I've been contemplating the key to living a happy existence and a thought came to mind- Maybe part of being happy is when your life and what you do in your life matches who you are on the inside.
I spent a large portion of my life being who others wanted me to be, and was never true to who I was within. Even when I was happy-It was short lived, because I missed 'ME'. The pretend me wasnt matching the real me and looking back, those were the times in my life that I was sad, lonely and depressed. But when I am matching- I feel hopeful and more relaxed about my place in this world.
How about others- Is the person on the inside, the person that you represent on the outside? If yes, GREAT! Id love to know how you have managed to be true to yourself. If no, why?
no, Ive not lived up to self, 'till nowish. You are on to something in a big way...
"why?" because most of my life I was lead to believe I wasnt worth existing...
Im getting over it.
I've felt that way-a lot in life. (Not worth existing)-
U said ur getting over it now? How?
By seeing the value in honesty of those who have faith or believe in her. One would find the love that comes from that honesty.
Example: I told you on FB that I thought you were pretty great, on both sides of the camera. Thus, you are a beautiful person when in front of it, as well, as a beautiful person, who happens to show off her talent behind it.
I understand the struggle, many people have, because I was there and know how I handled the experience. Our potential can be seen, only if you want to look deep inside yourself for it.
Everyone wants someone to validate them, so they can accept themselves. First people have to be honest with themselves that they can accept whatever people throw at them, and come out on top. This allows each of us the ability to tap into our potential, for learning and gaining wisdom, from almost everything.
Sorry, to step in on your post Holly. Just wanted to put a thought out there.
I never know who I am...
I respond to people and events without trying to maintain some sort of 'solid' character. I learned long ago that every 90 days very cell in my body dies. Every 3 months I am a new person.
My sense of self is a product of my relations with other people, I find what people say about me an important way to know who I am...
What people say about you is not who you really are. They only see what you want them to see. Unconsciously or not.
It doesn't matter how many cells die every 3 months. Your body is not you. It's only your vessel.
I'm sure you're kidding! LOL Don't you have a notion of who you are ? Then go and visit a shrink !
I agree with this, you kind of have to roll with the punches.
I am one of those truly happy people. Now I don't go around with a smile on my face, but I love my life, i love my daughter, I love my husband, I love my job.
About ten years ago, I was going to school to be a teacher, what everyone I thought I should be, I was unhappy. I was always trying to get straight A's in college, which I managed.I was the perfect person. Now I have a job that pays $9.50 an hour, a college drop out, a first time mother, a wife, and I am happy.
My brother hates that I dropped out of school, and will say, "You're the smartest person in the family, it's just a waste." But he's the one with a college degree, working 65 hours a week and completely unhappy with his life.
My husband is currently unhappy, and who he is on the outside is not who he wants to be.
So yes, I think that would be a large part of whether you are happy or not. Be true to yourself, and you'll be happy. Be who everyone else wants you to be, and people will be happy for you. But the fact that I'm happy shines to everyone around me. People like being around me more. I have more friends than I did 10 years ago. And some people who are highly professionally successful, do not look down on me like I thought they would. And some have admitted they admired my life, because I am always talking about my job. They of course, have no idea how little I make, but I am not in need of anything.
Often the "mismatch" is attributed to the lack of personal answers. Answers about anything and everything. It is a lifelong process for all of us to be genuine and non-hypocritical. I would say study and ponder various answers to life's questions. See what fits you or come up with your own answers. At this point don't worry about whether or not it is "absolute" or "correct." Just find answers that suit you and your current needs. As you do this you will feel comfortable in applying those answers to your life. Thus, you become what you believe. That's when you become genuine. Right or wrong is irrelevant. If you delve into worrying about what's right and what's wrong then you totally missed the point. It's the journey that counts! If you make the concerted effort to live the journey of answers and applying them to your life and inward spirit you will find the answers you seek.
I have a strong faith and firm beliefs about lots of things. However, those answers may not be what you need at this point in your life - or ever! Find what's good for you and go with it. I would submit, however, that you leave yourself always open to further modification of your beliefs and learnings. All life is about learning and gaining wisdom about concepts previously learned. Don't close yourself off from this.
Find answers, apply them, live genuine and strive for further answers.
It's hard to always be true to oneself, I find. With family. With some people we run into 'out there.' Norms and expectations are so often in play.
But I really know what you mean by 'matching.' Quite the goal in life, I'd say!
Yes, who I am on the outside is who I am on the inside. I am now comfortable within my own skin, which I wasn't always.
I speak from the heart and use the knowledge I have to help others. Sometimes, the truth hurts, but only for those who are too prideful. The misconception of what is truth, continues to ruin people's life. The other misconception that truth should be hidden is a moral wrong action, by those who rather save themselves and choose dishonesty over integrity.
For you Holly, it is my pleasure to know you, learn who you are and feel a closeness that is filled with love, compassion and friendship.
I believe life is easy, and it is those around you that make it complicated. The only problem is determining, who has truth and who does not. After reading your work, you have truth.
Those are great questions that require self-examination, which is usually a good exercise to indulge in.
For me, I'd say there is & has been a constant tension between who I am--or maybe better who I perceive myself to be--and the model that gets projected to the world. I think the older I get the more inclined I am to drop pretense & be me with more people.
I have always been a round peg in a square peg world, but as Cagsil put it, I am comfortable inside my own skin. Living up or trying to live up to people's expectations is a dead-end street, though it took me into my thirties to figure that out.
I truly think Shakespeare was right when he wrote, "To thine own self be true..." At some point we all have to look in the mirror & like the person staring back at us. Maybe not like everything about them, but at least like enough to say, this is who I am & if I don't measure up to someone else's standards then, in the words of my grandfather, "they can go pound salt."
I have to wear all kinds of hats & fill all different roles in my life now. Some are completely projected. Others are simply me being me. And I've discovered that those roles that allow me to be me are the ones that I enjoy the most.
There's a lot of rambling there, but I hope some of it is helpful fodder for thinking and/or discussion.
HC, this is a very thought-provoking question. MOST of the time, the answer is yes, I am who I present myself as being. I am not skilled at hiding my emotions. I can say nothing and everyone will know what I am thinking or feeling. I am an emotional person as well--I react to things emotionally first, intellectually second. As well, there is no differentiation between Mike the writer, Mike the artist, Mike the family man, Mike the business man, Mike the friend, Mike the lover, etc. In that respect, I represent myself in much the same way in all aspects of my life.
Other times, no--don't misunderstand, the person I present to the world is not a construct--it is the real me--but it is a very small part of me. I am not secretive, but there are aspects of my life I am not apt to share readily with others--things that would allow them to see me more clearly. Those who know certain things about me see me differently than those who do not. Again, do not misunderstand--I'm not a criminal or sex offender or a creep--but I am quiet about parts of my life.
Artists also are often seen through their art. People often perceive me in a certain light because of something they have seen in my paintings or drawings. If I did not mean what they perceived, they are not likely to ever know this unless I am discussing my art with them. I am not misrepresenting myself, but I might not be what I am seen to be through my work. Does that make sense?
Like you, HC, I am far happier when the real me can shine through and be seen without "masks." I seek to unify the aspects of me seen clearly with those only hinted at. It hasn't happened yet, though--at least to a large degree.
I hope I haven't just babbled and that some of this makes sense. It is an interesting question.
It took me a while to get there, but I guess I am. Glad you managed, too
*snickers - in a totally merry way*
I'm happy. I live as I need to. With an eye on giving what my spawned ones, my partner and my friends need. Which is probably not exactly what they want but they're loved and they know it.
There ain´t nothing more precious than the love of a really good frog *nods*
Interesting question. I have spent my life being somebody for others, but in my own way, a selfish way, or if you like on my own terms.
Now in the last quarter of my life I think I am close to being myself - and it is a lonely place in many ways; most others around me seem to be acting out roles of life, it makes it impossible to take them seriously. And at the same time I realise that this is what I was doing previously. I think that they are no lesser people for it, they are just not completely within reality, my reality anyway.
Very deep question HC. I don't think I'm who I'm suppose to be, but my hubs do represent me. I do feel a lot like you explained.
I think that the more we try to hide our inner self, the harder that life becomes. If we cant be who we are around the ones that we love and the ones that we live around, we can never be truly whole... hence the depression and feelings of being lost in life.
It is a mask that seriously needs to be removed and tossed out so we all can lead a more productive and happy existence.
A lie is an illusion, and illusions dissipate over time (and not being true to yourself and being yourself is a pretty big lie)
I've tried to be true to myself, but my wife doesn't like it when I sit in yellow stained underwear and eat hamburgers that drip ketchup all down my y-fronts....
Only problem with being me is no one really likes me. Kind of sad, but true. Most importantly is that my husband & kids love me for who I am
Well Jane, you can add one outside of your husband and kids. I love everyone. It's just me....so I guess I like you too. So smile.
Yes Justine. I am comfortable in my own skin. I hold myself accountable for the actions I do and I have learned to evaluate the options I have available. My entire life exploded open when I finished my work of religious doctrine.
I found the key to keep me happy, and allow myself to step forward, as a new person. What changed? My understanding of life.
It's very clear to me that I always remain true to myself, because I know I am human and will make mistakes. My only option is to make sure that the mistakes that do happen, do not harm myself or other people. By living my life with integrity, I have found a way to not only love myself, but every other person on the planet, regardless of the origins.
I am happy with it.
I am finally okay with who I am, but when I have presented myself honestly to many of my close friends and family, they have a very hard time accepting me. So I confess, because of all the past losses in my life (my children temporarily, all my belongings, family, etc.) I tend to avoid subjects that would upset them.
However, I'm reaching critical mass in my life, and it's time to begin facing those fears again. I can't make my whole life about damage control because people can't accept who I have become over the last 5 years.
Basically, in a nutshell, I threw out everything I was told to believe in and started discovering my own core beliefs and living by them. That meant throwing out religion, family traditions, and much, much more.
What I learned is that they are as afraid as I am. Their fear is that I am lost, and they want the old person back. So I try to do damage control and just avoid anything that would upset. However, as I say, it's time to address some of those deeper issues again. They are a great cause of internal self anger and depression.
I applaud those who are truly themselves at all times. The old gravity I face was with me for 50 years. Doing away the old is a slower process than I'd like, but I am moving forward.
I think i project who I am inside - outwards to people I've known for a while. It takes a bit of time for people to get to know me however but I control what I reveal, when and to who.
I do get a kick out how new people entering my life perceive me by how I look or what I do for fun or what I do for a living or what I studied in school or where I live - it sometimes confuses people initially but they are just looking from the outside at one part of who I am. Over time all of the pieces come together for them.
I hope the above makes sense
I'm often "assessed" by what I wear and only my close friends who have gotten to know me are sometimes correct when making assumptions about me from time to time...almost all who have gotten to know me better have proclaimed "You are not at all like I thought when I first saw/met you."
I am percieved as "well-off" most of the time (I was just homeless this past summer and have a disability few people seem to catch)...
This has all taught me (I'm still learning, rather) that well-off people AND poor people ALL GET STEREOTYPED! In the past two years, in particular, this is all giving me a ton of insight for the research on poverty that I do...and is helping me understand how SOME (definitely not all) poor people view and treat wealthier people just as bad as they say they have been treated by the wealthy...
Life is interesting...I'm sort of glad I am not the same on the inside as the outside.
I don't feel I misrepresent myself - I am shocked at how people make quick judgments and decisions about others based on first sight or very little interaction. In turn, I'm learning to try and refrain from doing the same, myself.
I'm like Daniel Carter, a little. The last few years of my life has been like a rebirth. I'm BORN AGAIN! I've SEEN THE LIGHT! I feel happier than a Coma patient that just woke up.
Most of my life was directed by the will or feelings of others. The day I let go of the desire to be liked or loved by everybody; I felt so good! I love who I see when I look in the mirror now.(but I don't want to kiss a piece of glass) I was able to let go of drugs and bad people without a backward glance. Of course the people that thrived on me being consumed with self doubt, self hate, and confusion, are very upset with the real me.
People scream and holla about how I should act and talk and other types of APPRORIATE BEHAVIOR I'm suppose to display. Since "Kiss my Ass" has become one of my favorite phrases; I'm considered Angry, a Narcissus, a Sociopath! They may be right; but guess what I say to the 99 cent store phychiatrists.
I am angry though. I can't believe I wasted one minute of my life worrying about what someone else thinks of me.
I want to scream and shout every minute of my life now...no matter what I have to face. I can now say I'm free and mean it! Of course you have to have some respect and decency and love in your life. Now, all anyone gets from me is what they bring. It is so much easier to live the results of my actions now then what I to live with before. Good or Bad...So be it.
"Only problem with being me is no one really likes me. Kind of sad, but true. Most importantly is that my husband & kids love me for who I am"
You only need to start worrying when your cats stop liking you!
I have been very strident; too strident for my own good sometimes. I always thought I'd learn more with maturity but I wouldn't be true to myself if I failed to sometimes speak out. As a result I've fallen out of favour with professional bodies for the unorthodox views I have put forward. Some organisations operate as clubs. However, I don't regret it and wouldn't really want to live in some worlds if it meant being a plastic person. Each to their own. Life is short.
Jung would have it that we all have masks. We have a mask we are comfortable wearing when it comes to our parents, one for our siblings, one for our friends, one for our fellow workers and one for our bosses. So which one is the real me? Why all of them at given times of course. Oh and I have a special mask for when I write. I love masks!
The real you is the one that knows which mask to use in each occasion. If you know who that is, then you know yourself.
Yup I know me pretty well. I think therefore I am. I can even prove I exist. I still have a thing for masks. Cheers!
I don't have masks. I am the same whether my parents are with me, my friends are with me, I'm at church, or I'm with my husband. I used to have many masks, but I wasn't content with who I was. I could play the parts really well. Now I laugh more, I smile more, I rarely doubt myself or feel insecure. When I threw away the masks, there is an adjustment period more for others than yourself. You get weird looks from those who have never seen you laugh in a certain way. But they get used to and find they like the real you even better.
This is a fascinating subject. I wouldn't say I misrepresent myself so much as underrepresent myself. I find that most people in "real life" are just interested in the day-to-day stuff: house prices, food, holidays, jobs, telly, football etc. And I can have a conversation with them about most of these subjects - up to a point. But I know that the favour probably wouldn't be returned when I talk about the things I'm interested in (tell-tale glazed look in eyes, covert glance at watch etc.), so I tend not to "go there" unless I'm reasonably sure that the other person will also be interested. I also feel the same way about my emotional responses - I know I don't feel/think the same way as most other people (certainly not most other women), so I find it quite hard to bare my soul, as it were.
I think of my personality as an iceberg - the bit that's above the surface of the water is recognisably an iceberg, but 90% of it is submerged.
I think that is in essence a big part of our journey, discovering who we are and being who we are. It's part of growing up. Especially for children who came from families that were very restrictive and told them how to think, be and act, it may take longer or never happen! some people go through their whole lives not really knowing who they are.
it's a continual process. at some point, the connection is made and then life opens up! I think the human species is quite adaptable!
Inside I consist of a pure milk chocolate coating which covers a chewy nougat centre.
I believe my behavior and interactions with others accurately reflects this
I don't think my career choice matches me. I'm more of a thinker, a writer, and an artist, yet I'm in the engineering field as a trade. After I contemplated it a bit, I would rather be an author, or someone who writes scripts for tv shows and movies.
hmmmm....maybe time to make a plan for some future change if u can pull it off. but...we have to pay the bills don't we? too bad....or maybe not..
Origin if I understand the engineering trade a little there is some scope there for being creative. Certainly in terms of problem solving.
Engineering has tremendous scope. I love mechanical engineering.
My businesses were based on overcoming manufacturers design faults, and the opportunities for creativity were endless!
I still miss being at the pointy end, having fun every day.
Well said Earnest. What I understand about engineering I get from documentaries and also from my nephew who is studying it at the moment in Uni.
Way to go to cheer up Origin.
Well Earnest, I am passionate about history including the history of metal.
The Sydney Harbour Bridge still stands up as a great engineering feat. A LOT of problems had to be solved on that one. There were people who said it was impossible to have a bridge go across such a waterway. There were people who said that it was impossible to have such a bridge support trains as well as car traffic. Still someone thought these things were possible.
I'm fairly comfortable and confident in my own skin. I hate pretentiousness or masks of any kind..I'm much better at being myself. I'm also a very good listener, and respect others and their opinions, even if I don't really like their personality or their opinions. I like poking fun at people about their habits and opinions..kind of sly, I suppose, but harmless.
Even though I'm a little timorous (shy), I manage to make a good impression, I think. I don't take disparaging comments to heart..I know myself..it's just the other person's misunderstanding or ignorant point of view, usually.
I must admit, I do have some difficulty with people that are dishonest, pretentious, closed-minded, hot-headed etc. That's their problem though... Nevertheless, I'm seldom rude, or lash out.
For years I have done what everyone wanted. Taking care of people that call and say they need me. It got to the point I began having panic attacks and not wanting to leave my house. Even now I have some telling me get a degree and get a high paying job, my husband thinks I should settle and take whatever comes along never trying for more. But for myself, I want to be a writer. I want to work from home, poor my heart into my manuscripts and have them published. Of course everyone thinks I'm being silly, that it could never happen. They think I'm a dreamer. In truth, I am. I love having my dreams. Through out my whole life that's one thing that always made me happy, to dream. And there is only one way dreaming can make me happy, writing it down. That way I can just keep dreaming and keep writing.
Many people think of dreams as fanciful and frivolous, as something apart from 'real life'. This is simply not true. Dreams are a way of making plans, and working out problems and trying to find solutions. You can make up your own rules, if you need to.
In the real world you need to find ways of implementing the ideas in your dreams. Anything that's moderately practical can be accomplished if you are sufficiently determined. Don't let anyone dissuade you from reaching your goals..it's your life after all.
so you are saying that there IS a chance that i will meet and mate with the Swedish Bikini team?
I do not misrepresent myself and that is why people don't like me. I am blunt, sarcastic, funny & really nice - but people like to first impressions & like to "get to know you" based on what you "do", how you live, etc.
I don't like clubs or groups, they tend to be of one mind and rarely let others join in...you see them frequently, PTO, PTA, Booster groups, soccer moms, hockey moms...I could go on. I am a soccer mom, but don't fit into their "vision" of what a soccer mom should be, so I sit by myself & cheer on the kids. It is what it is.
I wholeheartedly agree.
I love the old coat hanger!
Whenever I am in Sydney I get up close and personal with that bridge.
It was engineering love at first sight for me!
What a magnificent structure, what wonderful craftsmanship and tolerances!
Many hubbers are like that. Nothing to hide.
Nope nothing to hide. Yes, Earnest every time I see the old coat hanger I am reminded of what people can do even in the middle of a great depression. The bridge was something that people could look at and say, well, anything is possible and things are going to get better. I suppose it still affects me that way.
I think I spent a long time in my life being who other people wanted me to be. When I 'broke out' of that situation, thirteen years ago now, I felt utterly lost for a while. But now I am happy and share my life with a husband who loves me as I am and I'm free to be me - which is a great blessing. So yes, I would say that finally, the inside does match the outside (except I don't feel wrinkly on the inside!).
"I spent a large portion of my life being who others wanted me to be, and was never true to who I was within. Even when I was happy-It was short lived, because I missed 'ME'."
I, personally, can only be me. And the other people in my head. But there's not that many, and I don't know enough Cantonese to listen to the angry voice. I kid, I kid.
If you cannot be true to yourself, you'll never even have yourself for a friend.
Until our next intersection in space-time,
I don't really have an answer, but just wanted to comment.
I absolutely hate to hear the question asked of myself "Who am I?" It confuses me and keeps me from doing what I need to be doing. The question circulates around my brain for more than minutes or hours or even days. Weeks, months and years have been spent searching for the answers to this question and I've determined there is no answer other than - I am that I am. Because seriously, who else could I be?
Now, as to matching my life or misrepresenting myself - its a mix. Sometimes - yes, very well. Other times - yeah, all the time.
ha ha..who am I? that makes me sooooo ..iggity..., if YOU don't knwo who you are, who will?
People say to me all the time..."Justine, Your so ....real."
for a while it pissed me off, was this a compliment? an insult? were they jealous?
I settled on compliment.
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