Should you stay in a marriage for the kids?

1. 89

   BeccaHubbardWoodsposted 15 years ago

   Should you stay in a marriage for the kids?

   replyreport
2. 62

   macbeth25posted 15 years ago

   No.  I doubt God ever said, “What I have joined together, let no man put asunder.”   Sometimes marriages simply don’t work out.  Not only are both parties uncomfortable with eachother, there may be real danger in staying together.  “Staying together for the kids,” may not be a reasonable solution.  Children are not stupid and age may not be a factor. Children KNOW what’s going on; they can sense hostility between their parents.  I believe, if the family can financially afford it, separation may turn out to be a good idea.  If they can't afford separation, something else will have to be worked out.  I, personally, have been very lucky.  My wife and I have been married for more than 40 years.  We have six children, 10 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren with more on the way.  Not all husbands and wives are as lucky as we.  May Irish Blessings Be Upon You and Yours.

   replyreport
3. 60

   landthatiloveposted 15 years ago

   When I was a kid, I dreaded the arguments that would take place just about daily. I would cringe when I heard my Dad pull in the driveway because he had been at the bar after work and would lay into my mom. For years I begged her to leave him. Life would have been so much more pleasant but she stuck it out. So what kind of men did I choose? The abusive kind. However I did get over that but it took me many many years to understand why I kept gravitating to that  kind of man. It's just not fair to expose kids to a negative household. They deserve so much better.

   replyreport
4. 89

   BeccaHubbardWoodsposted 15 years ago

   Thank you guys for your answers. I appreciate your input and well thought out responses.

   replyreport
5. 0

   mariyammaposted 15 years ago

   Many divorces are withdrawn because the partners and relatives think of the children whose lives will get destroyed.

   replyreport
6. 57

   NNathanielStockposted 15 years ago

   No, for the fact that your kids will pick up on your feelings. If your unhappy with your marriage then yes get out it will be difficualt in the begining but the kids will get over it and use to the idea and in the end you all will be much better off and will probley get along better and it will be better for the kids. And for yourself

   replyreport
7. 61

   SheriSappposted 15 years ago

   I don't think it helps anyone to stay in an unhappy marriage.  As others have stated, kids are intuitive and know when things aren't right.  However, if there is no alcohol abuse, drug abuse, or violence, maybe counseling should at least be tried.

   replyreport
8. 61

   adoyleposted 15 years ago

   ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  Staying in a marriage for kids doesn't solve the problems in the marriage,  And don't think your kids won't know something is wrong.  I think this has a more negative impact on children than divorce does.

   replyreport
9. 62

   pendell2posted 15 years ago

   While you shouldn't necessarily stay in a marriage for the kids, there are many steps that you should explore before heading for divorce court.  If there is abuse, I'd say get out right away.  If your bored with each other, have you tried treating each other the way you did while you were dating? Have you tried counseling?  The economy is making everyone stressed out and this is taking its toll on relationships.  There are lots of resources online like "Family Life Today" and "Focus on the Family" that may be of help to you. 
   
   I've heard that if you want out of a marriage and kids are involved that you should try some of the above suggestions and try to stick it out for 5 years and see if you feel the same way.  Divorce is so hard on everyone involved, but especially the kids.

   replyreport
10. 60

    DARICANMAMIposted 15 years ago

    No. Not at all in the long run you just hurt the children because they are able to pick up on the changes between the parents no matter how young they are. And they become unhappy. You want the best for your children and at first they may not think is so but in time it will make them stronger people.  It will not be easy and all the changes that go along with ending a marriage are hard on the parent and the children. But you must realize that you need to be happy with your self to care for your children.

    replyreport
11. 60

    rvsourceposted 15 years ago

    You should stay in the marriage for the marriage sake, not the children. Most divorces could be eliminated if the couple really wanted to. If a couple stays in the marriage for the children, there could be a good reason along with the children, perhaps finances. I think we all do what we are supposed to anyway.

    replyreport
12. 0

    reeltaulkposted 15 years ago

    absolutely not.........your sanity as well as happiness should come first.  How do you plan to continue living for yourself as well as those children you have brought into this world.  I know it is easier said than done, but settle allows you to do just that.  And before you know it you will be settled in a mess and not know which direction to turn much less who you are.  Just remember, some situations come about that we may not have control over, in the end it is you that allow it to either make you or break you!!!  Best of wishes with whatever decisions you make.
    
    Vonda G. Nelson

    replyreport
13. 59

    lanealaneaposted 14 years ago

    Kids would rather be from a broken home then live in one. This is very true from my childhood point a view. Hope this helps some, Lanea

    replyreport
14. 65

    ThunderKeysposted 14 years ago

    In my counselling work with couples, many distressed couples presented for counselling saying that the only thing keeping them together were the kids. Conflicted partners need to learn how to effectively express and meet core relationship needs. By developing and following through on a mutual needs-meeting plan, a reciprocal corrective experience begins to take place, at a deep emotional level.
    
    A distressed couple should not only stay in the marriage, but repair their emotional bond and then really be there for their kids.

    replyreport