What is the worst thing another parent or person has said to you about your parenting skills?
If you haven't received a comment like that, what would be the worst comment you could think of? How would it affect your parenting skills? How would you react? Would you even react or ignore it?
Actually, at first I was going to say "not a thing," because they know better. However; after thinking about it, they do say I'm over protective and I need to let loose on my kid a little bit. How I react? Well, let's just say they shut up after I am done with my return comments. My son was sick for so many years when he was young, and I fought and fought for him. I have a hub on it actually if you want to look. He has cyclic vomiting syndrome and couldn't be a normal kid, so when they would say something like I'm over protective and blah blah blah, I would kindly bring up the fact how my son was sick for so many years and if I would have let him just do whatever he wanted, something bad could have happened as we found out several years later, like about a year ago, he had a heart problem to boot. So, I go off on people that tell me parenting skills. Depends on what they are saying I guess
It probably came from family with concerns over discipline. "You should let him eat more sweets", was one i heard often. I only allowed my child to eat sweet treats like candy on occasion and most people thought this was too strict.
I can't think of anything specific but I have a general one that I thought might fit the bill.
The worst advice I have been given is any advice from people that DO NOT have children. It amazes me how they feel they can tell me how to do something better when they have zero experience in it.
Just to clarify, these people aren't professional babysitters or day care employees; their jobs have nothing to do with children.
It frustrates me so much because, not being a parent; you have no idea what it is like!
Probably that I am not strict enough. Yet, like others that have answered this question, I challenge anyone who believes that to walk a mile (or a day) in my shoes. I have four children under the age of 14, a busy career (albeit home-based), and a husband who works full time. To manage my sanity and that of my family members, I pick my battles and focus on the most important issues pertaining to health and safety, while also instilling a sense of responsibility.
No, I do not pick out my daughter's clothes each day. I don't care whether the beds are made perfectly, either. But my children do fold their own laundry and change their own beds, among other things!
Great question, Steph
"Your raising more tax burdens for society." I would have to make them a bet on child comparison at 35 and as a parent with attitude they would or I would be eating my words without any condiments or water. Then until that day I would push work ethic, honesty, and integrity, leaving my children with one choice do the best they can.
These words were not actually said but somebody told my children "when they end up in jail". now I can say that to them only concerning anger, because you don't think properly when you are upset. The comment was made to them and they were half serious thus the issue.
"You're kid will be in prison." I honestly laughed at them and said that if they were my kid, they would be.
I don't know what the worst thing has ever been because people tend to say that stuff behind my back, rather than to my face. lol I suppose there's either some perverted form of respect in that, or else people just wouldn't dare voice their opinions when they know I have absolutely no interest in what their opinions are when it comes to what kind of parent I've always been.
What if someone had a comment to my face? If I were in mood to do this (rather than ignore it), and if I was angry enough to want to make the person feel like a stupid, clueless, worm (which I probably would be); I'd be polite and ask them to back up their statements and beliefs and reasoning. Then, because I know how careful, conscientious, and informed I've worked so hard to be (and because I know my own children and myself and my relationship with them better than anyone else in the world does), I would politely to point out all my own reasoning, information that I can back up in solid sources, experience, and anything else I had to back up what I think or do as a parent. And (forgive what will look like cockiness but is really just quiet confidence in knowing what I've always put into my choices/approaches as a parent) I'm fairly certain I would achieve my aim of making that person feel "like a nickel" (as my father used to say).
(See... This is why people know not to dare say anything to my face and instead live it in criticizing me behind my back - but that's OK. I don't have to deal with it. lol )
(Now if only I could figure out how to as effectively deal with people who mean well but seem to think they're "the boss of me" and treat me as if I'm stupid or else a kid. lol )
A few months ago out of spite a person called child protective services and claimed that my son was in danger, and being abused. Of course this was a lie and CPS left my house almost immediately without worry, but I have never been more enraged in my life. Ironically the same person and her daughter jumped me only a week later. I sound like ghetto white trash, but this was entirely a spontaneous series of events (over ownership of a house) that have never happened to me before or since. I have never been that hurt and angry at the same time. It really didn't affect my parenting skills. It actually made me more confident that I am doing a good job with my son when CPS felt no need to even investigate.
I seem to be my own worst critic when it comes to parenting, I know I do the best I can, but I tend to look for approval... and usually seem to.get it.
what offends me most are the looks I get from the older generations of parents. I was only 21 when my daughter was born, and now 23 I am pregnant with my second child. Many of the older generations assume that I was irresponsible and that my kids are "accidents". That is a completely unfair assumption, and completely untrue. Most of them also don't realize that I'm married, since my wedding band is somewhat unorthodox. Anyways, my age does not reflect on my abilities as a parent or my decisions to become a parent.
Maybe this is a little of topic, bu t I think the worst thing someone said to me was when I was having trouble nursing my firstborn. I was highly committed to it, but it just wasn't working out. Someone actually said, "Just give me that baby - I'll get him to nurse!"
I think the major difference between my mother and myself is our parenting styles, and I'm supposing the differences are based upon a lifetime of watching my maternal grandmother criticize my mom, and then experiencing the fierce overprotective nature of my mom. I have the best mom in the world. She has experienced great tragedy in her life that colors every aspect of her thinking...and it has also colored mine. Her love is fiercely overprotective and danger is around every corner. I said all that to say this: The worst thing another person has said about my parenting skills is that I'm not protective or caring enough - as if I walk thru life with blinders on, only thinking about myself. I don't think I have to tell you who said that. I am the way I am because it takes a lot of stength to overcome being so sheltered and to overcome the tragedy that has come before you. I want my daughter to experience aspects of life that I was not allowed to experience as a young person. I care. I worry... but I reign it in and try to give constructive advice without allowing it to become suffocating. It's hurtful to be viewed as "uncaring" or someone who doesn't worry about loved ones...because this is not the case...but I feel a free life is LIFE -- and if you equip a child to use good judgment, they have all the tools they need to face any challenges that may come their way. My daughter knows I love her. She knows I worry. She also appreciates the fact I have allowed her to explore the world around her, unimpeded by my own fears most of the time.
My mother-in-law, a licensed and accredited psychologist and educator specializing in graduate-level child/family/marital counseling, responded to the news of our youngest child's autism diagnosis with these words: "Well, I think the problem is that you guys are too lax in your parenting. Give her to me for a weekend--I'll straighten her out!"
I can't describe the chill those words gave me. My husband told me later that I'd gone completely white and he was afraid I'd pass out. Once I recovered from the initial shock of her response, I reminded myself that this woman has an idealized image of herself as the perfect mother/grandmother, and any flaws in any of her offspring are not her fault--which would explain her reaction to her eldest son's undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome and his daughter's high-functioning autism, the presentation of which mirrored my daughter's almost exactly. My mother-in-law chose not to label her son and encouraged him and his wife not to label their daughter, either--resulting in difficulties for both throughout their school years. She was angry because we recognized our daughter's condition and sought help without consulting her, preventing her from being our daughter's savior by teaching us how to game the education system without a medical diagnosis.
Seven years later, our daughter is a happy, healthy almost 9-year-old with a brilliant academic aptitude, a wicked sense of humor, lots of friends, and a penchant for all things pink and sparkly. My mother-in-law practically ignores her; however, her husband more than makes up for her with his hugs and attention to our daughter. So be it--it's my mother-in-law's loss.
by mindreader 13 years ago
pls do share your opinions
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