If you love someone...live with him, why do you have to 'commit' to being with each other for the rest of your lives?
I agree.. with having been married before, I actually feel the strength on a union between two is better suited with the choice of being together, not in a legal document!
People can, and do, do what you suggest; but I kind of think people end up with the worst of both world's if they do. Besides the matter of having to make whatever compromises there are to be made when you share a home, there's the bigger issue of living with someone with whom you may have reservations about when it comes to wanting to commit. If it turns out to last forever (which is only revealed after decades of life) it may turn out it has brought some complications because of not being married. If it ends, then there's the next person to live with; and if that ends, there may be another. A lot of people don't want to live with a string of partners.
I can see something appealing about the freedom of "move in, move out, no courts"; but I also believe that people should only bring children into the world into a relationship that, at least at the time, feels so whole and so permanent there would be no reservations about marrying and giving the child the benefit of two married parents. People always say, "the piece of paper", doesn't change the relationship; and it doesn't. Still, to me, if it doesn't change anything; but, to me, if it doesn't change anything, then why not get it (and if someone doesn't want to get that piece of paper, then maybe they're moving in with someone with whom they don't share quite the right kind of love).
Another concern might be that if the people DO have the right kind of love they may be so blinded by their own emotions that they may not see some of the not-so-obvious, negative, consequences of living together until those consequences (whether big or small) arise. A silly example is that I know someone who had a wacky wedding because she was young and didn't want to have the usual kind of wedding. She matured and always regretted not having a wedding that wasn't a "circus". Sometimes what seems like a good idea when you're 20 is something you regret when you're 35 or 50.
Why even live with them, call round have a few drinks, do the business and get home in time for the football highlights
That's exactly the sort of thing your Twin Brother would do!
I call round before him, he likes to watch the footie live whilst I am on the ball
LOL! well, suppose, you DO fall in love...(and you know what that's like..you start believing in all kinds of 'forevers' and so on...) why not just let the relationship run its course by simply moving in together...it would save both a lot of time and money if u do change your mind afterwards!
I jest my friend lol, I have the married and seperated t-shirt but even living together is gonna cost you here in the UK !
This is so sad to me...if you really DO fall in love, there really are all kinds of forevers--you don't just change your mind later...
Yes, I'm biased, but I've been lucky enough to be MARRIED to the most wonderful man for almost 21 years now...
Tom is a one-of-a-kind man and it's kinda hard to look for one like him . And both of you are lucky to have found each other.
I know that we are very lucky, but we surely can't be the ONLY ones out there, lol...it's just hard to see how cynical some are towards marriage, I guess...
Er, I guess I was one of those. It's kind of hard to believe in marriage when you see your own parents get an annulment and one of your sisters get one, too. That's a 50% separation rate in my family. I tell you, it caused my father to worry a little bit about me .
Oh, believe me, I understand that completely--my parents divorced after being married 27 years--it almost did me in at the time--and my brother and I have both been divorced--so has Tom...it is an epidemic, I know, but it doesn't always have to end up that way, you know?
Hey, tc...don't take this to heart. All I'm saying is that it's great too to live together and leave a window open just incase u do change your mind (which is surely not that impossible?)... celebrate love, just don't make a legal commitment out of it!
(btw. have been married for 10 years..so not in the dark completely
That's my point exactly (sort of). Either get married and have the benefits and negative aspects of being married - or else don't get live together at all and enjoy the benefits of real freedom.
Personally if I meet someone again I wouldnt even live with them I would see them max 4 nights a week just for meals, cinema, the odd holiday away. Being single is the new thing and I actually read that in 10 years from now 67% of the UK will be single people !
My wife and I lived "in sin" for 3 years, then married. Worked great.
I agree with ralwus. I lived with my then-boyfriend for 2 years before we tied the knot. It made our shift from single to married easier for both of us .
I can see that, ralwus. I know it works for a lot of people. I just don't think (maybe this is from a woman's standpoint) that I'd want to enter into that arrangement, not knowing that it would eventually turn permanent (or, in these days of divorce, semi-permanent but seemingly with the right original intentions).
The beauty of having your own place is not having to deal with someone's mess if you're neat, or not having to deal with someone's neatness if you like a mess. As a person who likes neat, I don't want to end up the "cleaning woman" in a situation I'm not sure will last (and if it doesn't, maybe end up the "cleaning woman" for yet another messy partner in the future). Some people base their opinions on this matter on morals. I base mine on that ongoing quest to not find myself "the cleaning woman".
Me and my old lady got married in our teens and even though we are flat out broke we love each other to this day, hell its the best feeling in this darn world.
His Doctor refused him Viagra on prescription, that ended his love life, such tragedy. He used to be such a good sinner
I am unlucky in love, I put an ad in the local lonely hearts for a blind date. Twas all excited as she sounded really hot from her advert. Went to meet her in a local bar and just my luck, it was my EX !!!!
Lolololol, seriously? Maybe you're just meant for each other. hehehe j/k.
Nahhh as my old Gran used to say " Bad, never open up an old Chapter" She was a wise old bird ya know, only thing is some of the old chapters I never reopened were really exciting and erotic books. Wheras the ex turned out much like an old Charles Dickens Novel !
ooh the same mistake twice...THAT would have been unforgivable!
(u did make a run for it in time, right?)
Anyways tis teabreak time, am off for a cup of tea. Yeah I know, even the BadCo actually just drinks tea at times, laters lol !
Becasue we call this: Marriage! It really works sometines..
I lived with my now husband a year before we got married. But I didn't like it. I have been married before but I feel like if the two are living together as married then yes they should be. I think it was more of morals for me. Now if I would have been younger I would have maybe said sure I have no problems with it. And to each his own in this type of situation. Just I felt like this person was actually the person I should have married to begin with and I felt very strongly about wanting to marry him. We did get married 3 months ago finally and it was one of the happiest days for me aside from having my children. We didnt have a big wedding, but there are reasons behind that that I understand. We just went and did it and made it legal on a piece of paper. Like I said though, to each their own. How ever they feel in the relationship is great.
I think that it's a good idea to live with your parther for some time before marriage, you certainly will have an opportunity to understand whether you can find common language with this person in day-to-day life or not. I live with my boyfriend for a year and in several months we are going to marry, now I'm sure that I can get along with this person when I see him 24 hours a day.
Some of the people commenting on this thread who are pro-marriage, are divorced and on marriage 2, at least.
I have nothing against marrying. OH and I might well do it some day. But I don't think it really makes much of a difference.
The ONLY legal difference it would make for me and OH is inheritance tax if one of us dies. Otherwise, legally we are each other's next of kin, we both have parental responsibility for our son, we count as a couple for insurance, and all sorts.
Wouldn't make any difference as far as names are concerned, there's no way I'd adopt OH's surname, professionally it would be awkward, and I don't want different names at home and work.
I've only ever lived with one man, 12 years this November, since I was 20 and he was 19. So far, so good (-:
My parents are due to celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary next month, my grandparents were all married once, until death did them part, my OH's parents were married once, to each other (both now dead), and his grandparents were like mine - except one grandfather was widowed during the Second World War and re-married, to OH's Granny. No divorces, anywhere in sight.
Call me cold hearted but...
If you want to live together that's fine, but don't buy a house together while not married.
Rent it only or have the house in only the name of one of you. It's gonna be much more simple if things go wrong and you break up.
If you're married then by all means buy a house together! That way if infidelity occurs at least you have legal grounds to kick the other person out of the house.
My two cents
I must say I have found it better to just live together then being married it is easyer I found that the marrage paper can change how people treat you very much so Iam in favour of just living together 100%
I remember hearing this somewhere, though I can't remember the source ...
'Marriage is the number one cause of divorces today. Prevent people from getting married and you will see the divorce rate drop dramatically.'
My personal view? There's a major difference between dating and being married under the same roof. We never learn much about each other until we are together 24 hours a day, and sometimes what we learn greatly affects the relationship.
Personally, I would like to see everyone live together for a few months before getting married ... and especially before having children. The reason so many relationships fail once children come into the mix is because they were on rocky soil to begin with and one or both parties falsely believed that having children would make things work.
Some people ... regardless for the mutual attraction they might have for one another ... will just never work under one roof. That's why it's best they find out early (before kids are involved) so they can move onto better choices.
Imagine a world where every child comes into birth with a set of parents that actually love each other ... that would be paradise.
I believe there's someone here in the forum asking for advice before they get married! oooh...I nearly sent them a copy of this!!!
living together has worked very well for us before we married nearly 20 years ago...shhh do not tell the parents
I think marriage is just showing a final commitment if you have been with someone a long time. I know I wouldn't want to be "living together" with a guy 4 kids and 20 years later. Put a ring on it!
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