Feedback on blood magick article

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  1. GwennyOh profile image93
    GwennyOhposted 6 weeks ago

    I rewrote this according to my interpretation of HP tips on how to write a good article, then submitted it to Exemplore. The response was so non helpful that I am now thinking that LHP (dark magick) content doesn't work here and am thinking it may be time to pull some stuff. I am waiting until they send the assessment to know more better whether that's the actual problem or not. Meanwhile, please tell me if you see why this article was declined.

    Looking over how they like things titled, I see that I could have been more creative there.

    Ack. I don't really think it's anything to do with the content at this point. This is why I am asking you. Does it suck? Does it need extensive editing to be of value to Exemplore? Or is that how they say that my views are not compatible with theirs?

    By the way, on the declining email all that was said is that extensive rewriting would be required, and that their editor has a backlog so they can't tell me more. Very, very disappointing.

    To HP staff: this is terrible, to tell me that my piece is declined, and to send the decline and tell me to wait to know why. I feel like I have been trashed, or purposefully slapped in the face.

    https://discover.hubpages.com/religion- … her-Things

    1. GwennyOh profile image93
      GwennyOhposted 6 weeks ago

      I went over it again and noticed one thing--that explanation for the most powerful amplification method is poorly placed, which seems to destroy the value of the whole article. Placing it in an introduction would dilute the power of it, is all I can think of. I mean, it's placed right up front, but cannot be further discussed due to its nature. Just saying, offer opinions if you like.

    2. Beth Eaglescliffe profile image98
      Beth Eaglescliffeposted 6 weeks ago

      "The email said that extensive rewriting would be required"

      I don't think the topic is the problem. If it were, then adverts would have been disabled, and they're not. So you need to concentrate on style. big_smile

      I see you've linked to some articles already on Exemplore and they're good role models. They do the following (and your article does not);

      1. The first paragraph gets straight to the topic of the title.
      You could delete your first paragraph completely as it talks about what you are not going to write about, rather than what you are. Your second paragraph is much more on topic, and far more engaging. You need to grab the reader in your first few lines.

      2. The reader is not sent away to read other articles.
      It's fine to refer to other authors, but by including live links you're encouraging the reader to click away and leave the page.

      3. Stay on topic throughout.
      For example, the bit about sigils may be interesting, but is it strictly relevant? Keep asking yourself whether what you are writing relates back to the title. If not, save it for another article.

      P.S I like the detailed explanations you give under each photo.

    3. AliciaC profile image98
      AliciaCposted 6 weeks ago

      Hi. I think one problem in the article is your approach to blood. Not until the second text capsule do you say that the blood can be artificial. You say that real blood is best but don’t give enough safety tips for obtaining and using it or procedures for preventing infection. I like the sections about fake blood, but I think the ones about real blood are problematic.

      You might want to look at double colon and semicolon use in your title and subtitles as well.

     
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