How can a plain guy like me get over a break up?

1. 86

   dailytop10posted 9 years ago

   How can a plain guy like me get over a break up?
   
   Yes, my wife for 2 years broke up with me. I was inactive for almost a month to try and fix everything but I guess it's too late. She found another man who gives her way more attention than I do and she's calling our relationship quits. I'm completely aware that it's all my doing and I'm regretful about it as much as I can be. I really thought investing more time on preparing ourselves for the future is a better way than lavishly enjoying today.   I'm really sad right now, maybe depressed. Do you have some inspiring thoughts out there? Can you waste some time to cheer a complete stranger?

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2. 79

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   Whenever their is a breakup or divorce it simply means she/he was NOT "the one". There is no amount of (work) or (communication) that can overcome being with someone who does NOT want what you do!
   Ideally you want to select a mate who shares your same values, wants the same things as you, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
   You can't make someone cheat on you. People (choose) to cheat. Very few women are going to list having a man who works hard to secure their future as being a "deal breaker". 
   Not all women or men for that matter are the same. If you were being true to yourself then your actual mistake was not in neglecting her but rather in (choosing) her to be your spouse. In order for her to be "the one" she would have to see you as being "the one".
   I heard a wise man once say; "I always ask a person I'm dating early on the following question: How do you know when (you) are loved?" Based upon their answer he knows whether or not he is the "right" person for her.  Know yourself, love yourself, and trust yourself.
   If you're not a "natural romantic" then you are always going to revert back to your "authentic self" in any long-term relationship or marriage. People change because (they) want to change. The real goal in relationships is finding someone who will love and accept you as (you) are. If either person has to "change" their (core being) in order to make a relationship (work) it means they have selected the "wrong" person for themselves.
   Some people get married before they reveal their "authentic selves" to one another and others get married hoping their mate will "change" over time. When you know better you do better!
   Truth be told most of us (fail our way to success) when it comes to relationships. If this were not the case we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!
   Thank God there are over 7 billion people on this planet! Your marriage is just (one chapter) in the book of your life.
   Eventually you'll move on emotionally and some day you'll find a woman who wants exactly what you bring to the table. You'll look back and say; "If my ex-wife had never left me I would not have ever met the love of my life." I owe her a ton of gratitude!
   Every ending is a new beginning!

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      dailytop10posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      What can I say. Thank you for this beautiful comment. It made me realize a lot of things and somehow lifted hope to my heart that I will once again be happy.

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3. 65

   mackyiposted 9 years ago

   Hi my dear friend, first, I feel somewhat obligated to share my sympathy with you, during this moment of grief and pain. I can only imagine what you might be going through at  this wretched moment!
   
   Be aware that you are going to be bombarded with a ton of advice, which can make it rather difficult for you to decide in which direction you need to go from here; so choose carefully or rather, very wisely!
   
   My bit of advice, is that you should take all your pain and suffering to God(if you believe in God), and He will lead you in the right direction. God saw everything that was about to occur, before it finally happened, and only Him knows how to fix it. So, pray to Him for guidance, and a final solution. Also, ask Him for the strength to get by day by day.
   
   Finally, I believe that anything/anyone in this life that truly belongs to you, no one can ever take it/him/her away from you... maybe for a period of time, but not forever! God is able. Stay strong, and best of luck!

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      dailytop10posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Yes He truly is. To be honest, I rarely pray. I work hard on my own to solve problems and this said approach worked wonders for me until now. This is something I can't bear on my own. Now I'm leaning to Him. Thank you for the advice and God bless you

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4. 60

   cjhunsingerposted 9 years ago

   daily
   I would suggest a good drunk, grow up and stop whining and maybe she found a man that did not whine.

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   1. 86

      dailytop10posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      haha...yeaah...Sorry for the whining. Wish I am as tough as you.

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      Daveadamposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      cjhunsinger are you a troll sat there waiting to get an ego boost, by giving someone useless worthless advice?..Your the only one who mentioned "whining", & to the real people that are on here to help others, it's a genuine question worth discuss

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5. 60

   Yousif Mohammedposted 9 years ago

   Marriage is something you do to please your Lord. To refrain from adultery, to have and raise a family, to better worship your Lord.
   
   A divorce is like ripping someone's soul in half. I understand, many of my family members have gone through a divorce. You now have an opportunity to improve your connection to your Lord. Ask for help, forgiveness, and repent. And through your Lords help, God willing, you will see miracles happen in your life.
   
   God is with the patient and those who do good. Good luck to you, brother. I would not waste your time wasting life away doing sin and evil.
   
   You have a new life, and God willing, God will replace you with a better wife.

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      dailytop10posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Yousif. I wish you all the best.

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   DDEposted 9 years ago

   Your wife broke up with you due to you not spending time with her as I understand this correctly. When a woman  is neglected in any way  certainly she will look else where to get that attention. Think of a new start and don't make the same mistake again.  Show interest in someone don't make them feel lonely and desperate.

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   1. 86

      dailytop10posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Yes. I am aware about my mistakes and I feel so sorry about it. Thank you.

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7. 0

   Daveadamposted 9 years ago

   Hey buddy I've been in your situation, & i can remember the feelings that i felt..I felt the shock in my stomach & chest, & the feelings of hurt & loss etc..I thought 24/7 about her & cried a lot, & turned to booze & drugs to stop the unwanted thoughts/memories..I even phoned/text her, & begged pleaded etc..So if you've done any of that already don't worry about it it's to be expected, just don't do any more of it try to use some logic before every decision..If your constantly thinking about her learn mindful distraction, & get busy doing stuff you enjoy doing..If your struggling with your emotions & feelings which i was, then learn about emotions & feelings control practice, & practice it when ever you feel unwanted emotions..It's all free to watch on utube & it is fascinating stuff to learn, so will help distract your attention away from your ex..You will come through it buddy, & your'l be a better, stronger, wiser man for it..I always say to any single person that your soul mate is still out there waiting for you, & the quickest way to find him or her is to find yourself by doing what you love.

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      dailytop10posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Dave. I'm glad a living proof like you is here to clear my doubts.

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      Daveadamposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Watch a few utube vids on the training i mentioned, & give it a few weeks to see if you can get into it..It's fascinating stuff, & will take you a good few months to figure out for yourself..Now is when you have the time, don't sit there dwel

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8. 85

   krillcoposted 9 years ago

   Spend at least a year being single. I mean REALLY single...no dates, no hook-up...completely celibate. Spend the first  month grieving (not getting drunk). Spend the next two months taking a close forensic look at the relationship. Spend the remainder of the time educating yourself about how a healthy, adult, mature, long term relationship really works (not like the movies or how your friends at the club tell you it works). To do all of this, I'd recommend a qualified, licensed professional counselor with experience in such things.

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9. 0

   Kentrallosposted 9 years ago

   Seek a licensed professional counselor.   There are usually more to stories such as this than one is willing to post publicly.  Preparation for a future is a necessity in today's culture,  though most people are too foolish to do so and live in the moment without hesitation.    To the extent on rather that is the only cause to the demise of this relationship?  I can't say i was not their through the entire relationship, and i don't know you nor her.    That's why you talk to a counselor, and you spill everything,  not just emotional, but straight facts as well.  I would spend a month or two getting over it first or the so called facts will most likely be emotionally skewed.

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