I'd like feedback on my article: How To Avoid Anaesthetise Your Readers

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   kiran khannasposted 3 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: How To Avoid Anaesthetise Your Readers

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      bhattucposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I could not find it. Showing error 404.

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      AliciaCposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I'm getting a 404 error, too. I went to your profile to see if I could find the article and saw that the summary said that you were going to give people tips to tighten up their writing. I can't give you any suggestions for improving the article because I can't see it, but if you're going to give advice to writers it's very important that the title is grammatically correct. "How to Avoid Anaesthetising Your Readers" might be a suitable title for the content.

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   3. 83

      GwennyOhposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      There are multiple grammatical errors, beginning with the title. AliciaC offered a suggestion as one way to correct it. Also, your bio is written from two perspectives, second person, then one. To be more correct the second part should say something like, "He is fascinated by how personal skills..."
      
      You said: "You never want your readers to sleep and use your writing a perfect symphony to induce sleep, and neither you want them to get into the delta brain waves frequency."
      
      I'll offer a suggestion on how to improve it, but will stop with just the one, as you really need to finds a way to deal with grammatical errors.
      
      One suggestion of how that could be written is "You don't want your writing to be a perfect symphony to induce sleep for your readers."  --I omitted the part about delta frequency, as here it seems redundant given that it relates to being brought to a state relative to sleep.

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   Jodahposted 3 years ago

   Overall your English needs to be improved. You miss out words here and there.  Maybe you should consider downloading Grammarly or another grammar checker.

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   kiran khannasposted 3 years ago

   Hi Jodah - This is run through Grammerly Primium Version. Help me where is the specific concern.

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      theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      "You never want your readers to sleep and use your writing a perfect symphony to induce sleep, and neither you want them to get into the delta brain waves frequency."
      
      "As a writer, you don't want to your readers to fall asleep because your writing is dull and soporific."
      
      I'd say 'a perfect symphony', as a metaphor, means really good writing and the opposite to what you mean. Also be careful of tautology - saying the same thing twice.
      
      Another example of tautology: It does not have to be that way – whether in conversation or your writing blogs for your readers.".
      
      Writing a blog post already suggests someone will be reading it.
      
      So do your best to simplify, "It does not have to be that way–whether you're in conversation or writing blog posts."
      
      Your examples of good writing are hard to understand. For instance, it's not clear that this is an example. It's a random paragraph after a quote, "Many students don’t need memories; instead, write perhaps you don’t want memories."
      
      It's not punctuated correctly. You would say, after introducing it as an example:
      
      "Instead of writing, 'Many students don't need memories', address your reader directly: 'Perhaps you don't want memories?'"
      
      You need to use quotation (speech) marks when you are giving examples. It's a strange example and I'm sure you could come up with something better. Why would someone not want memories? And why students?
      
      This sentence is not right at all, "I always almost avoid sounds passive."
      
      The problem is that English is nuanced and, while you can get away with errors in general topics, when writing about writing, it must be perfect. Most native English speakers/writers would shy away from writing an article about grammar because it's so easy to get it wrong and lose credibility. I think you are attempting something that you aren't quite ready for.
      
      My suggestion is that you put this one aside for now and find another topic. You can always return to it later.
      
      Edit: You can't promote your website, so you need to delete the link at the end.

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4. 71

   kiran khannasposted 3 years ago

   I completely agree with you and will make a better piece next time.

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5. 71

   kiran khannasposted 3 years ago

   Thank you. GwennyOh. Well, i kept this article out, but now made a last attempt if it passes through. I am perfectly okay, if it still has gaps and not fit to pass through.Thanks

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   1. 83

      GwennyOhposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Good luck, Kiran

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