As a psychotherapist by trade, I will say by entering therapy for healing. I still do therapy for healing my family wounds and I feel it is great to do for all of us for understanding why we do the things we do.
It takes lots of work, but in the end it is worth every penny.
One of my most popular hubs is about healing family wounds and cutting family ties, etc so that lets you know a lot of people have these issues.
You have to figure most people don't change their ways. Our family relationships were developed almost at birth- who we were in our family, our role, etc. People tend to put up with more from family and that's fine and good, but sometimes you have to cut ties. I've done this with two of my family members. The relationsips were very one-sided and damaging. One visit with them would set me back 20 years. I can't keep healing myself only to receive the next blow. So I cut ties and am better for it.
"Old" family wounds are just that- OLD! You either stay stuck in them or move on. Not too many choices. There's no secret or tricks, it's often hard, but worth it. Sometimes counseling helps to validate our feelings and give us a neutral perspective.
They start to heal as soon as they are created.
The problem is that your stuck with scars.
And you don't remove those, they become part of you, your psyche and your character.
There are many variables to consider here. At what age, what wounds, how traumatic, How did and do you cope, etc...
Usually these wounds manifest themselves as maladaptive psychological behavior.
There is a whole range of mental illnesses and impairments that can result from family related trauma.
Psychologist and the like, can help us to acknowledge our wounds and they also help us achieve a catharsis; from there we can start to modify and change our undesirable behavior.
I would say to have an all out bitch session to get everything out in the open, and then apologize and work together on improving the relationship. I am on of those people that do not let things get in the way of my relationships with family.
Forgiving...no choice, thats the ticket for the happiness and fredom in life...Stop judging you and them and everything, change your view, change your perspective about it...and you just said "OLD" if you have a old, ugly and unusefull item in your home You will trow away? yess!! for sure!....same thing with those wounds...is no easy but can happen.
Its important to express your thoughts and feelings about the situation. With no sugar coating or disguise. This is v important. Because the expression allows you to a large extent to let go and move on. If the family/member is reluctant to talk - write a letter.
One thing is for certain, EVERYONE has old wounds. How you choose to keep past misfortunes locked inside your head, affecting your entire future, is a mistake that only you can change.
What I've done, and this really, really helped, is this:
Read books (Running With Scissors, Three Little Words) and watch movies about others who are less fortunate. Reading about famine-torn areas will remind you to stop complaining about dieting. Reading about the plight of women who have no rights (early China, Afghanistan) will remind you to value your freedom. Watching a movie about prisoners of Aushwitz will remind you to breathe deep and live life to the fullest, NOW. Watching a hoarding reality show will help you to get out of debt and curb an addiction to spending.
For me, sinking into the extreme situations that can take over a life via a book/tv show/movie helps to put in perspective the complaints I may have. Realizing that I have to take the bull by the horns and get on with life and a better outlook, for and by myself, is what heals my old family wounds.
old wounds tend to linger and hurt for a very long time....moving on is never the easiest thing to do but i feel the easiest way is to try to forget it and if thst fails....to go for therapy
You can never change a family member. They are who they are, it's up to you to be the bigger person and except them for who they are, or just keep them out of your life.
some wounds will never be healed. you have to be the member that takes the high road in order to move on. family is something that is different than anything else in life. you can choose everything in life but your family. for some reason god placed you with these people.
there are deeds and things that will never be forgotten but you can work through them. the exception is physical or sexual abuse. verbal abuse is sometimes as bad as both of these and may not be something you can work through. if you are outside looking in to heal wounds between two other parties, leave it alone. let them work out what they need or want to.
Much of the advice already given is valid and worth contemplating. When examined from the perspective of how one can learn from the wounds that we have and their value for teaching us to become better, stronger individuals - these hurtful experiences are great lessons. Each of us is on a journey and many would say that our family members exist to help us learn as we move along... learning to allow, letting go of judgment, forgiving.... all lessons that strengethen compassion and love in the long run.
If the wounds impact our day to day life in a way that generates unwanted emotions and/or behavior - find a good therapist who will help you understand how to process them productively. In every experience there is a learning opportunity - it is up to the individual to learn and move forward or to hang on and continue hurting.
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