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Okay my husband had to get up early so that he can go take his advancement test for the Navy. I am somewhat of a light sleeper these days as you well you guys probably guessed from another forum I posted about lack of sleep and such. Anyways while I'm laying in bed I hear the water running. And running and running and running then *squeak* of the medicine cabinent. I know the differnece between no one being in the shower and someone being in the shower. Guess which my husband was? Yep didn't get in the shower. I don't know what he was doing in there but I know for a fact he didn't get in the shower and the squeak proved it too because why would he do that if he was in the shower.
So the shower turned off, he shaved, got dressed in his uniform and sprayed himself with that Axe stuff. He walks out and I confront him about it asking if he wasn't going to take a shower then why leave the water running? It's waisting water and our money. He goes I did take a shower. I said no then why would the water be running and the medicine cabinent open. He said he was washing his face then hopped in the shower for a quick shower.
I didn't argue anymore because he had to go. I went to the restroom after he left because well I know TMI but I had to pee. So I went and noticed that the floor is completely dry, not even a bit wet as if he had tried to dry it himself but completely dry like yep he never got in the shower. We don't have a rug in front of the shower anymore because of Tiger...have to buy a new one...so if he had stepped out it would wet. And his towel comlpetely dry except for one spot where he dried his face after shaving.
So now I'm awake hurt because this has been the second time has lied to me over something as stupid as taking a shower. He lied to me last weekend while staying at my parents house too. We haven't been married for 2 years yet, 2 years this month, and he is lying to me over stupid shit? Makes me wonder what he has lied to me about in the past and I know for sure now he will lie to me in the present and the future. I can't trust him now can I?
Sorry for the rambling but I'm hurt and upset....I'm going to try and get more sleep too...bye
lack of sleep can amplify emotions...but as a woman i have to say the telling of a lie is with the intent to cover something up. if it were me, i wouldn't say anything to him, but i would check the cell phone records. i don't see any purpose for running the shower except to muffle sounds in the bathroom, but then again i am kind of paranoid that way, heh. i hope it's nothing and that you feel right again soon. xox
is this the smiley you wanted?
isit really something you think he is lying about or is it something you truly wish you can catch him in to give yourself a way out???
I don't understand the lying about the shower stuff. It doesn't make sense. What is he hidding ? Do you have a clue ?
Nope...I don't think he is hiding anything it's just the simple thing that I caught him in the act of not taking a shower and waisting water. So he probably feels he has to lie about it
Maybe he's a compulsive liar. He wants you to think he's Mr Perfect. That's all !
I think you are a smart woman. When you have friends or strangers lie to you, do you accept it and continue a relation with them? I do not. If someone doesn't have their word, they don't have themselves. I think you should put him in check and say that if he gets caught lying again, he can lie to a new wife.
that's what I'm afraid of happening Marine...I love this guy so much I don't want to lose him... but it definitely hurts when he lies to me
I still think it sounds more loke a Mr. Perfect Syndrome . He doesn't want to loose your respect. sometimes guys are silly
You can only give someone so much help before they have to help themselves. Some don't care to fix or help themelves speaking of your husbands lying. Just an outside opinion from what I have seen written. No disrespect.
None taken marine. I appreciate your opinion. again need a smile that is sad looking
Do you mind me asking marinealways24, are you married? I think I would seek the advice of a weddingconsultant over a marine.... just to conform to the stereotypes
It seems the more defensive he has to become to protect himself from your hurt and accusations, the more trust between you is going to suffer. Rather than take the approach everyone does in this situation, what if you did the reverse? What if you laughed about it to him, rather than accuse him? I don't know if would help, but you might want to reassure him that you want to trust him, and therefore, you don't want him to feel like he has to withhold info from you.
Honestly, this is not a big deal. It's really petty stuff. What the petty stuff does is make you wonder whether there is big stuff too. He obviously has been beaten up a lot over things like this, and so he withholds to protect himself. Confronting him might make it worse, whereas, making him aware that you know, but are not overly alarmed and can laugh a little about it might help him build more trust in you.
Just some thoughts based on my own experiences.
Ach, he was taking a dump and the sound of the shower running drowned out the noises he was making.
What the hell! LOL I was just rying to ease her fears. hehe
thanks ralwus I appreciate that too bad there isn't a sad smile smiley face...
He is just being a man. Men are dirty. We sometimes pick our nose, fart, scratch our balls (or our arse), and not being bothered to take a shower in the morning falls within that. Sometimes my girlfriend has to remind me that I havent had a shower for three days. Im ashamed to say that, but most men are just not as clean as most women. The reason he was insistant that he had taken that shower, is because he was embarressed about being found out. What grown man wants to admit to his wife that he faked a shower? Its a childish thing to do, and he knew it. It just means that he is unlikely to do it again.
As a kid, did you ever used to run your toothbrush under the water so it looked like you brushed your teeth? Same thing.
Lets face it... the ultimate betrayel is infidelity..... and he sure isn't having an affair if he is going to work stinking of BO
I totally agree. Though I love scratching my balls, and farting in public, I usually like to eat my boogers in private.:lol
I'm just messin' w/ya. Guys stink, were lazy, and gross. It goes back to the days of mothers riding our asses about this and that....
Assuming Crazd you are a female, maybe you can see how we make that connection.
Ok well I hope that it all works out ok, and that it is something simple. Most couples have arguments and fall out over silly things, hopefully this can be put down as one of those.
no not that one Misha...I mean a smile but it's sad looking
Have you talked with him yet? It sounds like things are escalating behind his back and he doesn't even know what's going on.
I don't want to defend anyone here, but I can think of quite a few reasons why he might have done it. Regardless, it's important that you two talk about it rather than bottle it up.
Take it from me, bottling things up in a marriage is no good.
No I'm thinking it's because he had such a horrible relationship before we got back together that he still feels that he has to lie...I don't know why when I am NOTHING like his ex but still...
I would suggest that you do talk with him, calmly if you can, but tell him that the little lies make you think that bigger lies are out there. I realize guys will lie to ward off any arguing (if the can) but if he understands that he is losing your trust because of these little lies he may think about it differently. good luck, I am thinking of you.
Thanks ladybird I appreciate that...I've actually written it all out because it's causing me to lose sleep and I already lost a lot of sleep last night because of other issues...leg cramps...but I will definitely be talking to him when he gets home.
Hon, Don't let your insecurities get in the way of a shower running and the situation when you were at your mom's. Maybe you should sit down and talk about it so that it doesn't prolong the issue. I am certain you are taking out of context and something from a past relationship you had is rearing its ulgy head and jumping into a beautiful relationship. Instead of letting it eat at you talk to him about it without argument I am certain your viewpoint will change after the discussion.
I hate to break it to you AEvans it's not an insecurity from my apst relationship but i am sure it is of his because the girl before me treated him like crap, lying to him, cheating on him...so I wouldn't be surprised if he constnatly lied to her and now for some reason still feels like he has to lie to me.
Very true marine very true...well I'm going to try and get some more sleep...I hate losing sleep as it is. So keep giving advice if you want and I'll check back later. ttyl peeps
Awww CW, Everyone else has written such good advice ,cant seem to add too much more.
Gosh anywhere from 3mths to 3 yrs is always full of crazy sh**t ,you know the questions...
Does this mean this...Whats that really mean...Why doesnt he/she just say what theyre really thinking...Whats on his mind..
Honestly it does do ya head in ,no wonder ya not sleeping well
that poor old brain working overtime on ya!!
I do hear where youre coming from ,you would probably prefer he trusted you enough to be upfront and totally honest about every little thing. I used to as well.
Now well I sort out the big stuff from the fluff stuff.
Except when the relationship is young everything seems 'BIG' stuff. Listen to people who have been married for a long time and they will tell you , its nothing or certainly not meaning anything more than what it is.
Perhaps he was running late and mind on the test etc, he must have thought your question odd too, and maybe he felt threatened. Hope he does well in his test too!
Crazdwriter, this is an epic Fail. Showering with my girlfriend always results in certain parts of my body being dirtier than they were before I went in.... that does kind of defeat the objective of a shower. But I suppose you would both have a smile on your face right now
well, we're obviously getting one side of the story, crazd. but based on what you say, i find it to be a strange behavior. relationships are difficult at times. i'm with aevans on this: if you two can have a discussion without an argument, it might help resolve the issue. communication is vital.
on the other hand, telling lies in a relationship does not bode well in the trust department. lies coming from one party lead to doubts for the other party. a lie is a lie, regardless of its size.
good luck with the discussion, keep a level head.
Eaglekiwi does have a point on showering together but I think that an objective conversation should take place on the events. The communication, respect and trust must stay intact until proven otherwise
get a big towel so after the shower and dry together:)
And I would shower with him but he gets up too damn early and I like sleeping in. Esepcaily when he gets up, i can take over the entire bed and then all 3 kitties like to get into bed with me. So nope not gonna happen. we do take showers together during the weekend but not during the week anymore since I am unemployed....
and yes blue dog I will do as Aevans says as well as everyong else and talk to him once he comes home. And I will do my best to keep a levvel head about it.
Thanks for more gross mentals too RKHenry. ugh men! lmao
When I was married, my husband some how got in and out of the shower in five minutes. We had to let the water warm up a minute or so before getting in the shower. I explained to him that there is no way that he could be clean in that short of time. He smelled like soap when he came out, but I know that he probably rubbed the soap on him and thought that he was clean. I had to explain how he should use a wash cloth and wash his whole body really good.
Ok, this is what gets me...he still didn't use a wash cloth and didn't spend anymore time in the shower attempting to get clean. As much as I hate to admit it,...this kind of behavior added to our problems(mine anyway). I started looking at him in a different way. Don't get me wrong...when I was a kid, I know I didn't always sit in the shower and scrub really well. Sometimes people do take a quick shower, but it really surprises me that someone like him who wanted the house so clean and kept his clothes so nice would not spend a few more minutes washing in the shower. He could spit shine the kitchen and not even take a shower but for one minute? Seems kinda strange to me.
After I put all of those habits together and analyzed it, bluk, I dont wanna think about it. lol.
I am divorced now and I don't look back. I am not divorced because of that, but to be honest with ya, it really is sickening to me. Bless his heart...I hope his next wife can deal with it better than me.
I wish I could offer you some advice on your situation, but apparently I couldn't deal with it myself.
What really gets me is that he had been that way throughout our dating period and I didn't know. We lived together for a while before we got married. He had taken a shower before I got home from work though, so I didn't really even notice til after we were married.
Wow annvans...I hope my hubby doesn't do that. He probably will say it's the military shoewr in and out. But still it is gross to think that he is't getting cleaned...but why lie? doesn't make sense to me why he has to lie...he could have just said I'm running late and I'll take one later but nope he didn't
In all honesty, I have to say I feel bad for him since he was trying to cover it up. Maybe he didn't want to take a shower, but didn't want you to know about it, so he tried to cover it up so you wouldn't think anything bad about him.
Go easy on the poor dude.
yea true...but still makes me wonder if he has lied about other things too you know?
Yeah well it is not right to lie, so I cannot feel bad for him for lying, but if he lied to stop you from thinking something bad about him, its sad. Meaning I guess he was not wanting you to know he was like that.
Gosh, what am I thinking? I felt sorry for my ex about something he lied about too. Just bust his azz when he gets home and tell him to start showering! lol
Maybe he was doing something "else". If he felt like lying, he may be ashamed. A lot of guys would lie about "that". Does this post make any sense?
CW Do you not trust this guy?
That would be stressful ,or at least very frustrating!
Just ask him why he felt he couldnt trust you with the truth, I know its nothing to do with the shower thing.
Maybe bathroom time should just remain private. He could have been doing anything in there. Perhaps, he just needed a few minutes to be by himself.
I agree on this one. I have to confess that a couple of times I did the shower show, becuase I didn't want to be seen as a dirty guy. But I didn't lie in other more serious aspects with partners I respected
Itds not making shower babies thats the problem,its the lying about it..
Guess he needed some privacy all the same, guys sometimes primp n preen you know wheres
Aw hun not again. You were upset last week too. What's going on over there. You sure this is something you should be worrying over, or are you feeling a little low at the moment.
Not feeling down at all Helen no worries there though as my husband likes to say aunt flow is visiting but still. He did tell me what he does and yea it's all good.
lol Kadmiels may be reading between the lines but didn't read in between the lines for us...he was lying but not intentially
yea it is...it was because he does get in but doesn't take a full shower only wash certain parts of his body. So yea he feels weird about telling me about it but it's out in the open. So now I think he'll be more open with me because I confronted him....or I hope he will be
I don't mean to seem "hostile" by any means, and I know nobody likes to be lied to; but if I came out the bathroom and someone questioned me about what I did or didn't do in there, I'd lie just to end the "interrogation". I'm about as honest as any person could be; but the one thing that will drive me to lie is when I feel someone is asking a question that I think is too personal. I can see, too, how if it was morning; and he didn't feel like getting into the "wasting water and money discussion" he may have had yet more reason to go for the lie, in hopes of ending the discussion. A less "polite" option may have been, "Don't question what I'm doing in the bathroom," or the old, "I don't spend on anything else, and if I want to run the water I'm going to run the water." An even LESS polite option (that some people would have gone with) might be, "What are you - my mother?" (If someone asks me how much money I make, or how much I paid for something; I don't want to be rude, so I feel pushed into either not answering at all or else making something up. My reasoning is that when someone is out of line in their questioning they either deserve no answer or else don't deserve a truthful one.)
I don't think this particular lie should be lumped in with other kinds and sized lies. If you really think about, one episode of running water for whatever reason isn't going to do a whole lot to the water bill. Besides, there's always the chance he dried himself on in the tub and stepped into his shoes. I'd say let it go, don't worry about it, and discuss saving money on the water bill some other time.
If if really bothers you , you should confront him about it. That being said you cant let the small things in life bother you or life just gets too complicated.
Hmmm . . . the consensus seems to be just to let it pass for now--- you may know the truth, but in the larger scheme of things it may not be that important.
Keep the memory in mind, but file it in the far back file of incidental incidents which you visit infrequently.
Work on building the positives.
And hug, for the least of reasons.
"file it in the far back file..."
My girlfriend had an "invisible coin purse", and she would "put imaginary coins in it" each time her husband did or said some small thing. She said she imagined it getting more and and more full as time went on. (I'm not sure that imaginary coin purse is a great thing, though; because coin purses can get too heavy, weigh someone down, or else break. )
After 20 years of marriage...let it go. My goodness...this thread is 5 pages long over a little white lie.
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