   
   ~thranax~

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      prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      yes I agree with thranax, you have only one life too..just hang on, you can also call me, talk to a trusted person, your mom, dont be alone, think of the things that happened to you which made you smile, hope is everything and it is free..

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   cosetteposted 14 years ago

   don't do it. you don't want to do that. you posted it here. that means you want to talk....

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   thranaxposted 14 years ago

   Why not tell us whats wrong, and we will see if we can help you with your trouble. After all, it can never hurt.
   
   ~thranax~

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   zampanoposted 14 years ago

   go out. See people.
   go out !
   Get drunk.
   Everything will be different tomorrow.
   Remember :
   Everything will be different tomorrow.

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   cosetteposted 14 years ago

   that would be good. go out...walk around where people are...it is a very bad very black feeling but it is just a feeling...it will pass.
   
   please!

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Whatever you do.....DO NOT DRINK ANY kind of Alcohol. If you drink and your depressed, as you seem to be- it will only make matters worse.
      
      DO talk to someone, if you are seriously considering suicide as an option.
      
      You have put out the message you're thinking about and no one deserves to go that route.
      
      What's made you feel that way?
      
      What reason is there for taking your life?
      
      Suicide is not a rational action, because it destroys human-life. How ever, with that said- you've gotten many offers to talk.....take up one or two of them.
      
      Don't sit here waiting for more responses....get up off your ass and pick up the phone and CALL SOMEONE!
      
      It doesn't matter who....just DO IT!

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   thranaxposted 14 years ago

   Hopefully your taking all this time to write whats wrong, because if you don't even tell that, we can't calibration, and if we can't do that your going on misinformation, and if you don't you might have a missed life.
   
   ~thranax~

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   Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

   Sweetie...if you are online keep talking, please. I've been there, I know what its like.
   
   I don't know where you are but find a number for FIRST CALL FOR HELP or a local suicide line...you NEED To TALK TO SOMEONE NOW, PLEASE!

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    Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

    yes, I want to talk
    but these feelings won't pass
    the thing that causes them won't go away

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       Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       hey. dont want to put it out there on a forum? you can email me
       I know a thing or to about stuff that doesnt go away
       talking can help....
       or call that hotline from cosette
       you might be surprised
       My computer crashes regularly, so if you dont hear from me after this messagee, please believe, I am a "real" person. I care. You really can email me...I will write back ASAP
       dont give up.

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    Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

    thank you very much for the website
    I found two hungarian numbers there
    it's not about cheap feelings
    my life has changed today and it is not worth anything now ((((

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       Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       feelings are never cheap
       what happened today?

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    cosetteposted 14 years ago

    Pacal, this link has suicide prevention hotlines for each state.
    
    http://suicidehotlines.com/
    
    or if you want to talk here please do so. we can help you get through this if that is ok.

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       thank you cosette
       I found two numbers there
       I just can't call, because I'm so confused and disoriented
       I've just passed out you know

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          Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

          passing out is ok for a time.
          giving up complety is not the answer.

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          Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I've been through this more than once. The first thing to know is that your feelings are real, and we are all so sorry you are going through this. It's horrible. But the lies that your mind tells you about your worthlessness, about you having no future, are just that: lies. They are a deception. Here you are our friend. We care. You have become a part of this community, and we would suffer if you went away for any reason.
          
          Suicidal feelings are about the ultimate selfishness, really. It's a pretense that by "offing" yourself, that you will somehow feel better by ending it all. But that's the lie. It doesn't end. No matter if you believe in an after life or not, you leave behind victims which you choose to punish by hurting them in return for the hurt they have brought you.
          
          Are you sure this is the way you want to be remembered?
          
          Pacal, please don't buy into the lies and deceptions of your mind. Right now your feelings are real, but your thinking is not very rational. You need to be able to bring the two in alignment in order to feel some peace. There are people and crisis lines that can help this.
          
          In doing a quick search, this is about the only link I could find that might help.
          http://www.befrienders.org/helplines/he … c2=Hungary
          
          Sending strongest, best brotherly thoughts.

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             Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Thanks, Daniel. You are right as always. I left that line in because it's sort of funny. But of course true.

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                Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                Oh, my friend, I don't know that I'm right. I just know what I've lived through. Misdiagnosis of mental illness because of toxic relationships since birth, two failed marriages and even another failed relationship that I haven't talked about here. I've been in mourning for 10 months, Pacal. But I know that giving in to "ending it" is a lie. There is something better, and I'm curious to know what and when that will be. I'm no longer the victim. There are difficult days, but I do keep trying to go forward. There is good in this life. Difficulty always, but also good.
                
                I know what this is like, but I do not know what your own unique feelings are like. However, I feel empathy for the severity of what you are going through.

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                   Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   One thing I know is that everyone experiences extremes of hardship in life. I know everyone is knocked down at some point and I see them standing up. It's just that it is the first time it happens to me. And I didn't know it feels like this...

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                      Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      It sucks, big time, huh. It's like you got flushed down the toilet of life.
                      
                      Zsuzy is so right. I think if we all told our stories in this thread it would be one very long crying spell. But I think there would be some laughs in it as well.
                      
                      The reason we want to commit suicide is because we believe we have run out of options. Our plan failed. We invested heavily and it didn't work, and now we don't know what to do. I've had to learn that "Plan B can be wonderful." The only way to know what Plan B is, is to just sit still. You have to let the waves of grief wash over you till they're gone. It's tough. It's not fun. You think you're going to die from it, and then you're afraid you're not going to die after all. It's a mess.
                      
                      Then when your heart allows your head to clear out, it's like looking through the window at a rain-washed morning. The colors are brighter because everything was washed clean and the light exaggerates the details. It's as beautiful as it is painful, really.
                      
                      This is experience is gift, really. Doesn't feel like it. If you get through it, if you let it be what it is, in time, you begin to accept that you learned something from it and could move forward into a better life, because now you know things you didn't know before. You're wiser. You're a little more prepared.

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                         Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         I got this from frogdropping too when I asked her if it is really true that adversities strengthen us and she said that no they scar us, but make us more prepared.
                         
                         Too many times in my life I've witnessed the bad effect that Hollywood movies have on people in terms of distorting our perception. They tell stories in which someone loses a loved one and his life becomes bitter until it ends. It's an exaggeration, I hope.

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                            Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                            Pacal, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world or Hollywood thinks. It's only what *you* make of it that counts. Drawing conclusions from other people who have decided to be bitter and jaded doesn't bring hope to a hopeless world. It's just up to us to decide if we want positive change for ourselves.

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                            wyanjenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                            You see that in movies because it makes a good story. That's all.
                            Just give yourself time. Be careful not to let this feeling get comfortable for you though. Bitterness is what is left of a person who has not been able to cope.
                            
                            Take care

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    Aya Katzposted 14 years ago

    Pocal Votan, are you in Hungary?

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       yes

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    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    Stay on line with us and dial the number, PLEASE.

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    Aya Katzposted 14 years ago

    Have you taken something? A drug?

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    ngurecoposted 14 years ago

    I am praying for you. Talk to a doctor now.

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    QuirkyPearlposted 14 years ago

    I came to post a question myself and saw your cry for help.
    
    I would say talk/type... even though these are Hubber/Cyber people they care enough to write and answer your plea. Stop for a moment to listen, and feel the genuine warmth and reaching out to you from, Cosette, Thranax, Zampano, Prettydarkhorse, Jane and Justine...
    
    Stay for a while, let them help you to a different moment.
    
    You may just be surprised at how much love and caring is waiting for you, even in cyber space.

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    Aya Katzposted 14 years ago

    Please seek medical help where you are, if you need it!

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    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    Keep talking to us.

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    Justine76posted 14 years ago

    You guys, does anybody here know him in "real life?" this is kinda scaring me....
    Pacal, please dont leave us!!!!

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    Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

    How do you want us to help you ?

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I don't want you to help me, because it would be hard to say anything. I just needed someone to listen. Either typing or jumping from the roof. I'm trying to calm down.

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          Jane@CMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Okay, then type.  What calms you down?  Good music? Do whatever it is that would normally calm you down.

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    Aya Katzposted 14 years ago

    It's not worth dying over.

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    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    We care for you and we want you to stick around.  Have you called the numbers yet?

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    thranaxposted 14 years ago

    Did you actually tell her you love her? Or did you lose her because you didn't say it?
    
    ~thranax~

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I didn't say it, and I don't know if I lost her because of that.

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          thranaxposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Its what happened with the man who was with my gf's mother. He was afraid to say he loved her and basically knows he lost her. You can't do that to girls, never to be afraid to love no matter how big your muscles are.
          
          I made a similar mistake when I was young, and learned form it and now like I said, best days of my life.
          
          ~thranax~

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          Jane@CMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Its okay that you didn't say it.  And you said she just got a boyfriend, maybe it won't last long.  Are you two friends already?

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             Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             We are friends I think. I am somewhere near a 3rd rate friend.
             To tell the truth, once I called her out for dinner and she refused.

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                Jane@CMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                Okay, so you are friends, so you can continue seeing her in a social aspect.  You're feelings are valid, your life is valid.

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                   Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   I will talk about it to her. I will ask her if we are friends and if she would meet me now and then. I won't tell her what happens if she says no, because that would be emotional blackmail.

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    Justine76posted 14 years ago

    as hard as it is to believe, there is more then one right person for you. there is also the right time and all. You have no idea what is in store for tomorrow. It can only get better.

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    QuirkyPearlposted 14 years ago

    I'm listening

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    Aya Katzposted 14 years ago

    Your love is valid. Your feelings are valid. Whether or not they are returned. But your self worth does not depend on another person's feelings.

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I didn't take any drugs. It's not about my self worth. But what am I doing still here in this life. The gates are shut and I can't see anything else.

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          cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          i hear you saying that you feel hopeless, and i know you feel you don't want to go on, but things will get better.
          
          if you want to call someone in your area, here is some information:
          
          
          Hungary Suicide Hotlines
          
          ----------------------------------------------------------------
          
          T.E.S. Miskolc
          Vorosmarty u.38
          Fsz.1
          Neurology & Toxicology Department
          H3530
          MISKOLC
          Contact by: - Phone  - Letter:  - E-mail:
          Hotline: (46) 323 888
          Hours:
              Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun: 00:00 - 23:00
          
          SOS Telefon Lelkisegely Alapitvany
          Kossuth L. sgt. 42. 6720
          SZEGED
          Hotline: (62) 420 111
          Website: pharereg.hu
          E-mail Helpline: sostelefon@deltav.hu
          24 Hour service
          
          
          
          us hubbers are still here of course and not going anywhere.

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             Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Thank you again. I found this page. In truth I'd rather talk to whoever talks back to me here. I trust hubbers more than a voice on the phone.

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                cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                ok.
                
                it will be there if you need it.
                
                i'm listening.
                
                so is everyone else.

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    Justine76posted 14 years ago

    Pacal, Im not supposed to say..but its me..dennisematt and rednckwmn...
    I have to go now, for a bit....
    I want to talk to you more tomorrow. I have been thru some awful bad stuff these past few months, huppages and a few really good hubbers..y'all know who you are..helped me. Hang in there? ok? listen to them, MOSTLY keep talking. It will get better...you will be amazed at how many people have been thru simalar things. please dont go anywhere, I want to log on tomorrow and see your avitar...making fun of alter egos and their lost dogs.....

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you. I'm glad you are here.

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    Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

    It seems like all the good hours we spent together meant nothing.
    She stared into my eyes and I thought it was the beginning, but I turned out to be wrong.

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       thranaxposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Girls are almost like that ad on tv that asks:
       
       "If Mr.Goodwreach was a tool, what tool would he be?"
       
       Guy: "A wrench..."
       
       "Sorry, no- we were looking for Miter saw."
       
       ~thranax~

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    Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years ago

    Pacal, do you have any family near by?

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       yes, but for what...

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    Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years ago

    To talk to and to get a giant bear-sized hug from.
    You do not need to tell what your problems are about to them just go and see them. Sweety you mean so much to everyone, do not leave them with emptyness.

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you, Zsuzsy. I did so. I talked to them without telling them. It's still so unreal to me. the dreams of two years shattered in an instant.
       Thank you for telling me the best reason to stay alive.
       
       btw, my mother is called Zsuzsi too.

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          Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          If you need a Mom to talk to, you can email me anytime. I have fabulous ears that can listen. I'm sending you the biggest Mom hug right now. Can you feel it? Now lets talk about how we, you, me and all of the other hubbers here can get you out of this mood you're in.

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             Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Such a terrific bunch here, and what a wonderful offer Zsuzy. I just love the people of this community. So, SO many of you are just such sublime human beings. Just want you all to know that.
             
             
             Stick with us, Pacal. It can be so much better.

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    Aya Katzposted 14 years ago

    Pacal, let's review the situation. You love her. That much is real. She may or may not love you. Yesterday you did not know if she did or not. Today, you still do not know. The only thing that has changed is that she officially "has a boyfriend." So what? Does this prove anything about her feelings? And if it did, in what way should it affect yours? You don't love her just because you hope for reciprocation, do you? Don't you love her simply for who she is?

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I do love her for who she is!!! That's why it is so hard to bear.
       Aya, she is not an average 'she', but a very serious person. She doen't do things she doesn't want to do. I know her. If she is with that guy, she loves that guy.
       Other than this, everything you wrote is correct.

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    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    Okay, we are here.
    
    Do me a favor.  Sit down, take in a real deep breath slowly and hold it for 5 seconds and then blow it out slowly.  Do this five more times.  Just think about the breath going in and out of your body.  This will help clear your mind. Then just keep breathing and focus on the forum and your breath.

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    Aya Katzposted 14 years ago

    She may have serious reasons for being with that guy. This in itself does not prove that she does not love you. Think how hurt she would be if something happened to you. If you love her, hang in there. Be there in case she needs you. And be there for yourself, too!

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I will be there for a while, Aya. And she if she does. Thanks. See if she lets me be around her at all.

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          Aya Katzposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Pacal, good. Give it time.

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    Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

    Thank you everybody for offering your help! You are very kind and considerate people, that's why I came here.
    
    I know it's impossible to understand a situation that someone knows little about. Yet you gave me some hope that some day it will be over. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but for now I am at peace (no this is a lie, but I am a little calmed). Thank you again.

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       cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       we'll be here...

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    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    Calmed is good, we are here if you need to keep talking.

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    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    I'm sending a virtual Mom hug too!

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       cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       me three!
       
       my bunny too
       

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    QuirkyPearlposted 14 years ago

    Im still here, but Im happy to see you talking and in safe hands, with all these momma hugs and beautiful sincere people, like Justine I am looking forward to seeing your avatar tomorrow, Goodnight Pacal... Be safe, lots of love Quirkypearl

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    prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago

    oh please, just keep on sharing whats in your mind, keep busy, do you have soembody there with you, everybody is giving you a hug now..

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    Mrvoodooposted 14 years ago

    Hey Pacal, it's the worst feeling in the world I know, nothing in this world hurts like a broken heart hurts.  When my first serious girlfriend left me my head was where yours is now, I wanted to vanish completely, and end it all.  But I didn't, and you won't either, you'll feel rotten to the core for a long long time, and wonder what you're living for, but then you'll meet your light, the one who will make you look back upon where you're at right at this moment, and be thankful you made the decision to struggle on through this pain, and trust me my friend, that day will come.
    
    My second serious relationship came and finished in turn, leaving me heart-broken again, but what I've learned from it all is that you can not possess another, all you can do is be thankful for the time you shared, and try to take some happiness from the fact that they're now happy, even if their future no longer includes you, and wait for the next angel to capture your heart.
    
    This world is set to test you and beat you, there are a million things at work right now from accidents and diseases plotting to bring about your demise, don't help them.  I've seen your future (in a roundabout fashion) and you're going to want to stick around for it (trust me) good times are gonna come.

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I started this thread in the hopes that answers like this would come. I'm receiving love from many and wisdom from others.
       
       Thank you, MrVoodoo. One of the things I felt when I met this girl was happiness for all the mistakes I had previously made, because were it not for them I would never have met her. I hope I will have this feeling again in another context in another time.

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          Mrvoodooposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I've no doubt that you've made mistakes, I've made plenty, but stick around with the rest of us and you'll get the chance to make many more.
          
          But like you just said yourself you wouldn't have met her if it wasn't for those mistakes, and who knows what will happen next.  The good times you'll have my friend, you wouldn't even believe me if I told you, and they're just around the corner, trust me.
          
          Stick around, I'd hate to be the only broken-hearted hubber here at HP.

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             Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Lol, I'm glad you are here.

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                Mrvoodooposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                That feelings mutual Pacal, it sure is a crazy world we live in, and us humans are pretty fucking weird right?  I'm now that person you fear to become, the one devoid of emotion and surrounded by protective shields, but I know in my heart that one day somebody is gonna come along and swat away those shields like flies, and then I'll begin that crazy roller-coaster ride all over again.
                
                And you will too.

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                   Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   Devoid of emotions, but not devoid of love. You give it away in your comments and hubs. Remember your favourite quote.

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                      wyanjenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      hear hear!

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                      Mrvoodooposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      Well remembered my friend, and that quote applies to you too.
                      
                      ‘I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you’
                      
                      You are the first thing somebody thinks of when they wake each morning, and the last thing they think of before they sleep, even though you don't know it yet.

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                   Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   you guys, you know I love you both so much? right? sorry I was gone for a few days
                   Pacal, I haven't heard from you. I hope you are ok-ish..as ok as you can be...
                   the hardest person to forgive is yourself.
                   Walls get built, hard times hurt. You CAN live thru them, they do get better. You honestly have no idea what will happen tomorrow. You are cabable of so much love, give yoursefl tiem to heal, live yourlife, you will find someone new. And you wont be afraid to tell her. I would give you the biggest hug, and make you your favourite comfort food, Pacal, if I could. Write me nayitem if you want. M computer is slow, but dont get discouraged, I am reading.

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       prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       well said, just remember always that you are blessed, somewhere out there, somebody depends on you, and for your parents, sister or whatever you mean a lot to them, it is not the end of the rope, close your eyes and take a deep breath, relax and just keep on communicating with us....tight hugs again.....

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       Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       May it be so for all of us. Thanks for this, voodoo.

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    Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

    Thank you for all the hugs. Now I feel hugged by many.

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       cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       you are!
       
       and those are real, encouraging feelings behind them.

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       Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Sweety, life goes on, believe me it will get better. The walls might feel as if they're caving in but they're not. I promise you I know what I'm talking about.

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          Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Zsuzsy, I believe you. What choice do I have. And if I feel this rotten for another five years, what then... at least I'm living a real life.

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             Jane@CMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Pacal, I tried it once, I was in 8th grade.  I'm now 47, mother of two amazing teens and wife to a man of over 20 years.  I've been in the hospital several times for day treatment...it gets better, I know it does.  Yep, you might feel this way for today, that is why we are here, that is why there are help lines.  You will get through it!

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                Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                Jane, tell me something. This is what I fear the most. I feel like I'm dying within, that I would become someone devoid of emotions to save me from being hurt again. Do you think I will stay being me?

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                   Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   I'm chiming here, I know, but it's easy to become jaded. That's not healing. Healing is allowing who you really are, after all the layers of hurt, guilt, illness and everything else, come out in the light. We let people see glimpses of that--of our true selves--but not all the time. It's a process.
                   
                   It's up to you whether or not you become disalusioned and jaded. I have days where I'm very angry about life, but thankfully, they are less and less, and I keep trying to stay in touch with who I know I really am. Tough work.
                   
                   I've learned that instead of searching for the perfect love, I need to become that love for myself first, and as I do, that person will appear at the right time. I've seen it happen over and over. I think one of the reasons none of my relationships haven't lasted is because I needed to learn so many things from so many people. Become what you seek. That's what I'm learning about myself.

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                      Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      Thanks. Another good reminder for me. These are being very helpful. And thanks for trying to help through your own experience.

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    wsp2469posted 14 years ago

    Honestly?  You really do NOT want to kill yourself.  If you truly wanted to kill yourself you would NOT have posted this "cry for help" here in the forum.

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I do not. But if I hadn't posted it or if noone had answered I would have done so.

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          Jane@CMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          And don't ever stop reaching out for help.

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       Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Sometimes the obvious isnt always so
       
       Ya know what ,rocket science aint even safe..

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    wyanjenposted 14 years ago

    Pacal: Allow yourself some time to cope with this, and heal. Let yourself grieve.
    
    However, if you find you cannot bounce back, please see a doctor. A suicidal feeling is not something to take lightly.
    
    If you find yourself wondering whether you need help, just go on ahead and look for some. Let a doctor decide for you, if you're not sure yourself.
    Trust me my friend.
    
    You will be smiling again

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       So much talk about doctors. The girl I'm talking about is a doctor. So I will definitely see at least one doctor about this.
       
       Thanks for your caring thoughts.

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          Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          That's funny! A sweet irony.
          
          My friend, I have to be off line for a while because I'm headed home from work, must run errands, etc., but I'll check back as soon as I can.
          
          I feel a little encouraged talking to you, even for myself!! You're bringing goodness to a lot of us and we are lucky to have you here with us.
          
          Ciao for a bit.

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             Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             The same goes for you.
             Ciao, Daniel. And Thank you.

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    Don Wposted 14 years ago

    Pacal,
    
    You've achieved the impossible. A thread where everyone is united!
    
    United in our desire for you to stay. You CAN'T go. The hubbers have spoken.
    
    And I feel proud to call myself a human being after seeing the messages of love and support displayed here. Wow, we humans are amazing creatures!
    
    I hope all the love helps bring the smile back to your face Pacal.

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       This is really amazing. But I expected this. I think I have faith in human kind.

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    Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years ago

    I've been at the other end, I was the one left behind to mop up the hurt and the feelings of guilt. They have been with me overshadowing my life since Christmas 1991. They are still after all these years trying to squash me. Pacal you say your Moms name is Zsuzsi, the same as mine (anyone with that name has got to be a great lady) You cannot honestly believe that your life means nothing...it means so much to your Mom, whom would she love and care for if you were not there?
    Now here are a few questions for you. You do not have to answer them to us here just think about them if you want....
    What makes you think that the young lady in question isn't going to be able to fall for you next month, next year... Or maybe that there isn't a fabulous girl, your soul-mate going to walk into your life next week. You have to be there to experience all the ups and downs of your crazy world. It will not be your crazy world if you're not in it....

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       Pacal Votanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I don't know what makes me think with this headache at all. You are right again, all I want is to find my soul-mate.

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          Zsuzsy Beeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I'm not sure you ever read my profile but I've not found my soul-mate, I thought I did twice, I was hurt so deeply both times that I wasn't sure I could ever recoup but what kept me alive was that I was able to contribute maybe only in a small way but how do I know that one of my three children won't find the cure for cancer or one of them might save the life of one single person  in the future. If I didn't go on I would not have two beautiful fabulous granddaughters who again could safe the whole fricken world. Sweety, you could very well be the future Dad of the President of Europe, if you're not there???????? You and each of us are all worth mega tons...never forget that
          
          many squeeshy mom-hugs to you my dear Sleep is a good cure for what aches you.
          Sleep tight dear

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    Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

    I'm going to bed. Thank you everyone!!!
    
    It's raining tonight, I hope tomorrow will bring a rainbow.

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       Mrvoodooposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Good night Pacal, sleep well, if tomorrow doesn't, the day after will, take it easy dude.

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    donotfearposted 14 years ago

    Pacal, know that you are very muched loved and cherished. The feelings you are experiencing won't always hurt so bad. I promise you. Suicide is permanent, problems are temporary. I deal with individuals with the same thoughts you have on a daily basis. It is my profession as a crisis assessor. Please email me thru Hubpages at any time and I will try my best to respond as quickly as possible. You are a very precious and wonderful human being who has much to do in this life. You are blessed.

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    terenceyap07posted 14 years ago

    Feelings are not a part of us.
    
    Feelings are like the wind: they come and they go.
    
    When the feeling of sadness comes, it influences the way we think.
    
    Feelings can only influence us. Feelings cannot control us.
    
    Wait for the feelings to go.
    
    Do nothing.
    
    When the feelings are gone, you'll be okay again.
    
    Trust me.

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    archdawposted 14 years ago

    I wrote you a email. So sorry that I did not see this thread two days ago when you wrote it.

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    Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

    Thank you, all of you!
    
    I'm kind of OK now. I have to work hard to occupy my mind with all kinds of positive thoughts, because if tarry for one conscious moment the feeling of desperation would come back.
    
    Love you all.

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       emievilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Hey Pacal, I just caught this thread last night. Glad to see you're okay. There are lots of hubbers here who are rooting for you so please stay strong. And stay well! *hugz*

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       Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       any time your feeling low, come back here and read all the good stuff. How are you today? I am trying to write to you but my emial is quite slow, so HI!!

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       Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       you still here?
       hope your day is good. I read your other post and your new hub and all...
       even tho I only see you thru a computer screen, I know your a real human, you live. laugh. love and cry. I hope you are well, and I really hope my email works again soon!!!!!!

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