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Funniest Answering Machine Messages

  1. profile image0
    Deborah Sextonposted 7 years ago

    What's the funniest messages you've heard when calling someone?

    ie: Hi! Tony's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

  2. Ohma profile image76
    Ohmaposted 7 years ago

    Nobody's home but the cat and he won't answer the phone so leave a message and the dog will call you back when he comes in.

  3. profile image0
    Justine76posted 7 years ago

    Mine. I recorded the operator message you get when you leave the phone off the hook.
    when people called, tehy heard this.."beeeeoop..if yould like to make a call, please hang and try agin, if you need help, please hang up and dial the operator....beep beep beep..."

    OMG it was soo funny...people would hang up, call right back. hang up, call back agian and then occasionaly I would get a message like "WHAT THE HELL!!! Why does it keep saying that?!"

    It was hillarious, but I finally had to change it becuase eveyone I knew got really mad at me and didnt think it was so funny. Its been a while tho, I may put it back up...

    1. Ivorwen profile image74
      Ivorwenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      That is fabulous Justine!

      1. profile image0
        Justine76posted 7 years agoin reply to this

        lol I thought it was pretty funny. My mom did not..wich made me think it was even funnier!!

      2. Mikel G Roberts profile image81
        Mikel G Robertsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Yea what Ivorwen said....lol

    2. manlypoetryman profile image76
      manlypoetrymanposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      That is classic genius-type funny there...Justine...I'm laughing as I type this!

      I once had a voice message that answered like I was there...ya' know: "Hi"..."how ya' doing?"..."really!"..."me...not much at the moment"..."BTW...I'm not really here; Please leave a message".

      Folks would be surprised by how many people...can get agitated by such a message...but Justine's is far more hilarious!

      1. profile image0
        Justine76posted 7 years agoin reply to this

        i really loved it. glad you liked it!! lol

  4. frogdropping profile image85
    frogdroppingposted 7 years ago

    A few years ago mine said ""Hi, I'm not available right now. I'm avoiding someones call. If I don't call you back - the person I'm avoiding is you"

    Anyway - as you do, sometimes I wouldn't get round to returning calls so I was always saying "nooooo sorry, I was joking, of course I'm not avoiding you ... " neutral

  5. Urbane Chaos profile image96
    Urbane Chaosposted 7 years ago

    "Hello.  You have reached a telepathic thought recording device.  Think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling, and I'll think about calling you back."


    For some reason, I miss answering machines.  Ya could always have so much fun with them! big_smile

  6. profile image0
    Justine76posted 7 years ago

    remeber you could purchase casette tapes of songs, rewritten to be messages?

  7. Ivorwen profile image74
    Ivorwenposted 7 years ago

    My friend got sick of telemarketers and tried several different things to deter them.  Finally, she recorded her message in Gaelic.  It cracks me up every time I hear it, even though it is nothing spectacular.  Plus, she has quit receiving telemarketer calls, although she has began receiving messages in Pig Latin...

  8. Pr0metheus profile image60
    Pr0metheusposted 7 years ago

    A couple years back I set my cell phone VM to:

    "<frantically picks up phone with noise in background>  Hey, I'm REALLY busy right now, let me call you back in like 5.  <15 seconds of silence> <BEEP>"

    One day my boss called me twice and almost fired me because she thought I had hung up on her... twice, so I changed it.

    The other one I had was:

    "Hello <2 or 3 second pause> Hey, what's goin on? <3 or 4 second pause>  I'm not here right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you"

    I'd get messages all the time like "You son of a bitch..<click>"

  9. theirishobserver. profile image60
    theirishobserver.posted 7 years ago

    My own home message has my Rooster on it, it simply says, I am not in right now but please leave a message after my Cock crows smile some people have simply banged the reciever down hard on my cock....while others have been good enough to speak soft and kind to him... smile

  10. profile image0
    Deborah Sextonposted 7 years ago

    I did one that said:


    I'm sorry who?

    Could you please speak louder I can't hear you.

    I'm sorry, I still can't hear you; so could you please leave a message?


    I thought it was funny but one caller got really angry.

  11. caravalhophoto profile image59
    caravalhophotoposted 7 years ago

    When in our twenties a room mate an I made up a song at Christmas for our machine greeting...I will never forget the song.

    In the tune of Deck the Halls:

    Deck the halls with bells of holly...falalalala lalalala
    If you called for us to party...falalalala...lalalala

    Leave your name and leave your number...falalalalalalala
    We'll call you back as soon as possible......fa la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaa

    My room mate was playing the piano and I was ringing the bells.

  12. Chloe Comfort profile image56
    Chloe Comfortposted 7 years ago

    I'm sorry but I love those messages where you think someone actually answered the phone and can't hear you. You get louder and the message keeps saying - "what? I can't hear you". Then you find out it's just a message on the amswering machine.

    LOL - ashamed to admit I've fallen for that more than once smile

  13. GeneriqueMedia profile image61
    GeneriqueMediaposted 7 years ago

    My voice mails over the years would sometimes say..

    "Hello, you've reached GeneriqueMedia's voice mail. If you don't know what to do after the beep, I'd rather not know you."

  14. profile image0
    Pani Midnyte Odinposted 7 years ago

    My current one is: "Hello? Hello? Hellooo? ...Oh, I forgot. You're not talking to ME, you're talking to my answering machine! Well, you know what to do!"

    lol Too bad no one who calls me has a sense of humor. They tend to get a bit mad.