Why are so many people threatened in this society by childfree

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   gmwilliamsposted 10 years ago

   
   couples? It seems that in this strongly pronatalist society, there is still the underlying premise, the more, the better.  People are continuously exhorted to have children by their parents, friends, religion, relatives, and the outer society.  Oftentimes, many people have children much to their utter regret later on.  People who elect not to have children are demonized and are viewed as hedonistic, selfish, irresponsible, immature, and/or worse.  Why do many people assume that couples must have children in order to be family?  Why are some people totally AGHAST regarding childfree couples?

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      LauraGTposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I have always wanted children and now happily have two of my own. But, I have always been perplexed by why the vast majority of people elect to have children!  It 's an enormous commitment, financially, emotionally, and physically. 
      
      But, to answer your question more directly, I think it's like anything that is the "norm" - people don't understand what they don't know.  I think on one hand there are the "traditionalists" who really do judge people without children. But, then I think there are also a bunch of clueless people who haven't given it much thought and are surprised when they meet people who make decisions different from their own.  Like many things in our society, as people learn more, I think there will be more acceptance (at least from that latter group of clueless people).  I would just encourage you to be patient with people who question you and hopefully you can show that the decision to not have children should be equally respected!

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         gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Laura, thank you for your intelligent response.   There are some people who get don't get it.  They strongly believe that all should have children whether they want them or not.  Such people are totally illogical to say the least.  Many people have children, much to their regret later on.   An Ann Landers poll done 4 decades ago revealed that over 50% of the respondents stated that if they had to do it over, they would NEVER have children.   It takes a fierce and brave couple not to have children and to be unapolegetically childfree in this strongly pronatalist culture.  The actor Cameron Diaz stated that childfree women are often demonized in this society.

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      Brenda Durhamposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      eh....
      Where do you get the idea that people look down on childless couples?
      .....maybe some do,  but you're  making it sound like it's a prevalent thing..........
      I've never seen anyone "aghast" at hearing that a couple doesn't have or want children......or "demonize" them.....

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         Lee Teaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Most of his posts are like this. He believes the amount in your bank account should dictate the number of children you have - like buying their necessities as society dictates is the only way to go about rearing a child.  To go about it any other way is not a concept he's seemed to consider.  We garden, hunt, and trade, run at-home businesses to pay the mortgage...and I usually beg to differ with most of his posts.  He's got his side of the fence on lockdown...but I'm not sure he's ever peaked over it.  All experience is knowledge - maybe someday he'll spawn and learn the lessons only a child can teach a man.  At least I think he's a man... hahaha guess I don't really know.  Tell us gmwilliams - chick or dude?

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            gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            ONE  does not need children to teach life lessons.There are learned books for that! Lee, YOU don't get it at all!  Live in your poverty consciousness!  One should have a child because the child is wanted and can be afforded, pure and simple!

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            Brenda Durhamposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            He or she does seem very negative about most things.
            And yes, an inside-the-box thinker.........
            
            I don't get it, really.
            If my parents had waited until they could "afford" it according to the standards of some people in society,  then me and my brothers would've never been born.    I happen to know that we kids were immensely blessed and loved and wanted and taken care of,  even if there were times when we only had flitters and water to eat!    We had parents who actually loved life,  and honored LIFE including the lives of children,  realizing what a beautiful thing it is to bring a life into this world even if the child wasn't "planned"!    And they took responsibility,  worked hard,  fed and clothed us even if it wasn't with the latest fashions.   Who cares anyway,  what kind of clothes a person wears or how much money they have or whether they can afford to eat out at some steakhouse?   They worked the soil with their bare hands to feed us, and let me tell you that was awesomely tasty and healthy and better than any restaurant!   They considered us a blessing, not just "things" that resulted from sex.

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               gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               No child should be unwanted and all should be planned for when the socioeconomic and psychological conditions are right. All intelligent and educated people know this!  People who have unplanned pregnancies are irresponsible and those who have children and can't afford them socioeconomically, emotionally, mentally, and/or psychologically  are even more irresponsible. Digressing and getting off topic.  The topic is why so many people are threatened by childfree couples, not family planning and affordability of children, different topic and different forum post.

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   Zelkiiroposted 10 years ago

   Because people are stupid. That's really the answer to most questions in life.

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      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Many unenlightened pronatalists strongly contend that children make the family.  Many pronatalists are too blindsided to believe that there are THOSE who are quite happy without children.  Yes, there are those with this atavistic mentality.  To tell them otherwise is analogous to talking to the wall.  Very sad indeed.
      
      I remember one woman at work who loudly proclaimed that people who don't have children have something wrong with them.  When the other employees explained to her that being childfree is a legitimate lfestyle,she continued to state that  EVERYONE must have children.  Yes, this woman was very hindsighted. 
      
      There are people who REFUSE to believe that there are those who are quite happy childfree.  I, too, espouse the childfree philosophy from the 70s.  I stated that I did not want to have children ever.  Well, I was told by some misguided folks that children are part of a marriage.  I learned to STAY FAR AWAY from such people.  What makes my blood boil is when I state that I intend to be childfree, people ask why and what's wrong.  I just glare at such intellectually and mentally challenged folks for making such remarks.

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      AshtonFireflyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      hahaha!

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         gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Zelkiiro couldn't have made a better summarization of the human condition.  Most people exist in the herd consciousness which is more appropriate to cavemen societies than it is to the postmodern 21st century.  There are THOSE among us who contend quite vehemently that it is children that make the family.  They contend that without children, there is NO FAMILY which is not necessarily the case.   Love, support, report, and encouragement is WHAT makes a family.   Childfree couples are INDEED a family, like it or not.

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   janesixposted 10 years ago

   Because having children is the normal thing to do. Anything out of the ordinary, society/people frown on. People don't like "different".

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   Lee Teaposted 10 years ago

   oh no...chick!! lol... *insert foot in mouth here*
   **rock the boat...I'll rock the boat baby**

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5. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   There are those who view childfree couples as aberrant.  They contend that the purpose of marriage is to have children.  They further assert that if a couple is unwilling to have children then they are thoughtless and selfish.  After all, they contend why wouldn't a couple want to have children as children are a normative part of marriage.   
   
   Many people are threatened by childfree people, seeing the freedom that the latter have as opposed to their lives.  So they negatively react and are threatened by childfree couples because the latter has a lifestyle that they secretly wished they had.   In essence, childfree couples are viewed as DIFFERENT and there are many who fear, even abhor DIFFERENCE among us.

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      Quilligrapherposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      It is nice to run into you here, Grace. I noticed your attempt to breathe life into this thread that died about a year ago. I thought I might contribute something that might bring your Lazarus back to life.
      
      Your entire thesis is based upon the claim in the very first sentence: “There are those who view childfree couples as aberrant.
      
      You then set out to demonize “those” people when, in fact, childless couples are aberrant in as much as they are different from the normal, or natural, type. When compared to society as a whole, childless couples are both unusual and abnormal.
      
      One analysis from the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University examined data from the National Survey of Family Growth. They determined that only 6% of married women ages 40 to 44 in 2010 had no biological children or other kids in the household, such as adopted children or stepchildren. That tiny slice consists of women 1) who choose not to have children, 2) who can not have children, and 3) who are planning to have children in the future. However, the number is sufficiently small to establish this group as both unusual and far removed from the norm, i.e. aberrant. {1}
      
      “They contend that the purpose of marriage is to have children. They further assert that if a couple is unwilling to have children then they are thoughtless and selfish. After all, they contend why wouldn't a couple want to have children as children are a normative part of marriage.”
      
      The second flaw in your theory is an assumption that a group of “those” people actually exists. Not only is the existence of this group not established as a fact but your post piles on a number of assumptions about what “they contend” and what “they further assert.” This forum has no reasons to accept any of your claims as true. Therefore, as a matter of your own credibility, I hope you will share the poll data you must have that defines the size, location, and demographic composition of this “group” and documents the extent of their attitudes.
      
      In the final stretch, you claim, “Many people are threatened by childfree people, seeing the freedom that the latter have as opposed to their lives. So they negatively react and are threatened by childfree couples because the latter has a lifestyle that they secretly wished they had. In essence, childfree couples are viewed as DIFFERENT and there are many who fear, even abhor DIFFERENCE among us.”
      
      I am not sure if these “many people” are the same as “those” people referenced above. However, you claim they are “threatened” by childless couples! “Threatened” by “the freedom” (?) of child-free couples. You even say they “negatively react” and “abhor” differences.
      
      Golly Gee, Grace. I am at a loss. I can not find anyone who claims to be threatened by couples without children although I found many testimonials to both the advantages enjoyed by some or the disadvantages endured by others from rearing a large family. If you have nothing to establish that this is an attitude shared by a large segment of the populace, I must conclude it does not have any impact on our society.
      
      My complements to you for trying to generate a constructive discussion based on your personal views. I am looking forward to reviewing your additional data. The best of theories still need sound facts to arrive at a reliable conclusion. The theories in this thread may still need a little more help.
      
      Ciao, Grace.
      
      {1} http://articles.latimes.com/2013/dec/08 … s-20131208

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      1. 84

         gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, such  people do exist.  They are vehement against those who elect to be childfree.  They view such couples as unnatural, even perverse. It is simply part of the prevailing, pronatalist construct that a married couple should have children; after all, that is what marriage is all about.  Another subcategory to this construct is that in order to be considered fully adult, one must have children or else be deemed immature and/or have some type of arrested development.   Anyway, Quill, thank you for presenting data.  However, this thread is open to discussion of whatever opinion or premise to be presented regarding the discussion.

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   Motown2Chitownposted 9 years ago

   I've got to know: who are these people who feel "threatened" by child free families? How do they feel "threatened?" Are they afraid that those child free families are sucking up resources they need to feed their children? Are they afraid they will be denied freedoms, education, the right to pursue their joys in life in whatever way they see fit? What the hell difference does it make to them?
   
   My husband and I are a family.  The one child that we have was birthed by someone else, but WE take care of her.  And not because she's an ignored or neglected youngest or middle child from a large family.  She's one of two children and still experiences those things.
   
   A family is a family, and I have been a part of one since birth, but I have never encountered any other person who felt threatened by a family larger or smaller than their own.  Have lots of kids, have one, don't have any. How does any of those scenarios "threaten" any of the others?
   
   People are entirely too obsessed with what happens in someone else's family.  Take care of your own and butt out of the rest of the world's uteruses.

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   SageCantonposted 9 years ago

   I don't think everyone disparages childless couples. I personally don't, and I know of several (childless couples) who are socially well received and don't feel ostracized.

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