How Can I Improve This to Get it on a Niche Site?

1. 73

   Diana Grantposted 4 years ago

   https://discover.hubpages.com/literatur … bout-Birds
   I submitted it to Owlocation but they said it needed some amendments. I would be grateful for any advice.

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   1. 60

      OldRosesposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      I don't understand the placement of the dictionary in the middle of the article.  It interrupts the flow and is very distracting.
      
      My opinion is that the dictionary, the poll and the video have nothing to do with the topic of your article and should be eliminated.

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      1. 73

         Diana Grantposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks OldRoses, I've now removed the dictionary. I'll try and find a more relevant video.  But we are always advised by HubPages to add a poll.  What does everyone think?

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2. 80

   Johann Fischbauerposted 4 years ago

   I had written a long answer to this but it's gone. So frustrating!
   
   Short version, just my 2 cents:
   - Use Grammarly and Hemingway. Get rid of capital letters in words like Then and Five
   - Reduce the usage of the format with the vertical line on the left-hand side
   - Try to find a more motivating title to make readers more curious about the contents. Give them a reason to read it. E.g., are the proverbs fun? Interesting, fascinating, intriguing,...? Something that normally goes unnoticed or that people are not aware of? Then you might say it.
   - Maybe try to get to the point (the actual list) even more quickly. Not sure about this one though.

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   1. 73

      Diana Grantposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Johann - sorry to learn that you lost the long answer and pleased you tried again! 
      - I didn't know much about Grammarly and never heard of Hemingway, but I've now looked them up. I do a bit of proof reading for my own family, one of whom writes legal dissertations and the other charity website work, as I was a secretary for law firms, doctors and TV before obtaining a law degree as a mature student.
      - Not sure what you mean by "Get rid of capital letters in words like Then and Five" as I couldn't find any of them in my article.
      - I've removed the vertical line format on LHS - I had formatted using HTML block quote, so although in my edit it showed up as an indented block, once it was published it showed on Hubpages with a line - weird.
      - I've added the word "Useful" to the title. Is that OK?

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      1. 80

         Johann Fischbauerposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Hi Diana,
         I'm certainly not an authority when it comes to English writing, but:
         
         "...we still like to eat birds such as chickens, geese, turkeys, ducks and pheasant, There is a pheasant shooting season, and shooting these birds out of season would be much frowned upon."
         
         There's a sentence that ends with a comma, followed by a capitalized "There" (not Then... you are right).
         
         Further down, there's "Fifty Pounds", maybe you have a reason to capitalize it, but to me it looks odd...

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         1. 73

            Diana Grantposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks, I've now fixed the full stop - you've got eyes like a hawk!
            
            I've changed it to £50 and £400 instead of using words.  I did think about it when originally typing it, and wasn't sure how best to write it, bearing in mind I typed dollars, dinars, pesos, rupees or what-have-you, so thought the English money should be in words too

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3. 91

   AliciaCposted 4 years ago

   Hi, Diana. Here are some other changes that you might want to consider.
   
   I don‘t think that the dictionary that you are trying to sell is a really good match for an article about proverbs. Your article is about English sayings, but the dictionary is for Americans. At the very least, I think you should be more specific about why you are trying to sell the dictionary. Many people probably have a dictionary at home or on an electronic device, and online dictionaries also exist. Does the particular dictionary that you are advertising have advantages that other versions lack with respect to English proverbs and sayings? If not, I think the capsule should be removed. If it does have advantages, you should go into more detail in the description.
   
   Another point to consider is that the person reviewing your article might have disliked the promotion of your website in the “To Hawk Your Wares” section.
   
   An additional point to note is that the caption under the second photo says that the birds are ducks, but they are actually geese.

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   1. 73

      Diana Grantposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks AliciaC, I have now removed the dictionary, on your advice.
      
      I'll remove the promotion hawking my wares, even though it was somewhat apposite!
      
      I've also reworded the ducks to read "geese" - thanks for that.

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4. 89

   Miebakagh57posted 4 years ago

   I think Johann has aptly put it well to you, except for the last point.
   
   As for promoting a dictionary, you should not do that unless you're an affiliate with Amazon?
   
   Alicia has advice against that, and you should in your best interest remove such.
   
   Your APA or AMA? style of title or sub-heading is not consistent. That's a point against you. You should be compiled with Hubpages standards.
   
   In spite of all this, you present the writing the way a schoolgirl presents a composition. Why not get a little journalism into it? I've visited your other stories on your database, and everything is okay, but not here.
   
   Just work on our above suggestion to improve the article.
   
   Good luck and good success!

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   1. 73

      Diana Grantposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Miebakagh57.  Thanks for your comments.
      I have now dealt with some of the points you mention.  I have no idea what you mean APA or AMA style  As far as I am aware I have complied with Hubpage standards, even using American double dashes--instead of dash - which is the English way, which of course I prefer, being English myself and therefor used to writing in English.
      I don't quite understand what you mean about getting a little journalism into it - please could you expand on this.

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      1. 91

         AliciaCposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         I expect Miebakagh will explain what he means, but I suspect that he's referring to another point that I noticed. There's not much writing in some of the numbered sections. I don't know whether this is a problem with respect to getting the article switched to Owlcation, but if you can think of suitable points to add that are related to the theme of each capsule, it would probably be good to do so.

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5. 76

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 4 years ago

   Hi, Diana.
   One very small point "to hawk your wares" has nothing to do with birds, it comes from an old German word that meant "to carry on your back".
   I wonder if you might consider aiming your article at people who don't have English as a first language?
   Steve

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   1. 73

      Diana Grantposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Stephen.  I looked it up in several places and hawk does seem to relate to a bird according to Merriam Webster:
      https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hawk
      
      People who do have English as a first language would either take a look if interested or curious, or skip it if not interested, so I don't want to aim it just to people who have ESL

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